Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Donald Trump, Stormy Daniels, and the Toadstool Nightmare



As we all know, Donald Trump's mental state is continuing to deteriorate. 

He should be concerned about the aftermath of Hurricane Florence, but he's clearly more worried about Hurricane Mueller.



Those who know him claim he's desperately afraid of being humiliated, by being dragged out of the White House in handcuffs.

But if humiliation is what he fears, this should practically kill him.



Because Stormy Daniels' book on Trump is about to be published, and what she has to say about him is a narcissist's nightmare. 

In a tell-all memoir, the pornographic actor Stormy Daniels details salacious descriptions of her time with Donald Trump, wonders if he is fit to be president and claims he offered to cheat for her in his reality TV show.

Especially this part:

She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small”. 

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool… 

 “I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart... 

 “It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

*Gasp* 

First she told us about Trump running around in his "tighty whities." Or how he bent over while she spanked him with a rolled up copy of Forbes magazine, with his picture on the cover. 

And now the ghastly toadstool?

Gawd. I'm going to have to try to hypnotize myself to try to get that image out of my mind.

And needless to say I won't be playing Mario Kart ever again...



But what grosses me out the most, apart from all the lying, is that Trump apparently began his affair with Daniels only days after his wife Melania had her first child.

The man isn't just the scummiest President ever.

He's a hideous grunting beast.

And you can't put lipstick on a hog like this one...



23 comments:

Jackie Blue said...

The United States is officially the laughingstock of the world. The walls are finally coming down on Czar Tetris and we've reached the, um... "tip" of the Gamergate presidency. But to call it a glitch in the system is the understatement of the millennium.

And right-wingers have the nerve to screech about Obama's tan suit and Trudeau's socks. Or Obama's mom jeans and Trudeau's cultural garb in India. Or Hillary's pant suit and the Trudeau family's Halloween costumes. They all need to STFU, because their side is rallying around King Koopa with a toadstool in his pants.

This is the worst mushroom trip anyone's ever been on. Someone please push the reset button on the Nintendo at the end of the universe and start over. I almost don't want to know if there's any additional Sega comparisons to be made. Something about a hedgehog going really fast and a fox handling blue balls...

rumleyfips said...

So its not just a case of short fingers.

Anonymous said...

Gawd, you're the best!

UU

Anonymous said...

The man is a beast, and like a reverse Midas everything he touches he corrupts. How this man ever became president is simply beyond me.

Anonymous said...

I don't play video games, but I'm never eating mushrooms again!!

Anonymous said...

Somewhere in an alt universe there has to be a defamation law suit and court evidence verifying that Stormy is either telling the truth or lying. Fortunately we are not in that universe but it does seem a little weird that Fox news has not countered with a fake news expose and some declassified documents with heavily redacted FBI testimony describing the real thing.
RT

e.a.f. said...

OMG, and now we could have Dr. Ford describing acts of Kavanaugh.

lagatta à montréal said...

I love mushrooms. It is very fun slicing them - thick or thin, depending on the recipe - before cooking them.

jrkrideau said...

Well, I think Trump is an friend or, at least, an associate of Rupert Murdock. There is a man with an incredible ability to turn gold into dross.

It may be some kind of secret cabal, like the Illuminati.

Anonymous said...

I'm picturing a baby carrot topped off with a mushroom and a realisation that I wont be eating any veggies for a very long time.
JD

Simon said...

Hi Jackie... UU is right, you are the best!! It is the worst mushroom trip ever. And how anyone can still support that maniac is truly disturbing. King Koopa with a toadstool in his pants, I may have to travel to a desert island to try to forget that one. It’s absolute insanity and I can’t wait until the bestial Bowser is disappeared by whatever means necessary...

Simon said...

Hi rumleyfips...no apparently not, although maybe it was the smallness that caused his little prick to grow out sideways. But needless to say, the less I think about it the better...

Simon said...

Hi anon@8:47 pm...yes he is a beast, a short fingered vulgarian as Graydon Carter once called him. And like you I will never understand how he became President...

Simon said...

Hi jrkrideau...Rupert Murdoch is one of the most despicable characters around. He has financed all kinds of reactionary publications, and when I found out he was married to one of Mick Jaggers girlfriends I practically collapsed. The great cartoonist Martin Rowson portrays Murdoch as a creepy Gollum, which I believe captures his depraved personality perfectly...

Simon said...

Hi anon 9:02 PM...we’ll inwouldn’t go that far. Mushrooms are too delicious to give up for Trump. Just cut them in half and that should prevent you from having horrible thoughts. Or get the big portobello mushrooms that are far too big for Trump...

Simon said...

Hi lagatta...When I was a boy I used to pick mushrooms at a nearby golf course, and then fry them in butter with a bit of garlic. And I must say they were heavenly. I recently found out that Prince Charles likes to collect mushrooms at his Royal estates, so great minds think alike. Or do they? 😉

Simon said...

Hi RT...I have always believed Daniels, for why would Trump try to buy her silence if nothing had happened. But as I said in my post, I don’t care what two adults do together, but the fact that he would begin an affair with a sex worker right after his wife gave birth to Barron I find shocking. I admit I’m a romantic, but some things define the person you are, and I wouldn’t let him through the door of my house...

Simon said...

Hi e.a.f...I presume you’re referring to ape Ford’s visit to Washington, and I must say the very idea sounds scary to me. I hate to imagine what he might tell Congress, and I only hope he doesn’t embarrass this country too much.His brother was bad enough...

Simon said...

Hi JD...no no let’s not go there. Please have mercy on us. I shall put out a standing order later today, demanding that all carrots, bananas, and mushrooms be sliced and diced before they can be consumed, 👨‍🍳

Jackie Blue said...

I think e.a.f. was referring to Kavanaugh's accuser, a professor of psychology at Palo Alto University in California named Christine Blasey Ford. Who has been called to testify about her allegations before all those other creepy old men in the Senate, so they can further re-traumatize and railroad her. And then vote to confirm him anyway after putting her through all that.

But "notwithstanding" the (thankfully, unrelated) Dr. Ford, of course Doug is a wreck of a Pinto just waiting to happen. And obviously has some "insecurities" of his own leading him to overcompensate as such a tough guy.

e.a.f. said...

Jackie Blue is correct. Dr. Ford, is Dr. Ford who is going to perhaps testify against Kavanaugh.

Now that Jackie Blue has raised the topic of Dougie, I'm sure some one out there has some "salacious" stories to sell, but most likely was "purchase" by the Cons and his handlers prior to the election. Boys like Dougie, don't come to politics without a track record.

e.a.f. said...

No reference to any of it again. I'm going to up chuck, vomit, etc. This is more than I need to know.

lagatta à montréal said...

I fry them in olive oil with A LOT of garlic. It is a Spanish tapas recipe. You also need some good crusty bread.

This can also be a potent weapon for trade union bargaining teams.