I've tried to describe how Andrew Scheer must be feeling these days, but words and pictures seem so inadequate.
How can I possibly convey the depth of his despair, or his growing panic?
Especially now that John Ivison has revealed that some of Scheer's Cons are already sharpening their knives, and that he'll be on their cannibal menu very quickly if he fails to defeat Justin Trudeau.
But I think I've finally found a way to quantify that despair.
This is how desperate he is.
Kevin O'Leary is said to be leading the Con leadership race by a comfortable margin. Even though he won't commit to remaining Con leader, unless Canadians give him a majority.
This is balls to the wall. I can’t do what I need to do in this country without a majority mandate. I can’t cast out the virus of Trudeau without a majority mandate. … You have to go into the mandate with people understanding what you’re going to do.”
As he told the Hill Times the other day, he doesn't have the time to even THINK about failing.
“I don’t have contingency plans on failure. That doesn’t work. That’s not how I run my business. I set a goal; I achieve it, the majority of the time. That’s why I’m successful. I don’t waste my energy planning on failure.”
Or it seems the time to attend Con leadership debates.
Yesterday was the deadline for the Con leadership candidates to sign up new members.
And as you can imagine, as the clock ran out on them, it was not a pretty sight.
The stench of desperation hung heavy in the air, and the squealing was deafening.
But at least they did manage to provide even more proof that the Cons should now be known as Canada's Bigot Party.
I almost felt sorry for Rona Ambrose yesterday, as she tried to say something intelligent about the Liberal's new budget.
Only to fail miserably.
And end up looking, once again, like the village idiot.
Claiming that Liberal spending was out of control, and that it was a "nightmare scenario."
In one of my last posts I wrote that the Con leadership race was starting to look like a crime story.
And I suggested that it might be time to call in the police.
Or at the very least the Keystone Cops.
Because that grubby leadership race is becoming more and more farcical.
The other day I warned that the Con leadership race was becoming more desperate and more porky by the day.
With so many mediocre candidates, and no new ideas.
And now to make matters even worse, the suffocating stench of scandal.
With Kevin O'Leary aka Mr Wonderful, claiming he was robbed.
It's a horrible sight, it sounds bestial. Oinky, oinky, honky honk!!!!
And it smells even worse.
But who can be surprised?
As the never ending Con leadership race heads towards the final stretch, the stench of porky is in the air.
And the most disgusting leadership campaign in modern Canadian history is in danger of gassing itself.
It was such a boring show I had to remember to keep breathing. And needless to say I couldn't watch it for more than a few minutes. No sane person could.
Although it seems it did have its farcical moments.
For there were thirteen of the fourteen Con clown leadership candidates yesterday, trying to compress The Thoughts of Chairman Harper into sixty second sound bites.
And basically agreeing to agree. *Yawn.*
While Kevin O'Leary, the candidate who wasn't there, ran away with the headlines for all the wrong reasons.
Tonight the Con leadership candidates, all fourteen of them, will converge on the Roger's Centre in Edmonton for the last debate of their long and dismal campaign.
And already things are going horribly wrong.
In fact, to borrow a line from the Lion in Winter, if pigs could fly there would be pork in the trees.
Because for starters, Mr Marvellous won't be there.
I must admit I was amused to see Kevin O'Leary claim that he could get most of the millennials in Canada to support him.
And make him the country's next prime minister.
When every millennial I know thinks he's just another Con clown, who should be flushed like all the others.
O'Leary's last chance to impress them came and went about forty years ago.
As you know the Con leadership circus has not one but two second third-rate Donald Trump impersonators.
But I'm sorry to report that after this week's ghastly show, both Kevin O'Leary and Kellie Leitch have been demoted.
And will now march in with the clowns.
It's still his party. He created it in his own image. Those who survived the Great Humiliation are still trying to keep his monstrous legacy alive.
But Stephen Harper these days is a shrunken version of the monstrous leader he once was, and has said nothing about the Con leadership race, even as it descends into farce.
Until yesterday that is, when his faithful fluffer John Ibbitson decided to ask his readers what Harper would think of the race, and its ghastly candidates.
Well now it's official. Kevin O'Leary has finally announced that he does indeed want to be the leader, or the new King of the Harper Party.
He claims ordinary rubes Canadians are excited and grateful that he's going to save them from the Liberals.
And he wants Justin Trudeau to know that he is going to be his worst nightmare.
The headline in today's Journal de Montréal just about says it all. Yesterday's Con leadership debate was a "hard evening for the French language."
So badly did some Con candidates mangle their French, that even the translators couldn't understand them.
And no serious person could call it anything but a farce.
But at least the gloves finally came off.
As we all know the Con leadership race badly needs any publicity it can get. Because not only has it been a porky show, it's also been incredibly boring.
And if pigs could fly there would be pork in the trees.
But now at last that ghastly show could become the mud wrestling match, I've been hoping for since it began. Or at least a third rate comedy show.
Now that Lisa Raitt has come thundering out of the pen honking wildly.
Ever since Kevin O'Leary's infamous "Summit Meeting" with Tony Clement, I've been sure that O'Leary would end up running for Con leader.
He knows a third-rate Shark Tank when he sees one.
And after sizing up Clement over a bottle of wine, he probably came to the conclusion that he could easily beat him and any of these other Con losers...
As announced, today is the day Tony Clement, the King of Muskoka aka Gaz Boy or Gas Bag, will make what he calls an "important announcement."
When he will solemnly declare that he too wants to be the new leader of the Harper Party.
And while the poor scribblers in the MSM draw straws to see who gets the deathly assignment of covering that Con clown's "important announcement."
And who will be forced to stifle their yawns, and try not to die laughing.
I'm happy to report that Clement's doomed leadership bid just got even more hilarious.
As you know Jason Kenney is preparing to launch his campaign to try to become the new leader of the Cons.
And he is taking a page out of his beloved Benjamin Netanyahu's play book. By trying to scare us into believing that Justin Trudeau's new budget is a deficit BOMB.
And that only he, a REAL economist, and a crazed religious fanatic, can save us, or as he trumpets "Protect Canada's Future."
But then I suppose he has no choice, because the leadership rival he fears the most, the Con clown Kevin O'Leary, is also trying to scare people into voting for HIM !!!
Well as you know Donald Trump is edging ever closer to the Republican nomination.
So it is at least theoretically possible that he could be the next President.
And since as you also know, Kevin O'Leary is thinking of running for leader of the Harper party.
And he would be our Trump.
There is at least one chance in million that he too could end up as our Canadian American Fuhrer.
I've been trying to ignore the so-called Con Woodstock at the Manning Centre this weekend.
Because life is too short.
And there are no signs of (intelligent) life there...
But maybe the deathly gloom is contagious, for I have to admit I've been feeling a little down myself.
So I'm glad to see that I can always count on the Con clown Kevin O'Leary to cheer me up.
