Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Andrew Scheer and the Twelve Gays of Christmas

I wasn't planning to write about politics today. It's Christmas Eve, I've totally surrendered to the spirit of the season.

And with all the goodies that arrived from Scotland in the last few days, including TWO Christmas puddings (after my Mum thought the first one had got lost in the mail) my buddy and I have enough food in the house to feed ourselves, our friends, and the whole neighbourhood.

But despite that, and the big blue box under the tree with my name on it, I still can't help thinking about how different things would be if the Cons had won the election.

For it would truly have been the nightmare before Christmas.

Andrew Scheer would have already ritualistically slaughtered the carbon tax and ended Canada's war on climate change.

Nobody, not even Santa would be allowed to go green.

The baby Jesus in many nativity scenes would have to be replaced with a barrel of tarry oil.

The Beaverton

Our medicare system would be next, ready to be mutilated and privatized beyond recognition. Seniors would have to make do with half the pensions they once received.

Women would be on their way to losing the right to control their own bodies, as the anti-abortion fanatics in Parliament howled like hyenas and demanded they be jailed.

And of course for LGBT Canadians it would have been a nightmare without end, as Andrew Scheer was finally free to let them know how much he hated them.

And pleasure the one out of four of his ugly Cons who want more be done to "discourage" them.

Discourage them from being who they are, because that's how ignorant and brutish those Cons are.

Even though LGBT children are still being bullied to death in our schools, and make up about thirty per cent of the homeless kids in our streets...

But luckily, as we all know, the Cons didn't win.

And the Ugly American's virulent homophobia had a lot to do with why he lost to a real Canadian leader...

So I can only imagine how he must feel now...

And it's the reason that although I run the following video every year, to celebrate the spirit of the season, and the spirit of the LGBT community in the face of bigotry and discrimination.

This year I'm dedicating this cheery Christmas performance by some of my brothers to the bigot Scheer...

In the hope that him and his bestial un-Canadian Cons, will finally understand that the more they oppress gay people, the stronger they become.

I'll be back tomorrow with my traditional Christmas day message, which is really an excuse to play some of my favourite Christmas songs, and reach out to the those who are too sick, or too alone, or too lonely to join in the festivities.

But in the meantime let's cherish this thought.

No matter how good or how bad your holiday might be.

Hallelujah, hallelujah, the Con's Christmas is sure to be more miserable...


Steve said...

Medical conditons should not be an issue we should not be even talking about self idenity, it is what is is. The Charter of Rights is clear, case closed.

What we should all fear is a transgender conservative.

Jackie Blue said...

Happy Holidays Simon! I'm not a religious person either, but I'm eternally grateful that Justin Trudeau survived this election in spite of all the garbage and backstabbing being flung at him. That's good news for Canada and for democracy and hope. I hope he has a happy birthday and a restful vacation, and may actually say a prayer at Midnight Mass for him to win the next one. 🕯 Until then, we'll fuddle-duddle through somehow, eh? 🎄 🍁

In the meanwhile, Brian Lilley can go on crying and dreaming of sugar plums in Costa Rica as he gazes longingly at the Justin poster in his room. What a bunch of sad, repressed humbugs these Cons all are! 😂

the salamander said...

.. Merry Christmas Simon.. !
And BTW .. you may find the recent article on political parties by George Monbiot intriguing.. 'Political Rewilding' .. He really nails the state of politics these days.. especially North America.. and what is required to achieve escape velocity from them and our archaic Parliament.. as Canadians certainly must

Anonymous said...

That picture of chicken Scheer is hilarious, and says everything about the state of the Cons. I'm starting to wonder whether the party will survive this leadership contest. It's such a mess no serious person will want to run for the job.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you wrote a Christmassy, political blog today, Simon. We have SO much to be thankful for as you describe and imagining Scheer as our PM is the nightmare before Christmas that would have been but...is not. As Andy ponders his future of never becoming PM, I'd like to share a slightly altered Christmas poem I made especially for him. Merry Christmas everyone!

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through Stornoway,
not a creature was stirring, except one that betrayed.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of moving vans danced in their heads.

With Momma in her kerchief and Andy in his nighty,
They jumped into bed and prayed to the almighty.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Andy crawled out of bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he trudged like a snail,
Couldn't open the shutters, yet another fail.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of Steve's ass, after all, Andy would know.

