Sunday, February 28, 2010

Stephen Harper and the Golden Moment

There have been many magnificent moments during the Vancouver Olympics, but I think it's safe to say this isn't one of them.

The pathetic sight of Stephen Harper desperately trolling for a golden moment, like an old hooker on the last day of a Baptist convention. Pretending he's a hockey fan, rubbing up against Wayne Gretzky like a cat in heat. Hoping he can ride a wave of patriotic sentiment all the way to a majority.

I mean seriously eh? Look at those eyes. Does that look like a hockey fan....or the kind of man you're parents warned you about ? Is he thinking about owning the podium or is he thinking about owning us?

The good news is I don't think it's going to work.

Because if all they got was two points from their Haiti photo-op and the Olympics, nothing is going to save them once the cheering stops.

He won't be able to buy votes like he once did. He won't be able to run away from allegations that he covered up torture.

And since the Cons shutdown Parliament we know so much more about the secret war these rabid ideologues have been waging against decent Canadian institutions like KAIROS and Rights and Democracy.

Now we know all about the brutish bullies in the PMO. And so do Canadians.

Stephen Harper says the Senate needs reform, but more Canadians think that it's the Prime Minister's Office that has too much power.

"It's not just the usual suspects," said pollster Nik Nanos. "There are more Canadians that think the office of the prime minister is one of the parts of our democracy that requires a second look."

And the moment we shine a light into that monstrous darkness, the Cons will run like roaches, and the game will be OVER.

Oh boy. Once I thought we were losing our beautiful country.

But now I've changed my mind...

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Johnny Weir and the Homophobes

When I look at this great picture of two of our hockey champions celebrating after their golden victory.

And read what some are saying about them.

"I don't think it's a good promotion of sport values," Gilbert Felli, the IOC's executive director of the Olympics, told the Associated Press. "If they celebrate in the changing room, that's one thing, but not in public. We will investigate what happened."

You know naughty naughty. Or how unlady like.

I can't help thinking of Johnny Weir.

No not that Johnny, the three-time national figure skating champion of the United States.

This Johnny...

And what they said about him.

How the homophobia welled up so easily out of the sewer of bigotry.

And how much I liked Johnny's reply.

I hope that more children have the same opportunities as me, with the same parents as me, that let me be an individual, who gave me freedom, and taught me to believe in myself before anyone else would believe in me.

Because although I'm a pretty conservative gay guy who doesn't know anything about fashion, and wouldn't wear a furry thing around my neck in case it bit me.

I believe in a world where girls can be butch and boys can be flamboyant.

It's so much more interesting eh?

So all I can say is our women's hockey team rocks. Johnny is Johnny.

And homophobia really SUCKS...

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Beauty Queen and the Blood Pudding

Just about every day of my life I have to put up with some religious fanatic somewhere going on and on about how I should be KILLED.

If it's not some Christianist crazy, it's some hairy Hebrew, or some mad Mullah, spewing gibberish and hatred out of their pie holes.

But this is the limit.

"The Bible says that marriage is between a man and a woman. In Leviticus it says, 'If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.' The Bible is pretty black and white."

"I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that's a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life."

Lordy. What have I done to deserve this gaseous emission from this empty vessel ?

Is it freakish or is it fraud?

And what is it about these Christianist bimbos anyway? Are they pumping silicon into their brains as well as their titties...because they think it will make them smarter ?

Why oh why can't they send them to finishing school like they used to do before? So they can join other religious fanatics, stop fantasizing about MY blood.

And learn how to make a heavenly blood pudding instead...

"And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat."

Leviticus 26:29

Oh. My. Gorilla. Forget about sending those religious fanatics to cooking school.

I knew they were crazy eh?

I knew they wanted to kill me and my friends.

But who knew they were CANNIBALS?

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Night We Taught the Russians Manners

Well up until this morning I was hoping for a somewhat closer game, because I've always liked the way the Russians play.

But then I read this story.

We all know Canada has problems with the future lines drawn on Arctic maps and we all know Canada lives in the shadow of its larger neighbour to the south. The abject cruelty shown by Canadian soldiers in international conflicts is scantily referred to, as indeed is the utter incapacity of this county to host a major international event, due to its inferiority complex, born of a trauma being the skinny and weakling bro to a beefy United States and a colonial outpost to the United Kingdom, whose Queen smiles happily from Canadian postage stamps.

