Is This the End of the Free Internet?

Or the beginning of the end? Maybe. If Rupert Murdoch gets his way.

Rupert ­Murdoch expects to start charging for access to News Corporation's newspaper websites within a year as he strives to fix a ­"malfunctioning" business model.

"The current days of the internet will soon be over."

But only if his competitors do the same, and form some kind of news cartel.

Web users are naturally sceptical.

"As long as there is internet, there will be free content. And as long as there is free content, sites trying to grow on a paid-content business model are not going to survive. It is as simple as that,"

"Newspaper industry should just die and journalism should be democratized. We have blogs, forums, news aggregators... why should I pay for content that someone else can write just as well if not better than the biased reporter/editors at some giant media conglomerate?"

But others not so much.

"I would gladly pay for the service that reporters provide to me! I know it costs money to investigate and report the news and I don't want the news to be controlled by advertisers."

"Pay for news? We have to, unless we want to get our news from a bunch of people who think because they have a blog they are a journalist."

And what's the alternative?

"We have to look to a future of smaller journalistic staff and greater user participation..."

And is that what we want? More information than ever before, and fewer journalists to make sense of it?

Is that really all she wrote?

Maybe it’s because I’m staying at the Sunset Tower on Sunset Boulevard, but I keep thinking of newspapers as Norma Desmond.

Papers are still big. It’s the screens that got small.

As a disgusted Desmond asks from behind dark glasses: “And who have they got now? Some nobodies — a lot of pale little frogs croaking pish-posh.”

Oh boy. I'm not sure about the future of online news...and the internet as we know it.

But one way or the other we are going to pay for it....

Why Blogging Won't Make You Rich

Uh oh. Bad news everyone. When we all lose our jobs thanks to Stephen Harper's incompetent Con government, selling chestnuts in the street might help pay the bills..... but blogging definitely won't.

For two years I was obsessed with trying to turn a blog into a business. I posted 10 or 20 items a day to my site, The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs, rarely taking a break.

I walked away feeling burned out and weighing 20 pounds more than when I started. I also came away with a sneaking suspicion that while blogs can do many wonderful things, generating huge amounts of money isn't one of them.

Oh well I guess it could be worse.

Or could it? TWENTY pounds? I'd have to use Mike Duffy's face as my avatar and wouldn't that be awful?

But wait it DOES get EVEN WORSE.

OK so let's do the math. Blogging won't stop you from being homeless, it can kill you or make you really fat. And if you lose your job it can wreck your chances of ever getting another one....after subjecting you to the most embarrassing job interview EVAH.

Mr Simon did you write THAT? Um...er...yessirree Mr Boss Man. But I must have been DRUNK.

But of course it REALLY REALLY could be worse. You could be on Twitter and Facebook as well. So you can let the world know when you're going to have a shit. Or find out that Ken has flat feet that sound like suction cups when he walks. And what Sarah thinks about nutmeg.

Because the only thing worse than that would be to have my mother walk in on me when I was playing video games.

With a Joydick....



But wait...isn't that how the Blogging Tories blog?

You know people sometimes I can't help wondering whether blogging is all it's cracked up to be.

Or whether we're all dead already. The cellphones HAVE eaten our brains.

And we just don't know it...

----------------------------------------------

h/t boingboing

Me and the Pope's YouTube Channel

Well I suppose it was inevitable. If Stephen Harper, Vladimir Putin, and the fat lady who fell off the exercise bicycle can have a YouTube channel....so can Pope Benny.

And I for one am delighted. Now I can monitor his periodic outbursts of self loathing homophobia without having to watch the news. Or call some old queen at the Vatican.

Although I must say I'm VERY impressed by his decision to join Google....and support their inspiring campaign for gay marriage.

Who knew eh? Good for him. I guess it's NEVER too late to change your mind....or come out of the closet.

But you know after checking out El Popo's site I'm afraid it needs a little work.

Because sadly he'll never attract any young viewers with that kind of boring shite.

So how about spicing it up a bit....with say a video of Madonna singing Like a Virgin .....dressed in nun's drag? Or the miraculous...and delicious...story of Jesus in a burrito?

Or maybe a scary clip of Benny playing the Grand Inquisitor he once was.

You know.. covering up those nasty scandals and ....um.....excommunicating.... sinners.




















The horrible kids of today just LOVE that gory stuff.

Or even better...how about humanizing the Pope a bit?

So the young ones he says he wants to reach can relate to him....and know EXACTLY where he's coming from.

By taking us back to the halcyon days of his own youth...