When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a black SUV, and seven Con reigndeer,
With a little old driver, he couldn't believe,
He knew in a moment it must be Saint Steve.
More rapid than eagles his judgers they came,
Steve whistled, and cackled, and called them by name;

"Now, Rona! now, Lisa! now, Michelle and Candace!
On, Dougy! on Pierre! on Jason!" God help us!!!!!
To the top of the porch! To the top most by far!
They caught thieving Andy, with his hand in the jar.

He wailed as they grabbed him but for not did it matter,
His dream as PM layed to waste and in tatters.
His cries and his moans, his squirming and bent,
His eyes opened up that he'd have to pay rent.

Steve sprang to his truck, to his team gave a shout,
And away they all left, amid Andy's sad pout.
But Steve did exclaim, as they drove with a sigh,
Merry Christmas to all! And to Andy, goodbye!

Anonymous said...

Enjoy the holidays Simon and thanks for your tireless effort in exposing the ReformaCon charade for what it really is. Rest up because I suspect the toxic brew of money worship and reformer religion are not going to disappear any time soon.


Anonymous said...

I am stunned by that abacus poll. I knew that many Cons were bigots, but I had no idea they were so backward. There is a lot of talk about the Cons renewing themselves, but with one out of four of their members so ignorant and so bigoted I don't see that ever happening. The rot that began with Harper has now infected the whole body.

rumleyfips said...

Merry Christmas to all.

Thanks Simon , thanks to the commentators and thanks to all who read Simon's work.

sassy said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours Simon, so nice to see you still blogging. (fighting the good fight)
With sincere wishes for all the VERY best in 2020.

Hugs across the signals :)

Simon said...

HI Jackie....Thank you and Happy Holidays to you too!! We have a lot to be thankful for this holiday season. The Cons are in such a pitiful state we can afford to relax a bit. After the year we just went through I'm ready....😎

Simon said...

Hi salamander....Thank you and Merry Christmas. I read Monbiot's essay and although I thought he was right to say we can't keep doing the same old same old, he wasn't clear enough on what to do. I get the mass participation, but what I think we also need is really tough leaders that can take on the populist strongmen mano a mano, or fight fire with fire. But
this is Canada so I need to think about all of this, because the implications are enormous...

Simon said...

Hi anon....I'm glad you I'm glad you liked my chicken Scheer. I have several versions of chicken Scheer but I thought it was time for the cooked version. 😉

Simon said...

Hi JD....Thank you for that, it was truly great, and from the moment you wrote "while visions of moving vans danced in their heads" I was laughing my you know what off. I'm so lucky to have commenters like you and some of the others. You make everything so much more interesting and better, and so much more fun. Thanks again and Merry Christmas !!

Simon said...

Hi RT.....Thanks and you get a good rest too. You had many good comments this year that eviscerated the Con quacks, and showed them up for what they are. I made up my mind years ago to portray the Cons as fascist clowns, and have they ever lived up to my billing. But of course so much will depend on their new leader. After Harper and Scheer if they don't choose a real winner they'll be in potentially lethal trouble...

Simon said...

Hi anon...yes, it's depressing that at this point in the 21st Century those Con apes should believe that being gay is a choice that can be "discouraged." Depressing and infuriating. But as you point out, if the Cons can't renew themselves they're doomed.The New Canada will blow them away...

Simon said...

Hi rumleyfips....Thank you, and Merry Christmas to you and yours. And thank you for contributing so many good comments. We went through quite a year, but we did leave a daily record that will help people in the future understand how we almost lost our country. That's not nothing...

Simon said...

Hi Sassy....Thank you and Merry Christmas to you!!! It's good to hear from you. Yes, I am still blogging .I still enjoy writing, and mocking the ghastly Cons, even though the blogosphere is a smaller gloomier place than it once was. When I have time I also enjoy Twitter. It's quite entertaining, and so much easier than blogging.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Simon. That means a great deal coming from you. Your little blog came along at just the right time for me, offering a safe space to throw in my two cents and sometimes more. Your laughter inducing depictions of the Cons or whomever is deserving of scorn at the time, and doing it with factual backing is the fuel that inspires me to add to it and hopefully make someone laugh at the same time. When you let the odd(literally) Con in to vent their amygdalas from time to time, it's a stark reminder that there's much work to do to heal the great divide and having fun while doing that makes the slog so much easier. A rather brilliant premise when you think about it and deserving of my eternal gratitude. :)