Saturday, June 15, 2013

Stephen Harper and the Fatal Grip of the Duffinator

I'm sure historians will not fail to note that they were a REALLY odd couple.

The jolly former journalist and the cold sinister leader of the Con mob.

As they struggle to understand what brought them together with such fateful consequences.

I used to think it was because the mob leader admired the sneaky way the journalist knifed Stephane Dion in the back just a few days before the 2008 election. Because that's the kind of thing that really turns his crank eh?

But now I realize it wasn't twisted love, it was strictly BUSINESS.

Old Duff wanted to be rich and famous, and a Minister, and Stephen Harper needed the The Duffinator. 

Following the trail of newspaper clippings and Senate debate transcripts Duffy left in his wake, a portrait emerges of a senator who might not have established himself as a giant of the red chamber, but who proved himself to be a committed partisan of the Conservative cause on the ground, in small-town banquet halls and fundraising events.

Because for the small town Cons of this country he was bigger than Elvis.

“We are so excited to have Sen. Duffy coming out to attend our fundraiser,” gushed the Langley riding association president in March 2009. “Who would have thought the ‘Duffinator’ and host of Mike Duffy Live would ever be in Langley? This is the can’t-miss political event in Langley this year.”

And for Stephen Harper and the sinister thugs in the PMO he was a humungous cash machine, and a whale of a campaigner.

In 2009 and 2010, he assisted the by-election campaigns of Scott Armstrong and Julian Fantino and, in the 2011 election, he campaigned for 11 Conservative candidates in Ontario, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and the Northwest Territories, according to the Ottawa Citizen.

Which explains why the PMO boys were so desperate to protect him, and why they cut him a juicy cheque, to keep him from squealing.

But what I'll never understand, and I'm pretty sure historians won't either, is why did so many Canadians fall for Duffy? Why was he bigger than Elvis? When he was never a great journalist.

And why did Stephen Harper think that grubby little man with an absurdly super-sized ego was such a great appointment? Didn't he see the danger?

For surely if he had watched this Rick Mercer video made in 2007 when Duffy was still a  "journalist."

He could have seen trouble coming down the track towards him like an express train...

But luckily for us Stephen Harper probably didn't see that video. It's hard to watch the CBC when you want to kill it eh?

So now it's even more HILARIOUS !!!!

And I'm pretty sure I know how historians will sum up the end of the Con Regime:

He bound himself to the cash machine.

Or the whale of a campaigner.

It was a hell of a ride, until it all went wrong.

And they both went down together...

You know, Moby Duff may not be as classy as Moby Dick. But it's still a great Canadian fish story eh?

The whale who became a legend in his own mind. The crazed leader who went for it hook, line, and SINKER. The stench that followed the Con regime all the way to the next election. The fatal grip of the Duffinator. First it cost him a leg, then it cost him his job. 

Golly. If I'm on the lake this weekend remind me to climb up the mast and shout "Thank you Mikey thank you !!!!"

Or thar she BLOWS !!!"

Or dive head first into the icy cold water screaming "But...but...but...can I STILL be a Minister???"

Or maybe just sit there and shout "Give me freedom !!!! Give me National Stop Harper Day !!!!  

I need it.

Have a great weekend everybody...

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Omar said...

Sing and be free, Duffster! Sing and be free.

Simon said...

hi Omar...I can't shake the feeling that the Duffy deal went down something like this:

DUFFY--- Well Prime Minister if I have to pay all that money back I'm afraid I'm just going to have to write a book about politics in Ottawa, and the inner workings of our beloved Conservative Party.


NIGEL---- That won't be necessary Mike, I just happen to have $90,000 on me...

Because from what I hear, the kind of stories Duffy collects could make Ottawa look Sodom on the Rideau. Go Mikey go. Sing please SING.... ;)