Yup. That would work. The uniform is different. But the message is more or less the same. Tomorrow belongs to us...unless you're a feminist, or an atheist, or gay.

Hmmmm....the best thing about this channel? It has COMMENTS.

Hi Benny it's Simon. I know you haven't heard from me before. And I sure hope you don't have a jealous boyfriend.

Because three Ave Marias for YouTube. From now on you ridiculous old homophobe.

You're going to hear from me a LOT....

------------------------------------------------

And you thought I was kidding.

Old habits die hard....

The Day YouTube Muted my Video

Last summer Sébastien and I made a little video of the gay pride parade and posted it to YouTube. Because the camera sound wasn't very good we edited the pictures to the sounds of We Are Family by Sister Sledge.

It's not Oscar material I admit, but I liked it. So imagine my shock today when I got an e-mail from YouTube informing me that along with millions of others I was a victim of this dispute.

And that our video had been muted.



Hmmm....I don't know. It's not quite the same. Now it reminds me of one of my Dad's 8mm silent movies. All it needs is me stumbling past the camera in my diapers babbling something like gah gah poo poo ca ca.

Which is how I feel about this dispute.

I appreciate that YouTube didn't take down the video. And that they offered me a list of licensed music to replace the audio track...with a click of a button. But after listening to artists like 3 Leg Torso, Ad Libitum, and Mattfatt I don't think I could ever forgive them.

And as for Warner Brothers and the other music companies maybe they should just get with it.

Perhaps, then, the solution is not to throw a cloak of silence over YouTube, but rather to try and persuade content owners that in the brave new world of web 2.0, content needs to be freed from the shackles of convention legal thinking, and allowed to evolve at the hands of the users and fans who really matter.

Duh. You don't say. Really eh?

When will they ever learn? Use it don't lose it.

Gah gah poo poo ca ca...

Why Should that Iraqi Journalist have all the Fun?

When you can throw a shoe at Chimp Bush yourself.

Or a pretzel, or a tomato, or the Bill of Rights.

It seems it's a phenomenom.

Oh goody. The Chimp must HATE it. Those flying shoes must haunt him. It must be awful to look out at the ruins of your country, see your Presidency going down in flames, and hear the whole world LAUGHING.

Muahahahaha.

As I said before..... the monster got off lightly. But history will be brutal.

Now gimme a WATERMELON !!!!!

Me and my New Friend Jules the Robot

As I told you the other day my companion Sébastien is away helping the desperately poor people of Haiti.

Instead of taking care of me and my dog Kerouac.

Isn't that SELFISH of him?

But that's OK.

Kerouac has HIS robot to take him walkies and keep him company.
















And I've got mine...



Golly. What will they think of next?

Now all I need to know is does Jules have....um...SPECIAL talents?

And can he iron a shirt?

----------------------------------------

P.S. On a more serious note.... there are a lot of ways to help the poor people of Haiti....and one way to do that is to support this group.

Microsoft and Seinfeld to Bite the Apple

I must admit I was delighted when I first heard that the Microsoft Empire had decided to strike back at Apple by recruiting Jerry Seinfeld.

For two years, Microsoft has been prodded and poked fun of in Apple's "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" ads on both sides of the Atlantic, and the company has finally snapped. In a last-ditch, and very expensive, attempt to fight humour with humour, the beleaguered software giant is paying the comic Jerry Seinfeld $10m to appear in a massive new ad campaign of its own.

Because I REALLY hate those MAC vs PC ads.

You know like this one...



OK I don't REALLY hate them. I admit they're brilliant.

But how come even though I'm cooler than the cool guy and even dress like him, I'm made to feel like the fat dork in a suit?

Just because I'm too poor to own a Mac and join the Green Apple cult. And even though I don't even own a tie. How unfair is that?

So naturally my first reaction was..... oh please please please Jerry...never mind which system is better...just make me COOL again. Yadda. Yadda. YADDA?

But then reality sank in.

Bill and Jerry? A fading comedian and a nerdy multibillionaire?

Together in a Microsoft ad?

Uh oh. What's worse than a fat dork in a suit?

Stay tuned.

I'm afraid we're going to find out....

John McCain Plays the Race Card

I see that John McCain's campaign is accusing Barack Obama of using the race card.

“Barack Obama has played the race card, and he played it from the bottom of the deck,” Mr. McCain’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, charged in a statement with which Mr. McCain later said he agreed. “It’s divisive, negative, shameful and wrong.”

Which is not only absurd, but also has to be the most cynical and hypocritical thing I've seen in a long time.

Since, like I said last night, if anyone is dealing from the bottom of the deck....THEY are...


