Tuesday, February 12, 2008

How to Become a Popular Blogger...Without Killing Yourself

Ever since the Canadian Blog Awards I've been looking for a way to become a more popular blogger.

I mean after that devastating blow to my enormous ego ......I finished so low in the rankings they had to send down a guy on a rope to look for me...... I had to do SOMETHING.

Or KILL myself.

But now I think I've found a way to do that.... and STILL be successful. A formula for INSTANT blogging glory !!!!

Even though it's a bit like Cinderella's carriage.

When the clock strikes 90 days .... your blog turns into a pumpkin....and so do YOU

I am going to kill myself in 90 days. What else should i say? This blog is not a cry for help or even to get attention. It’s simply a public record of my last 90 days in existence. I’m not depressed and nothing extremely horrible has lead me to this decision. But, does it really have to? I mean, as an atheist I feel life has no greater purpose. My generation has had no great depression, no great war and our biggest obstacle is beating Halo 3. So, if I feel like saying “game over”, why can’t I? Anyway, I hope you enjoy my thoughts as the clock runs out.

Wow. BRILLIANT. She got six-hundred comments after only eight posts. Why couldn't I have thought of that one?

And all this time I've been worrying myself stupid thinking that if I wanted to be a Canadian Blogging Superstar.... I'd have to turn straight.

Or learn how to knit. Clickety click. Clickety click

All the way to the top. Like the Woolly Harlot.

But now what I NEED to know is...... has 83-day Jane's secret identity been revealed?

And is THIS her theme song?

Because if it is.... and I can't use it.... *sigh*

Maybe I WON'T kill myself after all.

And since I don't think I can turn straight. Unless I HYP-NO-TIZE myself.

Maybe I'll just remember I live in chilly woolly and oh so boring Canada.

Clackety clack. Cluckety cluck.

Give up blogging.

And take up KNITTING instead...



Jane decides to kill her blog instead of herself.

Or in her own words.

90DayJane is a personal art piece about me. It was meant for me and (what I ignorantly thought would be) a small number of people who might find it on BlogSpot. It is the result of me tapping into the darkest part of myself and seeing where it led.

My closeness to this project must have made art seem like reality to many people. That is not a reaction that I expected nor can I morally justify. This is why my project, 90DayJane, will be taken down in the next few days.

Damn it. I mean GREAT. Coming soon... MY version... 120-Day Simon. (I want to make sure I make it to summer)

Where after a glorious blogging run... and the fame I so richly deserve.

I kill myself with a knitting needle.

Vive le Canada!!!

Long live the Woolly Harlot !!!!


Anonymous said...

Hrm, didn't think you were one looking for popularity, monsieur égoïste!

but i agree with tht 90 day person man,; what's the damn point, really?

Simon said...

Hi Rashid!!! Monsieur égoïste???? :) heh heh heh that's a good one. But actually I was just joking. It doesn't matter how many people read...it's what you say that counts. When they look back in time they'll see that I was out there fighting for our rights and that's good enough. What I found hilarious was that in a blogosphere polarized by angry debate the best blog turned out to be one about knitting. Not that I want to put Yarn Harlot down. It's a well written and attractive blog. And she's obviously passionate about what she does...and we need passion in this country badly.
As for what's the damn point....please Rashid don't get me going. She was just pulling a blogging stunt. The damn point is that young gay people like yourself enjoy life to the fullest...OK :)