"Maybe it is this which makes the Canadians so...retentive, or cowardly."

And I changed my mind. Because nobody should write when they're that drunk. Or be that rude.

Especially if you come from a fascist, homophobic, backward country like Russia.

So now when I read this ...

Everybody who knows anything about Olympic skating, Winter Olympic sports and international politics will infer from the pitiful and dangerous conditions provided by the Canadian authorities, which already caused one death, that Vancouver is mutton dressed as lamb. Take off the outer veneer and the stench is horrific.

It is a surprise that any Russian athlete would wish to remain in that sort of environment for a second longer.

I say OK no problem. You can send your hockey team home now.

And take this bad loser with you.

Because he REALLY stinks.

Oh yeah.... and one more thing eh?

I LOVE the smell of mutton in the morning

And more vodka please...


P.S. I hate it when I see people waving those signs "Hockey is OUR game." Because do the English, who invented soccer, do that when they play the Brazilians? And yahoos give me a headache whether they're Russians or Canadians.

But I have to admit that when we skate, check, pass, and score like we can. And we tell the goons to stay home. We do play it better than ANYONE...

When Women Strike Back

I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but when I saw this Super Bowl commercial the other day it just about knocked me out of my chair...

Like millions of men out there I was filled with rage and resentment. I vowed that as soon as Sébastien got back from Haiti, I would REALLY let him have it.

Tell him I'm not taking the recycling to the depot on my bicycle anymore. Buddy. I need a MUSCLE CAR !!!!!!!!

But then I realized this is not a guy-guy thing. This is about Him and Her.

And I should just duck and cover.

And let the women strike back...

So now I'm thinking some people will say ANYTHING to sell a crappy Dodge.

But that should teach them eh?

And after all, since the depot is within easy walking distance.

Who needs a muscle car when I got Sébastien?

Monday, February 22, 2010

Own the Podium and the Cons

I know that a lot of Canadians are soooo disappointed by the apparently stunning news that despite all the hype, we are NOT going to own the podium.

Canada will not own the podium, Chris Rudge, the chief executive of the Canadian Olympic Committee, said Monday in the wake of disappointing results from Canadian athletes at the 2010 Winter Olympic Games.

But I'm not one of them.

For one thing I hate that name. It's pretentious, more American than Canadian, it's made us the butt of a million jokes. And to make matters worse, it's probably motivating and helping our opponents more than it's helping our side. As this article suggests.

Secondly, although I'm hoping we do win more medals...and I'm sure we will... it doesn't change anything for me. I'm proud of ALL our athletes, Vancouver has never looked more beautiful, and I only wish I was there to join in the fun.

And lastly but not leastly, I'm not slapping myself in the face with one of those red mittens, because all this collapsing hype can only hurt the Cons.

You know how those porkers have been hanging around the games sniffing for golden moments like their relatives sniff for truffles?

And how the Porcus Maximus Stephen Harper was hoping that a frenzy of patriotic fervour would provide him with his Nuremberg moment. And carry him to a majority in the next election?

Ms. Greene Raine compares the athletes to “our strong leader,” Mr. Harper, who is in a competition of his own: “With our strong leader Canada will continue to compete with the world’s best,” she says. And Mr. Duffy, who also refers to his colleague as “my Olympic champion,” goes on to say, “We Conservatives are champions in our own right.”

Well some things are for sure eh?

Mike Duffy deserves a truffle.

The porkers are no champions.

And Great Strong Leader is a lot more disappointed than I am...

Defeat, crush, pwn those piggy AmeriCons.

Go Canada GO !!!!

Vic Toews and the Theocon Conspiracy

Golly. And to think I used to believe it was a marriage made in Hell.

When I should have realized Great Ugly ,Hockey Mom ,Desperate Leader was a genius for promoting the reactionary redneck Vic Toews to be our new Public Safety Minister.

Because only a Christianist pig like Toews would have the nerve to defend the unholy union of the corrupt Porky Action Plan AND the secret plan to turn Canada into a theocracy.

Praise the Oink !!!

And only a Con fascist could turn it into a law and order issue.