Because this ad is nothing less than racism hiding in plain view.

Of all the famous celebrities they could have compared Obama to, why not Tom Cruise? Or Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Donald Trump, or Oprah Winfrey? Why Britney Spears and Paris Hilton? Why two white blond bimbos?

Only one reason. It's a somewhat tamer version of the white bimbo ad used so successfully against Harold Ford in Tennessee. In juxtaposing Barack Obama with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, the McCain campaign is simply trying to plant the old racist seed of black man hitting on young white woman. Not directly, but subliminally and disgracefully.

I agree. And so does this monkey.

Hint: play the ad without sound. Remember the pictures tell the story. Check out the close-ups. It's not rocket science people....or a dark conspiracy theory. It's just TELEVISION.

Race in America is a REAL factor not an imaginary one. Especially in a close race. How do you think they are going to bring back the ghost of Jeremiah Wright?

It's nighttime in Amerika and the Lizard Monster is back.

To be fair, I don't rule out the possibility that Poppy is so out of it that he actually thinks it is just about celebrity. Like subliminal has something to do with a submarine. Duh?

But his new campaign team knows EXACTLY what they're doing. They've seen the polls.Their Republican supporters have been laying the groundwork.













Just like they laid the groundwork for the next act today by accusing Obama of playing the race card, so anything he says to fight back will play into their hands. By making it look like he's just playing politics.

And reinforcing both their charge AND the hidden message.

Lordy. Somebody help us.

The Lizard Monster is loose in Amerika.

And anything could happen...

----------------------------------------------------

P.S. As if Obama didn't have enough problems. As if this wasn't Ludacris enough.

"The first black president is destined and it's meant to be," go the lyrics, calling on voters to "paint the White House black.

With idiot friends like that....

Who needs racists?

The Lukiwski Video and the YouTube Wars

If you want a good idea of the desperate shape the Liberal Party is in, all you have to to is read this post.

And watch the video...



Or as much of it as you can stomach.

I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. I'd rather concentrate on the Con enemy. But I'm afraid I have to agree with this blogger.

I found the clip dumb and offensive. As I wrote the other day, I've learned the hard and bloody way to let the faggot word slide off me...like shite off a duck's back.

But hearing it fifty times in less than a minute and a half....like it was a song or a cabaret act or a joke ....really pissed me off. And anyone who thinks that other gay people weren't hurt or disgusted should stick their dum heads up their big assholes and check out their liberal wiring.

But never mind. What also offended me .... and quite frankly scared me....was how crude and STOOPID it was. Irritating instead of persuasive.

The Lukiwski Affair SHOULD be used in the YouTube Wars to beat the Cons bloody...especially after this.

But it should be part of a more sophisticated and wider narrative. One that goes straight to the heart of the darkest fears Canadians have. The ones that are denying the Cons a majority.

Like what makes Stephen Harper such a strange and angry control freak? Who is the REAL Harper. Who are all those mysterious unelected people in the PMO Judge Gomery recently warned us about? Why are there so many theocons milling around in there?What kind of nightmare Canada are these shadowy figures planning if Stephen Harper ever gets a majority? What are they trying to HIDE ?

The irony is that one of the best YouTubes I've seen that plays on those themes....was made by the same person who made the stupid one above.

This humble little masterpiece...



Now we're talking. You can change the words... and add all kinds of other scary scenes.

But the menacing mood is EXCELLENT.

Remember when it comes to tv advertising....you're not selling a product you're selling a feeling.

In this case... what you see might make you nervous. But what you can't see might KILL you.

Or at the very least scare the living daylights out of you.

Like this classic scene....



Now think of room 237 as the monster Harper's sinister PMO.

What dark things WILL we find behind that locked door ?

Ooh SCARY.

Hey people c'mon. Why settle for a YouTube cabaret act?

When we can make a HORROR movie.....

The Watch Your #@!!&!! Mouth Challenge

I see it's time to take the Watch Your Potty Mouth on the Blogosphere challenge.

*Groan*

I know I MUST take it to try and score brownie points for our side. Like some of my blogging friends are trying so hard to do.

These days we need all the victories we can get.

But I gotta be honest. I just don't feel up to it.

Not only because I live in Stephen Harper's Con Canada .... and in a world full of people who want to kill my gay ass .... so I swear ALL the time. I find it helps me fight harder. Or run faster.

Or even because I fear that because most (English) Canadians walk around with their butt cheeks clenched so tightly, having to bite their tongues and clench their jaws grimly as well, might cause them to IMPLODE.

