Golly. I went down to the farm this afternoon to check with my financial advisers, after hearing about this horrible meltdown.
But when I got there I discovered little Jimbo Flaherty had beaten me to it. Because he's DESPERATE for any kind of advice. And who can blame him eh?
He didn't see it coming, he doesn't know what he's doing. And now he's reduced to jumping up and down and screaming like a tiny banshee.
"As you can see, the markets are reacting," Flaherty said, alluding to Thursday's plunge on global stock and commodity markets. "There's a need for an exercise of political will -- a political decision making in Europe."
Can you believe it? Trying to blame the Europeans for HIS mistakes. Because let's be clear. The Europeans have all of us fastening our seatbelts wondering which country is going to hit the ground first. And what's going to hit us a souvlaki or a pizza pie.
But little Jimbo's fatal error was putting all our eggs in one basket. He turned us into a nation of hewers of rocks and drawers of oil. He allowed the red hot market for commodities to destroy our manufacturing industries. Instead of using the stimulus money to diversify our economy, and create new green jobs, him and his Con gang used it to build gazebos, and BUY votes.
And he forgot what even my feathered advisers know. When it comes to commodities, what goes up, ALWAYS comes down...
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And now we're ALL screwed.
Oh boy. If I wasn't so scared of being poor, and never being able to afford a fancy iPad, I'd be really worried about Jimbo. I fear he's blowing so much hot air out of his tiny pie hole he might just EXPLODE.
I think it's about time Dumbo MacKay picked him up and took him on a little
Holy Flying Ravioli God. Now we know why those fancy jets are going to cost so much. They have to have two seats instead of just one. One for the pilot and the other for the cabinet minister or the general. And a baggage compartment big enough for golf clubs and fishing rods.
Gawd. Who knew the Cons could be so incompetent and so corrupt so soon? Who knew so many Canadians could be so stoopid as to vote for them?
And will they please identify themselves, by tattoing a big scarlet "D" for dumb on their cro-magnon foreheads? So we can shun them, try to prevent them from reproducing, or throw goose eggs at them in the streets.
Or better still...how about we line them up? Get a humungous skipping rope.
And see if they can beat these jumping doggies...
Golly. They're so dumb I bet they could. And wouldn't that be great eh? Then Stephen Harper and Jimbo Flaherty could puff out their chests, and strut around like geese squawking "We're number one !!!" And for once they wouldn't be WRONG.
Yup. Con times are hard times. And these are going to be brutal. But there is some good news.
We can use the coming recession to unite the left and destroy the Con brand. Grind them down and humiliate them.And when the next election finally arrives, or they're forced to resign, they'll be gone for a GENERATION.
Hey. The way I see it, if it takes a brutal recession, or a meteorite hit, or the sight of hundreds of thousands of people marching in the streets, if it helps drive those incompetent, ideological maniacs from power.
It will be more than worth it...