My Scary, Stinky, Earthquake Story

Oh. My. Gorilla. As if it wasn't scary enough living in the shadow of the G20 summit. There I was this afternoon putting the finishing touches on my will.

When suddenly the earth shook.

“It was unbelievable,” said Susan Ashley, who lives in a 10th floor apartment at Victoria Park and the Danforth. She was working on her computer when she it began: “Everything was swaying and shaking … I felt like I was in my car.”

Her dog started barking and Ashley ran to the hallway, where everyone on her floor was streaming out. “I didn’t think it was the end of the world, but it was scary.”

And like everybody else in my neighbourhood I assumed the WORST...













Or even worse than that. Because I've got an active imagination eh?  

And I couldn't help wondering...does a biological weapon or a dirty bomb go BOOM?

Or BZZZZZZZZ?

Like this well known terrorist...





















Because let's face it in my traumatized hood these days every second person looks like a terrorist or a CSIS agent. And as I've said before, the last thing we need is Halloween in June.

So naturally I didn't stick around to find out what was going on. Like everybody else I just ran. Just not too quickly eh?

Because with snipers on the rooftops you don't want to attract too much attention... even if you don't wear a hijab. Like quite a few of my poor neighbours  fellow prisoners do.

And I didn't want to be shot while terrorized AND bitterly disappointed:

A picture fell off the wall outside the prime minister’s office, but the PMO was not evacuated.

But then, just when I thought I wouldn't be able to hold my breath a second longer, came the all clear. The Neighbourhood Security Commmander picked up his bull horn and shouted.

"OK fun time's OVAH. Everybody back inside, and make it snappy or ELSE..."

It turns out it wasn't a dangerous terrorist, or a dirty bomb, or a biological weapon.

It was just Stephen Harper.
















Whew...I mean phew. What a relief eh?

The man should be arrested for holding a summit in a residential neighbourhood AND an active earthquake zone.

But I figure after the way he embarrassed us at the last  summit.

Better now than LATER...

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P.S. What? You don't like my stinky story? OK. Next time I'll post it to Twitter and it'll be even BETTER.