"It appears to me Pat Martin doesn't have a problem with allowing gangs to recruit in his riding, but when it comes to Youth For Christ offering programs, he suddenly has a problem with it," Toews said.

Mein Gott. I know he was born in Paraguay, but will somebody please tell that crazy religious thug that this is Canada... not a Mennonite colony.

Or ask that wretched bigot why our tax dollars are being used to fund a proselytizing Christianist youth organization, that could discriminate against gay youth? When they make up about about thirty percent of street kids.

Especially since when he wasn't comparing gay marriage to a "Black Mass", that hideous homophobe used to spend all his time arguing that religious groups should have the right NOT to serve gay people.

And the even bigger issue is this one.

It's the concern Harper, given a majority government, would try to overlay his religious values on the laws of the land, in the process blurring the line that is supposed to separate church and state.

When funded by government, projects such as the Youth for Christ centre step right over that line.

All of which suggests what is of even more concern than this taxpayer-backed, faith-based youth centre.

A faith-based Canadian government.


Which is why I believe the MSM should finally start connecting the dots, and asking Stephen Harper why government policy is being made to conform with his wacko religious views.

The Alliance Church, to which Harper has belonged for decades, believes Jesus Christ will return to Earth in an apocalypse, won't ordain women, strongly opposes abortion and divorce, condemns homosexuality as the most base of sins and believes those who aren't born again are lost.

Because it's about time.

And every Canadian deserves to know BEFORE the next election.

Who is really running Canada?

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Sad Last Days of a Human Rights Campaigner

Last week Paul Wells wrote about Rémy Beauregard's losing battle with a pack of Con appointees who took control of Rights and Democracy.

For the longest time this wholesale transformation at Rights and Democracy seemed like it would escape public attention. Then came the astonishing events of January.

That’s when Rémy Beauregard died in his sleep after another deeply acrimonious meeting of the Rights and Democracy board, at which Braun’s faction for the first time held a voting majority.

Today in La Presse, Agnes Gruda adds a small but poignant detail.

Déjà, la veille de la réunion du 7 janvier, Rémy Beauregard avait perdu une bataille : sa rencontre avec un comité chargé d'évaluer son travail avait mal tourné. Démoli, il avait pleuré toute la nuit, selon ce que sa femme a confié à plusieurs proches. La nuit suivante, il a été terrassé par une crise cardiaque.

Already, the day before the meeting of the 7th of January, Rémy Beauregard had lost a battle: his meeting with a committee evaluating his work had turned out badly. Devastated, he wept all night, according to what his wife told several close friends. The following night, he was brought down by a heart attack.

Can you believe that? Can you believe how those nasty bullies treated that decent human rights campaigner?

The new masters of Rights and Democracy will have to live with that, but I want a public inquiry. I want to know who in the PMO orchestrated this sad and sordid affair.

I want to know why from Rights and Democracy to the Con assault on KAIROS, it's ALWAYS about Israel.

Beauregard’s written response to the performance evaluation, obtained by Maclean’s and revealed here for the first time, makes clear the extent to which this extraordinary controversy at Rights and Democracy was about the stance the organization, and by extension the government of Canada, should take with regard to Israel.

I want to know why a powerful group of Christianist theocons in the PMO thinks it can get away with shaping our foreign policy to conform with Old Testament prophesy.

And I'd like the police to assist that public inquiry by finding out who stole the computers.

Yup. Paul Wells and others like our own Dr Dawg have been doing an excellent job of shining a light on this murky, ghastly story.
But we need a public inquiry.

Because when a group of religious fanatics in government try to turn a democracy into a theocracy. And a Canadian Prime Minister doesn't do anything to stop this, because he's one of them, the truth can't wait.

Because that truth could DESTROY the Cons.

And of course because poor Rémy Beauregard deserves one.

And I hate BULLIES...

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Jack Layton and the Werewolf

Uh oh. I see Jack Layton has gone to meet Great Hairy Leader in his lair den office.

The NDP leader said he had a "cordial" 30-minute afternoon meeting with the prime minister and pressed the case for getting more money into the hands of women and seniors. Layton also urged the importance of creating jobs, and said Harper agreed with him.

And I'm glad he's giving the Cons some good ideas because they don't have any.

