As you probably know, I've been portraying the Cons as a scary mob for a very long time.
From the days when Bev "Juice" Oda was running with the Harper gang, and driving the getaway car limo.
To the even scarier present...
So you can imagine how delighted I was to see that even Andrew Coyne has now reached the same conclusion.
They say you are not supposed to speak ill of the dead.
So I'd rather not say anything about the life and legacy of Ralph Klein.
But unfortunately we live in a very sick democracy. A country corrupted by leaders like Stephen Harper.
So when I see the MSM falling over themselves to see who can write a more glowing or fawning obituary, I believe some balance is required.
OMG. That wretched little Monkey King has done it again.
Pooped on the planet. And shamed us in the eyes of the world.
The Harper government is pulling out of a United Nations convention that fights droughts in Africa and elsewhere, which would make Canada the only country in the world outside the agreement.
And if you thought it was just an unfortunate accident because someone forgot to put on his monkey diapers, you'd be wrong.
He did it DELIBERATELY !!!! And the Cons have REASONS !!!!
The great Abraham Lincoln once said no man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
But then he didn't live in Con Canada eh? And he didn't know Stephen Harper.
Because either the great man was wrong, or Harper has a phenomenal memory. Just like his scary ancestor.
Who never forgot ANYTHING his enemies did to him.
For even as Great Lincoln Leader struggles to put down the backbench rebellion of the Reform Confederacy, he just can't stop LYING.
For seven years they held their tongues, so as not to scare Canadians.
For seven years Stephen Harper was able to muzzle them, or force them to make sheep sounds.
BAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!
But now it's finally happened. The dam has broken. The old Reform gang is revolting !!!!.
Oh. My. Furry. Photo-op. It was supposed to be the animal show of animal shows.
The Con Ministry of Propaganda and Disinformation's most spectacular production.
A chance to boost Great Ugly Leader's sagging polls, by making him look as cute and as cuddly as a giant panda.
But somehow, despite the heroic efforts of the marching band, and the FedEx cheerleaders, it just didn't work.
Gawd. You just can't teach old Cons new tricks eh?
For there they are bombarding the airwaves with their grotesque Porky Action Plan ads again.
Even though it's costing a fortune.
The Harper government spent $21 million on major advertising campaigns under its Economic Action Plan brand in 2011-12, according to the latest annual report on ad spending.
And even though we've told them those crappy ads are driving us NUTS !#@#!!
Gawd. I should have remembered I'm living in Harperland, not Wonderland.
I should have realized why that damm cat was laughing at me eh?
I should have known you can't trust those two old Con artists, Steve and Jimbo, no matter what they say.
I should have known it was all a scam.
As you know the Con regime is obsessed with changing or rebranding the name and the look of everything Canadian eh?
Making the colours of Canada blue and red, like the Con logo, instead of red and white like our flag.
Or solemnly declaring honking that henceforth the Government of Canada should be known as THE HARPER GOVERNMENT.
Well now we have a better idea of just how far this crazed crusade has gone. And it's SCARY.
Well, let's start with the good news eh?
Jimbo Flaherty got a fabulous new hat to go with his new shoes when he presented his latest budget today.
Or as the Cons call it, his Porky Action Plan 2013.
And the bad news?
The hat was bigger than the budget.
As you know Joe Oliver has had some pretty bad news conferences eh?
Like the time he called environmentalists radicals or dangerous extremists.
Or the time he claimed we would be able to drink the tarry bubbly from the tailing ponds.
Well, the other day he held another big photo-op in Vancouver, and it was even more ridiculous.
Oh no. Remember how I said the other night that Jimbo Flaherty probably hated having to call his new budget Porky Action Plan 2013?
Because there couldn't be a worse way to sell ANYTHING.
Well forget that theory eh?
Because there was Jimbo yesterday getting a Porky Action sign engraved on his new shoes.
Golly. For a moment today it looked like an old Christopher Lee movie.
When somebody opens the window, daylight streams in, and all the Con vampires turn to stone.
But alas, it was only Stephen Harper having a REALLY bad day.