No..... it's just because..... I .......um......ENJOY swearing so much.

I mean I come from a country where people hurl insults like cuntybuggeryfucktoleybumshite at each other all the time. So you can't really expect me to f**k my proud heritage.... and start speaking like a nun.

Besides I don't attack right-wing bloggers personally anymore .... or link to them. I've learned the hard way that trying to civilize a Con is like trying to teach a pig to fly. All you end up with is a lot of pork in the trees.

Still that doesn't mean I don't loathe those Cons. For their racism and their sexism and their homophobia, and for the stinky cess pool they swim in.

So while trying to respect the no potty mouth spirit of the day....

I'd like to dedicate this fresh version of an old favourite to all the ReichWingnuts and their blogging succubi out there.





Now go FRICKEN yourselves.

Please?

Thanks....

Blogging in Paradise and my Internet Addiction

I'm ashamed to admit that even in paradise... where life is slow and there are so many other better things to do... not having internet access in my secret hideaway was driving me up a palm tree.

Until I finally got my twitching fingers on a computer... and was shocked to discover that my internet addiction was now a mental disorder.

An editorial in this month's issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry says Internet addiction -- including "excessive gaming, sexual pre-occupations and e-mail/text messaging" -- is a common compulsive-impulsive disorder that should be added to psychiatry's official guidebook of mental disorders.

Like other addicts, users experience cravings, urges, withdrawal and tolerance, requiring more and better equipment and software, or more and more hours online, according to Dr. Jerald Block, a psychiatrist at the Oregon Health and Science University in Portland. Dr. Block says people can lose all track of time or neglect "basic drives," like eating or sleeping. Relapse rates are high, he writes, and some people may need psychoactive medications or hospitalization.

So now I'm REALLY sorry I bothered to get back online.

Now I figure I'm in rehab...like Britney and her friends.

Just having a minor relapse.

By the pool...














But then some days are harder than others.

Like when I found out that George Bush had declared the War in Iraq a success.

And I had to leave it to Steve Bell to sum up how I feel about the dum ape, his delusions of grandeur.

And his camel shit hat...
















While I went down to my favourite beach.

Thumped and kicked an imaginary punching bag.

And let the blue green waves cool me down....














I don't know why but I find that REALLY helps me not to think about the internet....or what's happening in the news.

Although once I fell asleep on the powdery white sand and had a horrible dream that I was back in snowy Canada.

Where so many people had their heads up their asses....about everything from the state of the weather to the state of Dion.... they were starting to bump into each other.

Scooze me....scooze me... oops....sorry. Fart.

As Emperor Harper fiddled ..... and the economy went down the toilet.

Yikes. Thank goodness it was just a nightmare....or I might have to stay here forever.














Which wouldn't be TOO hard.

Because let's face it.... Canada is a pretty grim place these days. Winter drags on in Spring.The left fights itself and then wonders why the dirty Cons are in power. Hope is in short supply. Mediocrity rules. And the blogosphere is a foul partisan jungle....full of boring nerdy lezras and small dead pigs.

It's the same thing in the United States where the Democrats are tearing themselves apart....snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and drowning Obama's message of hope in a cesspool of racism.

And now the FINAL blow. If all that doesn't drive you crazy the internet will !!!!!!

Although this guy doesn't agree.

And if you read the Journal article, it does mention that 86 percent of the "internet addicted" also suffered from another mental problem.

Which in my mind makes a monkey out of the study. Even though it does help explain the Blogging Tories.

But as for me I'm not taking any chances. I'm taking rehab seriously. No more internet in paradise.

From now on just sunsets....















Ooh.... ahhhh. That's an eight-point-five !! No way that's a WINNAH!!!

Yup.Throw another lobster and a couple of steaks on the barbie Sébastien.

Soon it'll be time to head back to gloomy old Canada.

Scooze me....scooze me. Fart.

But tonight we're still in paradise....

How to Become a Popular Blogger...Without Killing Yourself

Ever since the Canadian Blog Awards I've been looking for a way to become a more popular blogger.

I mean after that devastating blow to my enormous ego ......I finished so low in the rankings they had to send down a guy on a rope to look for me...... I had to do SOMETHING.

Or KILL myself.

But now I think I've found a way to do that.... and STILL be successful. A formula for INSTANT blogging glory !!!!

Even though it's a bit like Cinderella's carriage.