But all I can say is thank goodness there wasn't a full moon.


Because who could forget what happened last time...

One moment he was Mr Cordial...or Mr Pussy.... purring over a cup of tea.

And the next moment he was Mr Werewolf, snarling, hissing, slurping blood out of a bucket, and trying to KILL the opposition.

Because he just can't help himself eh?

So watch out Jack. Remember what he really thinks of you.

Remember he's dangerous AND desperate.

“It seems that no amount of frenzied activity, adroit performance or feel good announcements by the Prime Minister can resuscitate their flagging fortunes.”

And above all don't forget that a progressive coalition is to Great Hairy Leader what a wooden stake is to a vampire.

Mr. Graves says it is now apparent that no political party “can currently produce anything approaching a legitimate mandate to govern the country.”

The only way through this, he says, is for voters to start looking at “options like coalitions if they want to avoid fractious minority rule.”

Because the day that coalition rises, Harper and his Cons will be finished FOREVER.

Oh yeah.... one more thing Jack. Get better soon, because you're a really decent guy.

But the next time you see Great Hairy Leader, whatever you do, don't offer him some beef chow mein. Because he's a monster.

Ah hoooooooooooh.

And I understand he LOVES it...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Omar Khadr and the Yankee Monster Man

Sometimes living in Stephen Harper's Con Canada I feel like I'm trapped in a bad horror movie. Like I fell asleep one day and woke up in a country I don't recognize.

And few things make me feel more like that than this story.

I like what Jack Layton and Michael Ignatieff had to say:

“It’s a disgraceful slap in the face to the Supreme Court and to the concept the Canadian government should be defending human rights pursuant to our Charter,” said Layton.

“In our view,” said Ignatieff, “they should have added a crucial additional fact in a diplomatic note … that he was a child soldier.”

Because it does make a mockery of our Charter of Rights. Omar Khadr WAS a child soldier. And his kangaroo trial is a travesty of justice.

Which is why I have always believed that this should be a non-partisan issue. And why I wish there was one decent Con in this land who had the courage and the integrity to stand up and speak the truth. This is wrong, and this is not Canada.

But none of them will. They'd rather stir up their rabid base, create yet another wedge issue, and play cheap and ugly politics with the life of a young Canadian.

I mean can you believe that garbage?

As if it matters who supports him, when he will be a ward of the state. As if it matters whether you hate his family. As someone who hates all religious extremists, I don't exactly love them either. But so what?

The only thing that counts is that Omar Khadr was a child soldier and should NEVER have been tortured or imprisoned. And the only decent and Canadian thing to do is to bring him home immediately. Period.

Oh well. I thought Stephen Taylor was better than that, but I guess the Yankee Monster Man has corrupted every one of those pathetic Cons. And quite a few other Canadians as well. By making Canada a meaner, uglier, and more Amerikan country.

Which is why I admire Romeo Dallaire.

"Canada was a leader. Canada is not a leader in human rights anymore. Canada led the optional protocol on child rights regarding child soldiers ... Canada was a big player in a number of different departments in the UN, not only peacekeeping, and we've abandoned it.

Because that's my idea of a real Canadian. His Canada is my Canada. And I want it BACK.

Which always takes me to the same place eh?

Defeat them, crush them, end this horror movie.

Send these ugly Cons back to Amerika...or Alberta.

Before they corrupt us ALL...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Stephen Harper's Great Humiliation Tour

Oh no. Stop in the name of humanity!!! I know Stephen Harper is desperate to make Canadians believe that he has morphed into Mr Nice Guy again. But haven't those poor little children suffered enough?

Don't they look happy to see him? And how low will Great Ugly Leader go to stage yet another photo-op? Or play cheap politics?

Prime Minister Stephen Harper took a swipe at the “soft” defence policies of previous Liberal governments as he congratulated Canadian troops for the relief and reconstruction work they are doing in this largely ruined Haitian city.

Gawd. And James Travers wonders whether this a mission of mercy or a political diversion?

Stephen Harper's Haiti visit is premature at best and a political diversion at worst. It's to be fervently hoped that the Prime Minister is there to draw fading attention back to the disaster, not away from his suspension of Parliament here.