A day when you really had to wonder whether he's losing control of his party, and/or losing control of his faculties.
When I watched this stunning moment in Question Period today, at first I couldn't believe it.
Then I was outraged, and then I was disgusted.
For nothing could have summed up better the total and absolute moral corruption of the Con regime.
It's like a really bad horror movie.
One that could only happen in Harperland, where madness reigns, and the Big Lie RULES.
A B-movie where Thomas Mulcair gets swarmed by a small army of Con oil pimps, for warning the Americans the pimps are trying to scam them.
While the Con pimps, who are selling us out to foreign interests, accuse him of snitching on them. Or betraying Canada, like Alison Redford charged today.
Well I'm glad to see that Ezra Levant has apologized for his hateful comments about the Roma.
Although it did take him forever to put his lips together and spit out the words I'm sorry.
And knowing him, I'm pretty sure he's even sorrier that he had to write this formal apology.
Well as you know today was St Patrick's Day, and no doubt wee little Jimbo Flaherty was running around looking for the pot of gold.
The one he lost when he cut the GST.
And probably wishing he didn't have to call his new budget Porky Action Plan 2013.
Because it's hard to imagine a worse way to sell a budget, than reminding Canadians of something that's driving them CRAAAAAZY !!!!
Even though he belongs to the most conservative wing of the Catholic Church, and is a fierce enemy of the equality of women and gay people.
Even though he is an inflexible religious reactionary, like most of the other old men at the Vatican.
I can't help hoping that the first Pope from the New World, this humble man, this friend of the poor, will humanize his church and bring some light into its darkness.
But that will not happen until he bares his humanity, and talks about what he did or didn't do during the infernal darkness of the Dirty War.
It could have been a truly great occasion.
A group of Canadian kids getting a chance to talk to a real Canadian hero, Chris Hadfield.
But of course he HAD to be there.
Hundreds of school children have chatted live with Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield as he orbits the earth, and now Prime Minister Stephen Harper has had his chance, too.
To get his picture taken with Hadfield and the children, to try to make it look like he's a Great Space Leader, and that at least in space we're STILL number one !!!! Even if we aren't on Earth.
The other day I wrote about how Stephen Harper's slide in the polls was beginning to resemble a one-way ride on an asteroid.
Not just a mere tumble through space, but a clear and definite negative trend.
And I pointed out that this blazing trajectory couldn't come at a worst time for the Cons.
So what better time to remind them that pulling out of that death dive is going to be REALLY difficult.
Ever since he came to power Stephen Harper has tried to use the military for crass political purposes.
First he tried to use it to change his image from a nerdy policy wonk, to a Great Warrior Leader.
And when that failed miserably, for obvious reasons, he set out to change the military's image.
He swapped his helmet for a crown, and declared that our boys and girls in uniform must be ROYAL !!! And that they must be ARMED !!!!
Uh oh. He's BAAAAACK!!!
Joe "Oily" Oliver, the screaming scarecrow of the Tar Sands.
First he called Canadian environmentalists job killing extremists, and tools of foreign interests.
Then he promised we would be able to drink the tarry bubbly from the tailing ponds. And that it would taste like prosperity.
Now he's back as crazy as ever, waving his twiggy arms around, and claiming that Thomas Mulcair is unfit to govern.
Golly. I have to admit that when I first saw the story I had to stick a fork into myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
Because this is definitely one of my favourite dreams eh?
Stephen Harper bitterly bidding farewell to his ungrateful people. While they dance in the streets.
But then I was shocked. Could Stephen Harper REALLY be quitting before we defeat him?
They flew into Ottawa this weekend like a swarm of bats from some dark netherworld.
Hundreds of Cons, religious fanatics, sinister would be Republican operatives, climate change deniers, right-wing kooks like Ron Paul.
All there to try to figure out how to make Canada conservative FOREVER.
All there at the invitation of the Con Godfather himself Preston "Parson" Manning, who did beseech his batty flock to mind their tongues.
Golly. Sometimes it's the small things that tell you so much about the slow collapse of the Con Regime.
