Saturday, February 06, 2010

Stephen Harper's Desperate Damage Control

Oh no.Somebody call a guy with a net. Our Lord of the Onion Ring has been staging his own version of Question Period. And pretending to be a hockey fan. Again.

“He’s like this all the time. He’s like a kid in a candy shop — he loves hockey,” said a media representative of the Prime Minister’s Office, who went on to jokingly agree that it was no wonder Parliament Hill came to a grinding halt a few weeks ago after a prorogue was declared. Canadian politics are kind of drab when matched up with the likes of Wayne Gretzky.

And as you can see it wasn't pretty.

Though casual about it, it was clear Harper was simply infatuated with No. 99 and was left hanging on every word that escaped from Gretzky’s humble lips. Gretzky could have asked Harper to prank call North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il and fart into the mouthpiece and the prime minister likely would have agreed to his request.

Gawd almighty. Fart into the mouthpiece? Holy Jong Jebesus. First the theocons in the PMO direct our foreign policy, now Gretzky?

But what do you expect? Even Don Martin now admits Great Strategic Genius , Mother Theresa Ugly Onion Ring leader is DESPERATE.

Perhaps the realization they have been too-smart-by-half is reflected in amateur-hour mistakes that run counter to the Conservative's cool, disciplined style.

All these empty ministerial pontifications prompted the CBC's Rick Mercer to remark on Twitter that "it's like when they wheel out [North Korean leader] Kim Jong-il just to prove he's still upright and breathing."

And the best thing?

Next week looks no better, with Mr. Harper making his first address to a provincial legislature, which raises the questionable optics of how Olympic host politicians are actually working in a Liberal controlled B.C. legislature while his government stands adjourned.

Because Great Onion Ring said he couldn't work and watch the Olympics eh? When everyone knows he's been extremely busy, doing one photo-op after the other.

And selling us out to the Americans.

To put it another way, we've promised to open our so-called sub-national government procurement markets permanently in exchange for partial access to a U.S. program that is due to expire in 11 days.

Gawd. Is that just incompetence? Or is it treason?

And how I wonder does Harper think he can win over the people of B.C.?

Not just by being there I hope....

He does? OMG. Call the guy with the net. Or press the emergency button.

Heh. Heh. Heh. I LOVE the smell of onion rings in the morning.

We have these Cons where we want them.


And now we're going to def-EAT them...


  1. I love that sound of music picture. If you're on Facebook, you should post it to the new onion ring fan page; by the way. That lone onion ring has quite the fan base.

  2. You cracked me up with this one, Simon - as desperately serious as the topic is. That is a sign of a gifted writer - being able to frame something so dreadful as humorous once in awhile.
    The button just did me in! Thanks! I really needed that laugh!

  3. hi CK...I'm glad you liked that Sound of Music cartoon. The only thing I think it was missing was a little Porky Action Plan piggly in the corner singing Edelweiss...Edelweiss.
    But there's always tomorrow... :)

  4. hi CanNurse...I'm glad I made you laugh. At this time of the year we can't get enough of that.
    I long ago decided that since I'm forced to write about Harper all the time, I'm going to have fun doing it.
    Not only do I find the man crass and horrible, I also find him ridiculous. And any time I can mock him you can be sure I will.
    I know it's mixing business with pleasure, but I do so enjoy it. :)

  5. Nice work, Simon. One thing though, the liberals in BC are liberal in name only, they arose from the ashes of the So Cred party. And they haven't been sitting for quite some time either. They are only working Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday before they go have their big party. And Victoria and Vancouver CAPP's are planning a little party of our own to greet the PM. cheers.

  6. hi Kim... thank you...when I first visited B.C. I found it quite confusing to discover that the Liberals were actually the Conservatives.It sounded like a Con job to me. :)
    But I'm happy to hear you are preparing a warm welcome for Great Ugly Leader.
    Because he really deserves it...

  7. Our pleasure, Simon.