Sunday, September 05, 2010

Me and the Gay Brain Machine

Although I've been out since the age of twelve, most people who meet me for the first time have no idea I'm gay.

Because for one thing I'm so FABULOUSLY butch, I'd NEVER wear red pants to a leather bar, like Kurt the choir slave boy from Glee does. Even if I dared visit one.

And  they can't use the old Whorl Test on me either.

Because I almost always wear a tuque or a baseball cap.

I mean you can't be too careful eh? You know what they say? It's the homophobe you don't see coming that kills you.

But now I'm sorry to say we have no place to hide. As the gay BBC presenter John Barrowman recently found out.

Now they can read our BRAINS !!!!!!!

So now I'm TERRIFIED. Can you imagine what the theocons in the PMO might do if Harper ever got a majority?

I can. I have this HORRIBLE nightmare.

I'm strapped to this table wearing a metal helmet.

They show me a picture of Jason Kenney.

Then Vic Toews, dressed like one of those guys in the leather bar, tells me I'm really STRAIGHT.

And that my brain was AROUSED.


OMG. I think that's the only thing that could ever make me scream "I LOVE BIG BROTHER !!!!!!"

But of course they'd have to catch me first eh?

And not only can I run fast. 

Me and my buddy are practicing some new survival skills...

OK. Who forgot to leave the window open?

Gawd. It's not easy being gay.

But I'm not complaining...

No comments: