Friday, May 20, 2011

How I'm Preparing for the End of the World















Well as you probably know by now the world is going to end tomorrow. So I have issued my final orders for tomorrow's Rapture Rupture Beach Party.

Bring your own protective head gear and wooden spears in case Jason Kenney falls out of the sky. Read Lord of the Flies because it might come in handy. And above all bring your own booze because I'm not sharing.

Oh yeah...and one more thing.

Whatever you do, do NOT travel to the United States this weekend.

Because something really scary is happening down there...



And there are going to be a lot of disappointed people on Sunday eh? Who will probably feel like shooting first..... and praying later. 

You know, the scariest thing is how many Americans believe the world is going to end tomorrow. And how normal they look.

But then throughout history people have always confused the end of an empire with their own impending demise. And in the U.S., where so many are suffering, angry, and fearful, can you really blame some of them for thinking that even death is better than that ?

Which of course is how I sometimes feel about Stephen Harper and his TheoCon government. And why I would LOVE to see them rising like bottle rockets tomorrow. With Jason Kenney screaming : "You see forty years of chastity IS a virtue !!!" Stephen Harper shouting " Wait. Wait. What about mah mah mah magnificent majority #!&?!!"

And Bev Oda wailing "Where's my LIMO ??????"

But then wouldn't we ALL like to see that?

















And think of it on the bright side eh?

By Tuesday Harold Camping should be in a mental hospital, being treated for terminal disappointment and homophobia.

Most of his followers will be atheists. And we won't have to listen to any more of this end of the world madness. At least until 2012.

You know, the year the Mayans predicted we'll be DESTROYED.

OMG. Hey S├ębastien...otra cerveza por favor.

Enjoy your Apocamix.

Have a great weekend everybody...



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2 comments:

  1. One of my regrets; not having written a screenplay; the 40 year old virgin part d'uh--The Jason Kenney Life and Times.

    As for Harold Camping, I think he'll have mysteriously disappeared come Sunday morning. Probably someplace with no extradition agreement with the US; in some evangelical witness protection program; to never be heard from. Again. Or, given that he's already so old and decrepid, maybe he'll just croak from too much excitement.

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  2. Which of course is how I sometimes feel about Stephen Harper and his TheoCon government. And why I would LOVE to see them rising like bottle rockets tomorrow. With Jason Kenney screaming : "You see forty years of chastity IS a virtue !!!" Stephen Harper shouting " Wait. Wait. What about mah mah mah magnificent majority #!&?!!"

    And Bev Oda wailing "Where's my LIMO ??????"

    But then wouldn't we ALL like to see that?


    That was brilliant Simon. This whole post really made my evening.

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