Monday, August 15, 2011

The Case of Tony Clement and the Muskoka Millions

Golly Sherlock. I see the strange case of Tony Clement and the Muskoka Millions has taken another sensational and porky turn.

Inspector Angus may finally have solved the baffling mystery of how Tony-o, Boss Harper's favourite hitman, managed to spend soooooo much of OUR money, in such a short time, in his OWN riding.

The NDP accused Treasury Board President Tony Clement Monday of using the G8 legacy project cash as an "elaborate slush fund" and deliberately trying to avoid scrutiny from the auditor general.

Oh. My. Gazebo. Can you believe that? He whacked the census. Because he said one complaint was too many. He's been trying to kill the needle clinic in Vancouver for years. Even though it saves lives. Now he's accused of trying to buy an election, by squirting tax dollars all over his riding, like a farmer spreads manure, or Tony Soprano divides the moolah. 

Even as he prepares to slash government to the bleeding bone with a tiny humming chainsaw...

Gosh Sherlock. I'm impressed. What a villain. Do you think I can now call him the Moriarty of the Muskokas? And look forward to the public inquiry?

Don't be absurd Simon. You feral fool. The real Moriarty would be laughing his arse off because he knows Tony-o is going to get away with it.

Can't you colonials understand ANYTHING ??? Your Cons bought themselves a majority. The Auditor General's office can't smell the pig excrement, because fear of Boss Harper has clogged their nostrils. Most of your fellow Canucks don't care because they're too defeated, too divided, too lazy, or too dumb. So resistance is FUTILE !!!!!!!!!! Now pass the smack because I need some badly.

Gee Sherly...I'm sorry you feel that way. But surely things are not as bad as that? At least Tony-o is not tweeting tonight.

Yes Simon...but he will....he WILL. The horror. The horror.

Oh goody. Because when I saw this bizarre request:

I tweeted back: Sorry Tony no can do. But how about a juicy slab of pork from the Gazebo BBQ ? Now admit it Sherly. Wasn't that EXCELLENT ?

Simon...I'm warning you...I may have to jab you in the eye with this syringe if you don't shut-up. Or beat you over the head with this bottle of brandy. After I polish it off.

But before I leave this accursed country, and head back to sane old Britain, and good old Watson, please try to remember what once I told you:

A Con is a Con is a Con.

They bribe you with one hand.

And strangle you with the other...

Of course, after Sherly returned to Britain, on a stretcher, and in a straitjacket, I said to hell with that. I'm not biting off my hand eh?

Why don't we just organize, unite, and prepare to stand-up to those porky Cons?

Before they rob us blind. Before they steal our country.

Before they corrupt us further...


Oemissions said...

yer gonna get deleted
but kept on file
yer a marked man Simon
yer a RIOT!

Anonymous said...

Yeah - they bribe you with one hand and strangle you with the other...goodness!
Thank you for the video - beautiful movie making.

Simon said...

hi Oemissions...oh please don't say that. Since I live in Harper's Canada I believe paranoia is a higher state of consciousness. And if you add to that my over active imagination, you can understand why I never leave my house without a change of underwear, and my toothbrush in my pocket... ;)

Simon said...

hi anonymous...I probably should have said rob you rather than strangle you, but you get the idea...
And yes the video was a good one. I'm always being accused by my friends of running trashy videos, and they're right. But every now and then I surprise them... ;)