Thursday, October 22, 2009

My Scary Close Encounter with Stephen Harper

OMG. I'm still in shock. It was like a halloween nightmare. I had a close encounter with Stephen Harper and it was HORRIBLE.

I was on my way home yesterday afternoon. I was just about to cross a highway that leads to the airport. When suddenly three motorcycle cops roared up, blocked the intersection, and shouted at me and other pedestrians to stay where we were.

Then about a minute later came the biggest police motorcade I've ever seen in Canada. For a moment I thought that Obama was making a surprise visit. Or that some brutish Banana Republic dictator had just arrived in town with his entourage.

But then I looked more closely, and hunched up in the back seat of one of the limos was Great Porker Leader on his way to the nearby convention center. And I swear his cold, cruel, piggy eyes were staring straight at me !!!!

Yikes. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to give him a fascist salute eh? But I was afraid I might be arrested or shot. So all I could think of doing was screwing up my nose and oinking loudly.

Because him and his porker Cons soooooo deserve it.

For trying to defend the indefensible. And for squirting their pig manure all over the try to BUY themselves a majority with OUR money. So they can mount Canadians like hogs and screw the life out of the country.

But on the bright side....this horrible encounter did give me an idea on how to best capitalize on the Pork Action Plan (PAP) Scandal, and screw THEM out of power.

Because you know.... although I like words like Cheque-Gate, or Cheque-Mate and of course the Cheque Republic, I just don't think they're strong enough to draw attention to the scandal... and make Canadians fighting mad.

I do think this is a step in the right direction.

But doorknobs are a dime a dozen, and besides where are you going to find a halloween mask like that one?

When we could turn up at every Con porkathon in the country wearing a t-shirt like this one.

And a mask like this one.

And make really loud OINKING sounds.

Golly. Do you think the media would pay attention? Do you think it would keep the scandal alive? Do you think Canadians would get the message?

I bet they would. I mean it's not as if the concept is original...

You know I hope I never see Stephen Harper again, because it really was SCARY. But I have to thank Great Porker Leader for giving me a wicked idea for my halloween costume.

Heh heh heh. Today these Cons are oinking and grunting and squirting. But if we oink even louder than them.

Soon they'll be SQUEALING....

Editorial Cartoon: Patrick Corrigan/Toronto Star


Jason said...

Yes! I love it! I think I'll be a Con Pig for Hallo's Eve as well. I could tell students I'm one of the 3 little pigs and tell collegues I'm Harper. Thanks for the idea!

Jennifer Smith said...

OMG, I *love* it!! I have GOT to find me one of those masks now.

Oemissions said...

RossK said...


You sure The Twig wasn't back there too?

(doing Goddess only knows what)



'berto said...

Damn, Simon... you're giving pigs a bad name -- what did they ever do to you, that they get compared to dung beetles like Harper & Co....?

Anonymous said...


phew, that must have been one scary moment...i's sue for emotional trauma :D

Simon said...

hey Jason...I'm glad you like the idea. I was looking for a Stephen Harper mask, but oink oink I like this one better... :)

Simon said...

hi Jennifer...this could be a very piggy halloween.If the Ukrainians can have their orange protest scarves, and the Iranians can have their green, we can have our pink porkers. :)
Unfortunately we're too passive to take something like that out into the hustings. Which is a pity really because I think it could brand the Tories like they're trying to do with OUR money...

Simon said...

Hi Oemissions...thanks for that. Nice pig sounds. But I beat you to it. I've been collecting pig images and grunts all over the net for my next video... :)

Simon said...

hi I would have recognized Bush immediately. My family has a home in Kennebunkport, about two blocks away from the Bush compound and he waves to us all the time.Ugh. :(
Besides he was in Montreal, this happened in Toronto, and this country has never seen a motorcade like the one Harper has. When I say it's SCARY I mean it...

Simon said...

hi ' know you're right. I'm a huge animal lover and I think pigs are cute and intelligent animals. But it's their fate in life to grub around, and besides I'm talking about the pigs from Animal Farm. One of these days Jason Kenney is going to start walking on his hind legs and scare the bejesus out of us... :)

Simon said...

hi Scout...yes I would sue but God knows what his operatives would do to me. And there was a consolation.
One of the other pedestrians turned to me and said "I guess he isn't very popular here."
And I said "Nope.I don't think he feels our love." And we both had a
good laugh... :)