But wait. It gets even WORSE. Now not only is he pretending to be a humanitarian/warrior leader instead of a rabid ideologue/tin pot dictator.

He's posing as a hockey mom...

Yikes. Fan me with a hockey stick. Have you ever seen anything so embarrassing? Or heard anything so HUMILIATING?

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper is such a fan he even agreed to take the time to meet us with us rink side.

Thus becoming the first Canadian Prime Minister to call up an American sports show and BEG for a photo-op.

And wasn't this part special ?

The Prime Minister loves the game so much he's even writing a book about it.

Oh NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Where's NBC's Truth Squad when we need them?

And how about that BONUS for all those American viewers who don't know much about Canada? Don Cherry dressed like a klown and sounding like a redneck. Yabba dabba doo doo.

Oh boy. If that's my Canada, I don't want it.

But of course it isn't. It might not be perfect, but it's better than that. Or will be as soon as we get rid of Harper and his thugs. And send Don Cherry off to the Hee Haw show at the Grand Old Opry. Or the Yankee Doodle Do Me Hour.

In the meantime, stay tuned eh?

Because I have a feeling that as Great Desperate Leader continues trying to fool Canadians into loving him again.


The best is still to come....

Monday, February 15, 2010

Alexandre Bilodeau and the French Question

I'm trying to stay away from the medal hysteria, because it just puts more pressure on our athletes. But I have to admit that I practically hit the ceiling with joy when Alexandre Bilodeau of Montréal, Québec, won Canada's first gold medal.

Not just because I'm a proud Montrealer, and the story of him and his disabled brother is so beautiful. Or that his performance was so awesome.

But also because of this.

Which is so unfortunate, if only because it gives Pauline Marois,the bourgeois queen of the PQ, some cheap ammunition.

Le Canada, a-t-elle dit, a démontré hors de tout doute qu'il considérait la minorité francophone comme une quantité négligeable sans importance, ou pire, un boulet pour la majorité anglophone.

Canada, she said, has demonstrated beyond any doubt that it considers the francophone minority as a negligible quantity without importance, or worse, a burden for the anglophone majority.

Which is predictable nonsense, but no doubt some will believe her.

The fact is the ceremony could have been a bit more French, especially the speech from the VANOC chief. I mean when you only have four or five French words to say, and you mangle them so badly, it's not too brilliant. And it doesn't look good.

But it was still a marvellous pan-Canadian show. And the sight of a Quebec kid flying over the beautiful golden prairies, is the kind of Canada I believe in.

But then there is this poll.

French Quebecers have a significantly higher opinion of English Canadians than English Canadians have of them. The poll found 75% of French Quebecers have a favourable opinion of English Canadians, but only 60.1% of English Canadians have a favourable opinion of French Quebecers

In fact, the only group further down the list than French Quebecers when it comes to who English Canadians view favourably are aboriginal Canadians.

Which makes me laugh, when I see some of these same rednecks now acclaim a Quebecer as their hero.

And as a guy who lives with one foot in each solitude, and is presently working in Toronto, also depresses me. Because I read and hear a lot of anti-Quebec comments, that I don't dare share with my Frenchie friends...or even my companion Sébastien .

Because most of them think Canada is great eh? And I don't want to disappoint them.

And the worse thing is that Stephen Harper uses this anti-Quebec sentiment, like he did during the coalition crisis, to prevent us from joining forces with the Bloc, and chasing these Cons from power FOREVER.

Oh well. More on that some other day. Right now I just want to say that I consider the French-speaking people of Canada...and our beautiful native people...national TREASURES. To be celebrated and embraced. And anyone who doesn't should be ashamed of themselves.

And of course I also want to say that Alexandre Bilodeau, from Montréal, Québec.

Woohoo!!!! Tabarnac !!!!!

Is an amazing CANADIAN champion...

Stephen Harper's Shameful Trip To Haiti

Well I see that Stephen Harper is continuing his ridiculous campaign to try to make Canadians love him again.

As if anyone could love a political thug who would shutdown Parliament to avoid questions about torture. As if anyone could love a monster who is prepared to let thousands of poor women die, because his theocons won't fund birth control or safe abortions. As if anyone could love a creepy dictator who is waging war on his own people.

But goodness knows he's trying.