Like the sad fate of Stephen Harper's 1812 extravaganza.
Great Royal Jelly Leader was hoping he could whip Canadians into a patriotic frenzy, by bombarding us with more ads than we could duck.
While he sold us out to foreign interests.
But now it seems the Cons are in full retreat.
It was a wonderful Canadian moment.
One of my Canadian heroes, Romeo Dallaire, talking about another of my heroes, the late great Stompin' Tom Connors.
Telling Evan Solomon about the day when him, his U.N. soldiers, and about 200 civilians were in a Rwandan hotel under heavy enemy fire.
How he played Stompin' Tom's song The Blue Berets, and how it cheered them all up, had them clapping their hands and stomping their feet, even as the mortars and shells rained down on the hotel.
I told you he was looking a little worried, or a little desperate.
I told you he's been acting funny, or even crazier than usual.
And now we know why.
It seems that Canadians are finally getting tired of Stephen Harper.
And his support is slowly crumbling.
OMG. I don't know how to say this. Because I don't want to cause mass panic eh?
But Stephen "Queeg" Harper is looking and sounding crazier than I've EVER seen him.
At least since the time he lost his marbles strawberries, and turned the PMO upside down looking for them.
For there he was a day after this devastating report was released.
Claiming the authors are partisan, but the C.D. Howe institute isn't.
I see that Hugo Chavez has lost his long battle with cancer.
Venezuela’s government announced the death of President Hugo Chavez on Tuesday, ending 14 years of charismatic rule by the firebrand socialist but leaving his party firmly in control of the nation.
Vice President Nicolas Maduro’s voice broke several times and tears ran down his face as he appeared on national television to announce that Chavez died at 4:25 p.m. local time (3:55 p.m EST;1755 GMT) “after battling tough with an illness over nearly two years.”
And I for one will miss him, for he was quite a character, and quite a leader.
Every time Diane Finley tries to defend why she is waging war on the poor, she claims that it's just a question of saving money.
Just like she did today when Thomas Mulcair went after her for ordering EI inspectors to barge into the homes of the unemployed.
“Service Canada has a responsibility to find and stop inappropriate claims and to protect the funds that Canadians have paid in the system,” Finley said.
"Last year, the employment insurance program lost hundreds of millions of dollars due to inadmissible claims."
Even though what she's really doing is trying to shame the poor, like the Cons in Britain.
Well I see they have been filing into the Vatican getting ready to choose a new Pope.
Dozens of old men in red beanies.
And one in a fedora.
But before they start voting they want to know what is the Vatican HIDING? Who's REALLY pulling the strings?
And of course, knowing them eh? Who is being BLACKMAILED?
From the moment he came to power, he announced that he would like to be known as Great Arctic Leader and Lord Protector of the North.
He decreed that henceforth everything from government stationery, to the nose of his plane, should be embossed with the words "The True North Strong and Free."
He warned us the Russians were coming. But that his warrior government would stop them if we bought those fancy jets. His propaganda machine hummed heroically.
But that was then, and this is now.
It's been the weirdest winter ever where I live.
It was so warm for so long it took forever for the canal to freeze, until it was safe enough to skate on.
Then it thawed so quickly, the net got stranded in the middle of nowhere, with the ice too thin to retrieve it.
And since I blame global warming for this latest disaster, and so many others, I wasn't exactly thrilled by this news.
If you wanted to know where our economy is heading, or what the Cons are planning to do to Canada.
All you had to do was look at Jimbo Flaherty today, to know it's not going to be pretty.
And that the Day of Reckoning has finally arrived.
For there he was standing in front of a giant Porky Action Plan billboard, promising growth and jobs. Telling us the economy is shrinking, so what we need to do is kill even more jobs.
As you may know, I have for many years portrayed Tom Flanagan as Dr Strangelove.
I've always considered him a bizarre right-wing crank, and Alberta firewall separatist.
I never understood why the CBC hired him, and then didn't fire him after he said Julian Assange should be murdered.
So I'm not really surprised by his latest outrageous statement.
