Thursday, March 20, 2014

Fred Phelps: Why I'm Celebrating the Death of a Bigot

It seems only right that the day Spring finally arrived, was also the day that Fred Phelps finally departed.

Fred Phelps -- the founding pastor of a Kansas church known for its virulently anti-gay protests at public events, including military funerals -- has died, the church said Thursday.

And I must admit that my first reaction was to put on my party tuque, turn up the music, and prepare to kickoff five days of wild celebrations.

Because I feel about his death like Christopher Hitchens felt about the death of that other anti-gay bigot Jerry Faldwell.

If you gave him an enema you could bury him in a match box.

For who could forget that ghastly old man...

Or his bestial anti-gay bigotry.

Or the way he tormented others.

Under Phelps' leadership, Westboro members have preached that every calamity, from natural disasters to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, is God's punishment for the country's acceptance of homosexuality. Phelps had advocated for gays and lesbians to be put to death.

And of course, I can't forget how five years ago when Freddy and his cult were threatening to visit Canada, how much fun I had mocking them...

Sending them rude messages

And driving them crazy... 


So I was really looking forward to celebrating Freddy's departure.

But then I saw that all kinds of gay people were saying today that we shouldn't celebrate his death, we should be better than him.

There is no better evidence that love triumphs over hatred than the statement offered this week by Thomas Witt, executive director of Equality Kansas. 

 “This is our moment as a community to rise above the sorrow, anger and strife he sowed, and to show the world we are caring and compassionate people who respect the privacy and dignity of all,” Witt wrote.

Which at first drove me wild eh? Because I'm not the kind of guy who likes to let bigots get away with ANYTHING.

But then I had to admit they were right. *Sigh*

We must be better than them. 

And Freddy was such a loser he actually helped the cause of LGBT freedom, by making all homophobes look bad, or as crazy as he was. 

So I was prepared to let it go, and put my party tuque back in the closet.

Until I read this story about the prodigal son, the one good Phelps, and how Freddy used to beat his children. 

You know Freddy the MANIAC...

When we were younger it was a barber strap. That thing got so shredded at the ends that it would wrap around the sides of our legs and tear the skin. It was kind of like a cat o’ nine tails. When I was about 8 or 9 he introduced us to a Mattock handle, which is a farming instrument or tool that you use to pull up roots, and it’s got an axe head on one end and a hoe head on the other end. It’s big. You know, take a baseball bat, add maybe 30 percent to that. 

 (Q) What, he’d have you bend over a chair or what did he do?

Yeah, and then he would beat us anywhere from the lower part of our back down to behind our knees and he swung it hard, he swung it like a baseball bat. And oftentimes what would happen is there would be eight or 10 strokes and then he would go into a 10- or 15-minute screaming session with what we were doing wrong and how it was defying God and that we were evil.You know all of these religious-based threats and insults to the children and then he’d go back to the beating and by then the skin has stretched tight from the damage. So the next blows would just split the skin and so you’d get blood.

And after that I had to take everything back. 

And tell the good gays that I'm proud of them for remaining so noble despite the vicious way they are attacked, and how long they have had to fight for the most basic human rights. I really am. They are amazing.

But sadly, although some of my friends call me Saint Simon, or in French Saint Cinnabon, I can't be THAT good eh?

So I do have this last message for that bully, that beast, that LOSER...

I am putting on my happy tuque after all.

I will play a few gay classics like Ding Dong The Bigot's Dead.

I will party like crazy, if I make it to the weekend.

And because I know he would have HATED it.

This song is for Freddy...

Yup. Hooray for the gay people. And all the victims of the hate that kills.

Another bigot bites the dust.

But the struggle continues...

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  1. Anonymous12:36 AM

    One after one they all die, these old nut cases from the old days are disappearing from our planet. I have two sons that are the new generation of acceptance which makes a parent like myself so proud..... unlike the hate I witnessed as a youth. The same goes with the right wing zealots, they are aging and they will too die off. Fuckhead Harper and his cronies are so out of touch with todays youth, they do not have access to "ground zero" of youth to corrupt their minds. We volunteers, coaches, teachers and community leaders are the biggest threat to their agenda. As you say, We will destroy the likes of the Harperites and Phelps.

    1. hi anon...yes happily you're right. Old prejudice takes a long time to die, but the new generation is promising us a better future. I was very encouraged to see a large group of students at the University of Missouri forming a human barrier to prevent the Phelps family from picketing a gay basketball player who was speaking at the university. And there are many stories like that. I like to think that the worst of them brings out the best in us...

  2. Despite how despicable this creature was, let us not forget the savagery that continues unchallenged in African countries where our brothers and sisters are dying at the hands of the Freddy types who actually follow through on their death wishes for us. Just as innocent children are being murdered in the name of insane religious infighting, so are LGBT citizens. Sure Freddy was bad, but these governments are far worse and we should not forget the continued silence about those atrocities. It is not Ukraine that should be in the news, but Africa, where humans are slaughtered by the thousands continually and die of poverty while the world sits by and worries about a silly man like Putin.

    1. hi're absolutely right. Freddy was all talk and no action, and it is others who are far more "respectable" who are hurting LGBT people all over the world. And you're right about Africa too. I admit that I have not given that horrible situation enough attention. I'm so weary after this very long winter I almost don't have the energy to look. When I think of how much hate we are bombarded with on a daily basis, it's a miracle we are not just standing but fighting and winning too...

  3. As far as Fred Phelps goes; if he was right in the concept of heaven, he failed on the most important Law Jesus gave, that we love one another. If you do not believe in the concept of heaven and hell, you can only have your joy at his passing as comfort. I despair at the message this creature preached and hope he did not infect others of his flock, but I cannot rejoice at his passing.

    I would love to sprinkle consecrated wine on his grave, but as this would entail needing to transport it in my kidneys from Mass to grave site, I doubt I could hold it that long.

    Keep up the good fight Simon.

    1. hi Filcher...yes you're right, I find it hard to believe that people like Phelps could give vent to so much hate, and then go to bed at night thinking he was the best Christian in the world. Quoting the Bible in his sleep and ignoring Jesus' central message. I don't really rejoice in his passing I just saw so many gay people agonizing over whether to do that, with most saying we shouldn't, I couldn't help have a little fun. Until while writing the post I saw that story about how his beat his children and I was absolutely horrified. I may not be partying but I'm not sorry he's gone...

  4. e.a.f.5:44 PM

    The man is dead, The less said about him the better. No need to give him another thought or words.

    1. hi e.a.f....well unless Freddy comes back from the dead, I have certainly written my last story...

    2. Yep. Scrub your mind he ever existed at all! Consistency, thy name is e.a.f. lol