The table had been set perfectly - Prime Minister Stephen Harper and his daughter Rachel were part of an audience of about 12,000 drowned rats wearing red-and-white - for O Canada to ring out, however soggily. Instead, it was The Star Spangled Banner.

Cruising the Olympics like a shark or a sucker fish, looking for some golden glory he can feed on.

And now he's off to Haiti for yet another disgusting photo-op.

Even if that means undermining Haiti's fragile government.

Mr. Preval has been criticized for not being visible enough during the quake recovery and ceding control to the UN peacekeeping mission and its member countries, which include the United States, Canada, Brazil and France.

To try to make Preval look more like a President and less like a stooge, the United States has been reducing its profile. But not our man Harper.

Even if that means taking up space on a cargo plane that could have been used to fly in more food and medicines. Even if it means that some Haitians might not receive treatment today because the medical staff have been forcibly recruited to serve as extras in Great Ugly's photo-op.

Because this has NOTHING to do with helping the poor people of Haiti. It's all about helping Stephen Harper. And it's crass and SHAMEFUL.

The good news is I don't think it's going to work. I was watching the Olympics in the cafeteria yesterday. And when a commercial for his corrupt Porky Action Plan came on, a lot of people started to boo.

Because Canadians aren't IDIOTS. And they know a phony....or a pig monster... when they see one.

Just get ready eh? Prepare your ammunition.

Because when the Olympics are over the real games will begin. Harper won't be able to run anymore. He'll be out of photo-ops.

Canadians will be absolutely sick of his sleazy games.

And we are going to CRUSH him...

Valentine's Day and the Misery Bear

I usually hesitate to write about Valentine's Day because I don't want my single friends to feel left out.

Oh sure ....they're always giving me a hard time about being hitched, but I feel that on this day their empty lives are punishment enough.

And I sure don't want all the other bitter people out there to accuse me of being part of the corporate plot to sell chocolates and flowers and cards.

But this year I feel I can safely write about it. Because this year I am all alone. Sébastien is working in a clinic in this tormented place.

“A baby was born last night and then died,” he said, “the mother with no cover from the rain.” He said most in the camp had lost loved ones to the earthquake, but that "living like this…with no help… it’s like we are dying mentally…”

Where happiness is a luxury.

And as if I wasn't down enough.

Woe is me, I'm a Misery Bear....

Because misery loves company eh?

On the other hand, I'm a romantic who believes in the power of love to change the world.

Gay love is a political act.

The kiss in was held peacefully at St-Michel but some gays went to Notre Dame anyway and witnesses are saying 200 Christian activists were expecting them, and after they started kissing, they were attacked with motorbike helmets and kicked."

Which is one reason why Valentine's Day for me is every day of the year. And of course the other is Sébastien. Who is everything I dreamed he would be when I was just a teenager. And who never ceases to inspire... or fool me... into believing that we build a better world.

I did tell you he was a Québécois idiot didn't I?

But I don't think I'll become a misery bear eh? Living in Harper's Canada is depressing enough.

I think I'll just wait a couple of years weeks until he comes home.

First talk about the horror of Haiti, where so many people have lost their loved ones. And what more we can do to help them.

Then hold the flowers and the chocolates.

But carry on like we began....

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Stephen Harper's Sad Olympic Night

At one point during last night's opening ceremonies the camera lingered briefly on Stephen Harper.

And he looked so uncomfortable I thought he was going to come flying out of the rafters shouting "Hey hey don't forget it's all about ME !!!

He looked so jealous the Governor General got to do EVERYTHING, while he just stood there, for one horrible moment I thought he was going to prorogue her.

And although I thought the show was AWESOME.

The snowboarder barreling down the mountain and into the stadium. Our beautiful First Nations in all their glory. The gorgeous colours, and the amazing special effects. The gay bad boy Ashley McIsaac fiddling away wildly, the orca under the floor, the flying farm boy soaring over the golden prairies. And of course the lesbian queen K.D. Lang singing like only she can.

It was so wonderfully Canadian, gentle, different and creative, I loved every minute of it.

And so did a lot of Americans.

Indeed, the most memorable moments of the opening ceremonies came when Canada felt perhaps most unfamiliar. Fiddlers dressed like Hells Angels? Weary white-clad travelers walking across the snowy tundra? The aurora borealis come to earth?

