Sunday, September 28, 2008

Stephen Harper's Absurd Manly Man Act

Oh no. Now this election campaign is absolutely RUINED !!! It's already horribly BORING... in a nightmarish sort of way. Now it's about to lose what little glamour it had.

First Great Nice, Hockey Daddy, Pretty, Angry Leader takes off his granny drag.

Now it turns out John Baird WON'T be escorting Mrs Stephen Harper to the ball after all.

A day after Stephen Harper complained that the arts community is “a bunch of people at a rich gala,” his wife has pulled out of a ritzy soiree at Ottawa’s National Arts Centre, scheduled for Oct. 4.

Laureen Harper has been involved with the NAC Gala since 2005. This is her third year as honourary chair. Her entrance — made with Mr. Baird — has always made a bit of a splash, mostly because onlookers wanted a glimpse of what the prime minister’s wife was wearing.

And of course what Johnzilla was wearing too...

*Sigh* It's just TOO disappointing. You know some people are blaming Mrs Harper, for slapping a bunch of "rich" artists..... with rented tuxedos..... in the face. But I'm blaming Jane Taber.

I think when the guys in dark suits in the RepubliCon War Room digested that image. You know Stephen Harper as " Ordinary Guy" sitting on his couch munching popcorn, plotting how to DESTROY his enemies, while his wife goes out on the town with another man. I think the suits had a COW. Or a cow patty in their pants. Or just an Ezra.

Because that's NOT exactly the image of an "Ordinary Guy" AND a "Manly Manly Man" that they need to sell Great Monster Leader's demagogic Imaginary Crime and Child Rape plan.

Which of course in itself is absurd. Because under no circumstance can Stephen Harper be considered a Strong Manly Man Leader. I mean can a chubby nerd policy wonk, who is fascinated with Stalin, but determined to turn us into Amerika, be an ordinary hoser? Or protect us from ANYTHING? I don't think so.

The only place I'd follow Great Fat Leader to is a donut shop. And only if I could wear a paper bag over my head, so my friends couldn't recognize me. And call me a nerd too.

But it seems the sinister Con War on Everything Room just won't give up. Can you believe what they had Harpo doing last night ? Playing POOL at a High School reunion!!!!

Not that anyone was supposed to know what happened.

Even the waitresses seemed to be sworn to secrecy. Curious onlookers asked what happened behind the glass doors, which separated the alumni party from the rest of the pool hall.

"Why are there (security) dogs here?" a patron asked a waitress, who smiled but did not reply.

But I can only IMAGINE. Stephen "Fats" Harper bending over a pool table ......showing the crack of his ample nerds always do. While his "buddies" miss easy shots to make him look good. Jason Kenney crawls under the pool table with a divining rod...or the bone of a saint...trying to steer Fatso's balls into the pockets.

And John Baird stands there waving his arms around and screaming " Boss!!! Boss!!!! The hole!!! The hole!!! What a leader !!! What an EXTRA "Ordinary Guy."!!!! What a Manly Manly Manly Man. I'm so proud to be his EUNUCH !!!!

Oh boy. You know all I can say is this. One.....Stephen Harper may be the opposite of a Great Strong Leader. Because if he is one, Dion is Tarzan, and Layton is King Kong.

He may be a fraud and a dangerous bully.

But never was a monster so PRETTY...

And two .....if this absurd Bad Karma Chameleon Con act manages to fool Canadians into thinking only his Nerdly Darkness can keep them safe. Fool them into giving him a majority.

It won't be pretty. It'll be REALLY ugly. We'll all be wearing paper bags....or handcuffs.

And we'll DESERVE what we get....


Anonymous said...

Holy SHIT, Simon! This election has you on fire! Great, great powerful stuff you've been writing. It's a pleasure (and a horror) to visit your blog.

Anonymous said...

Did he chalk his own cue or did someone do it for him? If you want to play ordinary guy at the pool table, you have to pay attention to the details, right?

Anonymous said...

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John W said...

I can hear Laureen going on and on about her gown for the gala, and Steve is reading his Karl Rove manual. Finally it stops and Steve says, "Laureen there's something I forgot to mention, you know that NAC gala thing???"

Simon said...

Hi Dr Prole!! Hey thanks a lot. I must admit I am fired up because the thought of a Harper majority is too awful.
And as for this post... I have always disliked Harper's I'm a strong manly man leader and Dion is a weak nerd attack line. It always struck me as bullying, and the macho posturing absurd. Especially since Harper is a nerd himself. Take the case of Joe Clark. He was ridiculed for being a nerd too, but I consider him to be a decent man and a real Canadian and if he was leading the Cons I wouldn't worry at all. Banana Republics need gorilla leaders, democracies need decent, caring, principled ones...

Simon said...

Hi Ann!! I KNEW I had forgotten something. Or someone. How about Peter Van Loan,the chubby little attack chihuahua, chalking Great Leader's cue, and polishing the cue ball with his TONGUE ? :)

Simon said...

Hi anonymous ! Thanks for the link.
Wow that's an impressive site. Cool. Well done. Félicitations! As soon as I can get off my ass I'm going to make a list of these sites including yours to help people who are planning to vote I am. And remind them, as you do so well, and in both languages, why Harper is so dangerous and must be stopped. Keep up the good work !!

Simon said...

Hi John...OMG I think you're right...I can just see the monster saying that. Actually I'm a bit disappointed in Laureen. She seems quite decent and human compared to her mate. So I'm sorry to see her playing politics over something like a gala to support young artists. But as you point out, and I mention in my post, I'm sure it wasn't her decision...

Beijing York said...

Simon, I love you. I swear when I grow despondent with what awaits us should Harper win (minority or majority -- who gives a flying f*ck), I check you site out and I laugh and cry and feel refueled to battle the Absurd Manly Man Harper. Thank you so much.

Simon said...

Hi Beijing York !! I'm glad it made you's my coping mechanism kicking in I think. When the going gets tough...turn tragedy into farce.
As I explained to some of my other readers I am so tired of hearing how we need strong (i.e. macho male) leaders at this time like we're a bunch of frightened peasants in the Middle Ages.Or sheep in some fascist regime. We need, smart leaders, caring ones, and of course much much more women. Because hese Manly Manly men are usually such assholes anyway.
So that's the official reason/excuse for writing this post, but the truth is I just needed a laugh. I think we all do. We're the ones full of life and love. The Cons are the twisted grumpy ones.
And of course we're smiling because we're going to WIN.... :)