Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Day they Called me a Homophobe

Golly. I've been called a lot of names in my life. From Mr Faggot and Mr Poof for my gay gorgeousness, to Mr Telephone Pole for the size of my....um....intellect.

But I think I can honestly say....cross my heart....I've NEVER been called an intolerant homophobe.

And I'm speechless. I can't help but feel I'm not WORTHY. So I think I'll leave the good Dr Dawg to deal with Small Dead Chihuahuas.

While I deal with Diogenes.

By sending him a little note...in a discreet brown paper envelope.

With love from one gay guy to another...

Dear Dio

I was sorry to hear that you took offence at my mild criticism of Uncle Fred's new cabaret Gay Dominion.

And of course even sorrier to note that you've been used like a tool by the bigots at the Chihuahua Factory.

And I just want to say that if I had known it was you who came up with that awful name, I wouldn't have slagged it. Just suggested something better like La Con Aux Folles.

However, brother, I do think you exaggerate a bit when you say this:

What happens when gays have the audacity to announce that they support the Conservative Party of Canada? They get compared to black klansmen and Jewish Nazis, called "Uncle Toms" or compared to black minstrels tap-dancing for "massa". They are subjected to the most outrageous, condescending and offensive smears I can imagine.

I have never encountered from Conservatives who know I am gay the animosity and vitriol directed at me by gays who find out I'm a Conservative.

I mean PUH- LEAZE. Who do you think you are? St Sebastian of the Con Closet Queens?

At least he's HOT....I mean he WAS.

But seriously Dio what really annoys me is not that you're a Conservative Party supporter. What really pisses me off is that you and the others like you spend all your time attacking the gay movement. And always seem to be apologizing about being gay.

But still I could NEVER hate you like those homophobic Cons do. Your so-called friends. Oh sure they LOVE it when you attack us. But they laugh at you behind your back, and hate you just as much as they HATE the rest of us.

You can pretend otherwise, or hide behind your ridiculous slogan:

"Each individual should allow reason to guide his conduct, or like an animal, he will need to be lead by a leash."

But the fact is you're the one on the leash. These homophobes are just using you Dio. Like Kate just did. Taking you WALKIES. While you wag your tail, and beg them to love you...or give you a treat.

So please let's not play the martyr anymore. I'm sorry to say you're just a gay stooge.

So if you didn't like that video of what you call those "happy tap dancing negroes." At the Gay Dominion Cabaret.

How about this one?

Mammy. Mammy. Massa. Massa. I'm just a poor gay Con. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles....and a pat on the head. Now gimme a watermelon !!!!!!!!

Enjoy it. And don't forget to spit out the seeds. Eh?



Which only leaves me with something to say to Krazy Kate at Small Dead Chihuahuas.

Which is a real problem.

Because I don't speak her language.

But luckily he does....

So there. Take THAT.

Oh boy. Isn't it great to be gay, lefty, and FREE? Woof. Woof. The bigots can call me a homophobe, And bombard me with ugly messages. But I don't give a shit.

Because with opponents like that. And their gay stooges.

How can we possibly LOSE?


bigcitylib said...

At trying times like this,you can always take comfort in your gay gorgeousness.

Simon said...

Hi Big City Lib....yes I don't know what impelled me to write a line like that. I'm blaming it on the trauma of being called a homophobe!!
On the other hand why do you think I typing this in the nude sitting in front of a mirror? :)

Nicole said...

YEESH!!!! Simon!!!!

Last i left you, I was heading to Vegas ( which was FABULOUS) ( shopped, shopped, met people everywhere I went, had fun...thought I was gonna get kicked out of Madame T.'s wax museum for being scandalously naughty...;-) and you were contemplating the Autumn leaves splendors...

and OBAMA is the President Elect!!!!

and good on you for accepting and "exploiting" your gay gorgeousness.

I accept and exploit my fabulous hair every chance i get. :-p

Now, I don't know what all went down, I just read thru your post and got many a chuckle.
Not only are you full of the gay gorgeousness...you are full of the wit!

Simon said...

Hi Nicole !! nice to hear from you again. I'm so glad to hear that you had a FABULOUS time. Although now that I hear that you were naughty at Madame T's Wax Museum I MUST have the details !!!!
And isn't it great that Obama was elected. How lucky the Americans are. All we've got is Harpo.*sob*
As for that crazy post I am feeling a bit embarrassed about it.
I probably shouldna gone on so much about another gay guy ....and aired our dirty laundry. But you know how I feel about any kind of Cons and those stooges drive me NUTS!!!
As for the gay gorgeousness I just made it up on thde spur of the moment. It's not true but since they are always trying to make us feel bad about who we are...why not? :)

Nicole said...

well don't be so hard on yourself.

The thing is...a gay conservative is kind of a hard straw to grasp...he must have his own demons you'd think? In a way, it is kind of selling out either side!!

So yes...Madame T's....LOL oh Simon...I was on the naughty side and can't even use alcohol ( for this particular outing) as my excuse.

I went with my bestfriend, her hubby and mine, so 8 days with my bestfriend in Vegas was the BEST Simon!!!

At the museum you are allowed to touch and pose with the was replica....so I decided to see if the "Rock" was really the "Rock"...and let me tell you....I also behaved VERY badly towards Nicolas Cage, Tiger Woods and crawled into bed with Hugh Hefner....not that that saggy old man ass would ever have a chance, but it was good for a laugh.

Then i squeezed wax Jenna Jameison's knockers and proclaimed VERY loudy " I KNEW they were fake". My hubby was soooo embarassed by me, but nuthin unusual there! ;-)

I am sooo THRILLED by Obama being elected. While in Vegas, however, you would never have known there was a major election going on. Vegas prefers to remain non-partisan...don't want to piss off either side of the gamblers I suppose.... I was looking to bring something Obama home, but did manage to find an Obama for Change keychain at a 7\11.

and really don't be embarassed about venting.
Those nutters drive me NUTS too. and I am all for the Gay Gorgeousness...it is all true...it comes from within. Loving and accepting one's self!

walk extra proud with your GAY Gorgeousness....i plan too!

Nicole said...

oh yeah...the thing I was shocked AND disappointed by was the Prop. 8 vote.

Simon!!!!!?????? How could California of ALL places vote that in....on a night that made history and a night filled with hope and tolerance???