No one will be mistaking that for America. It was, in the spirit of the national anthem, “the true north strong and free.”

On Friday night, however, Canada gave the world a sneak peek of a world with a lot more Canada.

And it was quite pleasant.

But I bet Great Ugly Leader must have HATED it because those are not his kind of Canadian values.

He was no doubt hoping the show would celebrate his ugly Con ones. Canada as a Warrior Nation. With a pig on a tank. And an oil rig on wheels.

No doubt hoping that it would be his Nuremberg moment that would help him get the majority he craves soooooo much.

But sadly for him the reviews of his Please Love Me Tour of B.C. have been brutal.

When reporters are kept at arm's length from the PM, you get quotes like these, from the PMO:

Harper said: "The Year of the Tiger holds great promise for Canada."

"My wife Laureen and I look forward to seeing Canada's vibrant Chinese community marking the Lunar New Year with colourful festivities across the country."

You get the picture.

Yup. We do. The monster is desperate.

And a dictator, is a dictator, is a dictator.

So all I can say is buzz off you flying fuhrer nun. I'll take my beautiful Canada just the way it is eh?

Vancouver you were BRILLIANT.

And play it again K.D....

Benny, Blobby, and the Homophobes

I try to stay away from anti-abortion sites. Because my mum warned me about them.... and I'm allergic to the smell of hate and formaldehyde.

But I couldn't ignore the stench of this steamy little dump from the Big Blue Blob.

Not just because it's so stinky. But also because it's so DUMB.

As if gay kids choose to be gay, like Blobby chose to carry a fetus around like a teddy bear. As if standing up for who they are is what kills them.

When in fact if some gay kids commit suicide it's because they are bullied, beaten and terrorized.

Crucified by the hatred these crazy homophobes and fetus fetishists help stir up against them.

Gay, lesbian and bisexual teenagers are twice as likely to think about killing themselves or to attempt suicide as their heterosexual peers, Montreal researchers have found. But do not blame the sex. Blame society.

But what do you expect? When these religious hatemongers are getting their orders from people like Bishop Fred Henry.

"I thought it was pathetic for a political leader to suggest that abortion is somehow tied to the health of women and children," said Bishop Henry. "It was a particularly crass remark in light of all the orphaned children we now see in Haiti. It was absolutely incredible that he would say that and he is alienating religious people with these comments. This will not win him votes.

You know crazy Uncle Freddy... another great friend of children.

The one who gets his instructions from the twisted old closet queen Pope Benny. Who I see is planning to invade Britain. Again.This time wearing a gold cockroach hat instead of a Nazi helmet. But still acting like a fascist.

Fidelity to the Gospel in no way restricts the freedom of others – on the contrary, it serves their freedom by offering them the truth.

Benny's truth? Our freedom? Mein Gott. Muahahahaha.

Oh boy. I know a lot of decent Catholics...including the person I love the most. But those wretched homophobes aren't even Christians.

I wish they would just shut up and flagellate themselves, like the last Pope did.

Think about it. Blobby might rediscover her humanity, while flogging her teddy bear. Uncle Freddy might reflect on the darkness and the absurdity of his life, while spanking his monkey.

And as for Pope Benny...if he can't be a happy homosexual, maybe he can be a happy sadomasochist.

Or just whip it like DEVO !!!!!

Gawd. It's lucky I believe in the power of love eh? Like Jesus did.

And that gay kids are so beautiful and so strong. And that more and more of them are coming out every day, despite what the bigots do to them.

Because if I was Freddy, Benny, or Blobby.

And I looked at my soul in the mirror.

I'd probably whip myself too...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Stephen Harper's Scary Speech in B.C.

Well hit me with a Con cow bell. I have to admit that my image of Stephen Harper's speech to the B.C. legislature today was slightly off.

It did sound a bit like the Sound of Music. As sweet as maple syrup, boring as shit, and as sticky as flypaper. Bzzzzzzzz...

And it was all about our Lord of the Onion Ring. One more desperate attempt to try to fool Canadians into thinking he's just a nice average guy who LOVES Canada...and freedom...and hockey and donuts...and women and children.

But it was actually worse than even I had imagined eh?

