Saturday, September 05, 2009

Harper's Humiliating Attack on Washington

Oh no. If you thought that Stephen Harper's bumbling Cons had shamed us enough in the eyes of the world, wait until they stage this noisy pantomime.

The mock village, complete with a small souk and peopled by nearly a dozen Afghan actors, will be created in the courtyard of the Canadian embassy, halfway between the Capitol and the White House. A handful of Canadian soldiers and, Col. Martin hopes, U.S. Marines will arrive to “see the village leader” just as the IED blows up, “critically injuring” at least one Afghan, who will get immediate first aid from a Canadian medic.

Because let's face it, whether you support the war or not, when the American media get a hold of this one they'll be laughing at us all the way from Choogabooga to Uzbekistan.

And that's if things go right. If the sound of explosions echoing through the city doesn't cause mass panic. Or passing motorists don't see men running around dressed like Bin Laden, stop their cars, and open fire on the "terrorists."

And then the Americans will take a closer look at what we're doing in Afghanistan compared to what they're doing. And wonder what this blowhard is talking about:

“If this works the way I want it to, more Americans will know what Canada is doing in Afghanistan,” said Lieutenant-Colonel Douglas Martin, a military attaché at the Canadian embassy.

“Unfortunately there are still a lot of Americans … who don't know about how great the Canadian commitment is,”

When we've got about 3,000 troups there and they've got 60,000. And we're pulling out while they're staying FOREVER.

But what bothers me almost as much as this cringing display of our national inferiority complex, or the waste of money, is how tacky it's going to look. So in the interest of saving some face I'd like to suggest a few ways to make this exercise a little more realistic.

(1) Bring in a bunch of real Afghan police officers, so they can stop traffic on Pennsylvania Avenue and demand money from the drivers.

(2) Fly over a real warlord so he can set up a scary but educational exhibit with the skulls of his enemies. While offering handy tips on how to grow opium...and how to beat your wife wives.

(3) Provide some much needed musical entertainment, by hiring a genuine arm fart musician to play for the guests ...

Because if that doesn't work, the next time you travel to the United States.

Forget all that stuff about Canada being a proud nation.

And don't forget to pack your bags...

Oh Harper you klown what have you done to us?

And when can we give you the HOOK?


'berto said...

Cripes. This is the type of "subtlety" we've come to expect from the likes of Jason Kenny, John Baird, Pierre Poilievre and, yes, Stephen Harper. Not to mention General "Scumbags" Hillier. But now they're about to proudly parade their dumb-assery all over Washington. Jeeee-ZUZ! The only consolation is that even THIS isn't as fuckwad-stupid as one-tenth of the ass-hattery that "Little Boots" Bush pulled while mugging in front of the cameras like a Global Village Idiot...

BTW, Simon, in that list of things we should do to make the whole exercise seem more authentic, you forgot to mention throwing Afghani queers (and women fleeing abusive husbands) in prison -- 'coz we're busy doing that over there, too:

Simon said...

hi ' know I fancy as a guy who says things as I see them, whether it makes me unpopular, or people think I'm an asshole, or whatever.
So sadly I must report that I believe that a lot of Canadians probably don't see anything wrong with this absurd show. They're still playing the national inferiority game...trying to be RECOGNIZED by the Americans !!!!
Just like once many Canadians used to bend backwards to prove to our colonial masters that we were as BRITISH as them. If not more.
We should concentrate on building a new nation, that marches to its own drum, is proud of its values, and doesn't apologize for its civilized difference to anybody...

P.S. I did not include the situation of women and queers because this is supposed to be a PANTOMIME. Not a tragic FARCE. Duh. ;)
However, I will allow the Warlord to ask families if he can marry their 12-year-old daughters.
Because he wouldn't be a Warlord if he didn't...