It was positively SCARY.

Because how can the nasty monster invite himself to address another Parliament, and talk about democracy and freedom, when he's shutdown the one in Ottawa, to avoid questions about TORTURE? Is he just taunting our democratic values, or mooning them?

And how can he talk about Canadian values when he's prepared to allow tens of thousands of poor women to die because his ReformCons aren't prepared to pay for birth control or safe abortions?

And what in the names of Jebesus was this religious babble?

And so, when we, in our national anthem, ask God to keep our land glorious and free, we mean all of us, all men and women who choose to be Canadians of equal worth, not just in His eyes but in each other’s.

Glory Hally Boobah. How can He say that ? When the theocons in the PMO are waging a secret war against everything that makes our land glorious and free. By attacking decent human rights organizations like a pack of rabid wolves.

And how can he talk about how he's made us proud to be Canadians, when he's shamed us in the eyes of the world?

Gawd. He must think Canadians are idiots. Flatter them a little and they'll roll over and purr.

The bad news? This monster is delusional, desperate and dangerous. And I'll NEVER be able to think of him and the Sound of Music again. Damn.

And the good news? You can fool some of the people but you can't fool them all.

And from now on when I think of Great Ugly Leader and his paen to patriotism. And the Olympics.

And how the future belongs to Con Canada.

I'll think of this movie instead...

Fight them. Fight them. Fight them.

Don't let them win...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Why the Cons Should be Arrested

I got home from work today, put on the TV, and there was Harper's monkey Dimitri Soudas accusing the wonderfully human Libby Davies of endangering human lives.

“Veterans, seniors and young children are currently being prevented from exiting or entering the Chinese Cultural Centre of Greater Vancouver because the Libby Davies “welcoming committee” has taped all exits shut..."

"The situation has created a security risk for all the people currently in the building. Some doors have been chained or taped shut while people were preparing for a Chinese New Year rehearsal.”

When Libby had nothing to do with the demonstration. Nobody was in danger. And the only people threatening the lives of Canadians are the foul Con ideologues, who would turn Canada into Amerika.

By shutting down the Insite facility, just to create a wedge issue, in a province where their polls are tanking. Just to appease their rabid wingnut base.

Even though it could cost the lives of thousands of Canada's poorest and most vulnerable citizens.

Even though their brutish RepubliCon ideology is nothing less than murder.

Oh boy. What more can I say or do? Except add to my list of things we must do to save Canada.

First we organize, unite, and defeat these Con bastards.

Then we charge them with crimes against humanity.

Then we pack them off to PRISON...

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

When Progressives Attack Facebook

Uh oh. Hold the onion rings. It looks as if the backlash against Facebook has begun.

Making an onion ring more "popular" than Stephen Harper implies that a) you have too much time on your hands, and or b) you can make people do almost anything on Facebook regardless of how trite, meaningless and time-wasting it is. Onion ring popularity is the activist's version of Farmville. Pardon me for believing that everything on Facebook is an onion ring contest and nothing is really serious.

Oh boy. That is serious. Especially since I LOVE onion rings. Mmmmmm.

And disappointing.

Because although my view of Facebook is somewhat similar to this one.

I do have to say this: The Facebook Army has done MORE to mobilize progressive Canadians, and put a big dent in the side of the Harper dictatorship, than anything or anybody has done in more than FOUR years.

And nowhere is it written that you can't organize a popular revolt, encourage young people to join in the political process, and still have fun.

Especially in a country that's dying of apathy, tiredness, and BOREDOM.

And nowhere does it say that you can't use an onion ring to ridicule Stephen Harper, like the Cons used ridicule to DESTROY Stephane Dion.

Which is why I believe that all progressives, young and old, should respect each other, and concentrate on uniting our forces. Instead of fighting each other, and doing the same old, tired, boring thing over and over again, and getting NOWHERE.

And I'd rather concentrate on the next step in the struggle.

The not so secret democracy mission...or the 31 days of action.

Because ANYTHING that helps topple the tyrant is good enough for me. So don't be discouraged Facebook Army. You're doing great.

Just hoist the onion ring high eh? Because darn it I'm HUNGRY !!!!

For victory.

And hey hey, ho ho, the struggle CONTINUES...