When the clock strikes 90 days .... your blog turns into a pumpkin....and so do YOU

I am going to kill myself in 90 days. What else should i say? This blog is not a cry for help or even to get attention. It’s simply a public record of my last 90 days in existence. I’m not depressed and nothing extremely horrible has lead me to this decision. But, does it really have to? I mean, as an atheist I feel life has no greater purpose. My generation has had no great depression, no great war and our biggest obstacle is beating Halo 3. So, if I feel like saying “game over”, why can’t I? Anyway, I hope you enjoy my thoughts as the clock runs out.

Wow. BRILLIANT. She got six-hundred comments after only eight posts. Why couldn't I have thought of that one?

And all this time I've been worrying myself stupid thinking that if I wanted to be a Canadian Blogging Superstar.... I'd have to turn straight.

Or learn how to knit. Clickety click. Clickety click

All the way to the top. Like the Woolly Harlot.

But now what I NEED to know is...... has 83-day Jane's secret identity been revealed?

And is THIS her theme song?



Because if it is.... and I can't use it.... *sigh*

Maybe I WON'T kill myself after all.

And since I don't think I can turn straight. Unless I HYP-NO-TIZE myself.

Maybe I'll just remember I live in chilly woolly and oh so boring Canada.

Clackety clack. Cluckety cluck.

Give up blogging.

And take up KNITTING instead...

---------------------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE.... UPDATE..... UPDATE

Jane decides to kill her blog instead of herself.

Or in her own words.

90DayJane is a personal art piece about me. It was meant for me and (what I ignorantly thought would be) a small number of people who might find it on BlogSpot. It is the result of me tapping into the darkest part of myself and seeing where it led.

My closeness to this project must have made art seem like reality to many people. That is not a reaction that I expected nor can I morally justify. This is why my project, 90DayJane, will be taken down in the next few days.

Damn it. I mean GREAT. Coming soon... MY version... 120-Day Simon. (I want to make sure I make it to summer)

Where after a glorious blogging run... and the fame I so richly deserve.

I kill myself with a knitting needle.

Vive le Canada!!!

Long live the Woolly Harlot !!!!

Internet Brownouts and the Lesbionic Woman

Up until now I've always assumed that the internet would just get faster and faster. And that if blogging is all about words today...one day it would be ALL about videos.

But now I'm not so sure.

"Overall, transmitting over a saturated broadband link will feel a lot like the bad old days of dial-up: Long pauses between request and response, with some applications just too painful to bother with."

The biggest problem for the internet itself is that it could strangle competition and innovation.

"The next Google, YouTube, or Amazon might not arise, not because of a lack of demand, but due to an inability to fulfil that demand," the report said.

The biggest problem for users? Many could be squeezed out along with smaller companies.

And as internet service providers move to ration bandwith ... the issue of net neutrality will become even more critical.

The carriers say they would never discriminate based on content. But, they are starting. And, more to the point, they have also consistently denied that they throttle bandwidth and target peer-to-peer sharing. We now know they do. We have the smoking gun. So, when it comes to net neutrality, they're not to be trusted. And, they've only just started.

And what would a slower internet mean for the WAY people blog?

Will bloggers be forced to cutdown on pictures and videos? Will aggregators force them to do that. Will people read blogs that take a long time to load?

Will we be forced to go back to just.....words? What a bore.

And what will I do with my time? According to the study three quarters of American internet users spend about two and a half hours a month watching videos. But I spend much more time than that...and so do all my friends.

From music videos....to the real war in Iraq and Afghanistan....to Paris Hilton's latest fuck fest and the guy who fired a rocket out of his ass while riding upside down on a bicycle...I depend on viral videos to know what's REALLY going on out there

And communicate with my fellow monkeys.

I just don't know WHAT I would do if I couldn't share viral videos like this one...



OK....so I'm dum....

But smart enough to know that even if they do come up with all those billions they need to fix the internet traffic jam.

The one THEY should have fixed long ago.

WE are going to pay for it.

One way or the other....

Sexy E-Mail, Fake Coke Machines, and the Naked Twink

I have to admit I'm a technology freak. I have practically every neat gadget ever invented . Except an iPhone, a 60-inch HD TV to watch Stephen Harper and other filthy porn on. And a robot big enough to walk my dog...and serve me breakfast in bed.

So when I heard about this new 3D program that can turn a boring e-mail into a sexy desert island ... or a mighty Boeing 747....I was naturally intrigued...


Hmmm. Tempting but nah. I mean I LOVE the idea of seeing my spam eaten by sharks. But...um...where are all the gay guys?

I suppose I could always choose the jumbo jet version.

But really. I think I need that kind of technology like I need this nifty fake coke machine... to hide from a criminal...










Of course it could only work in Japan. Where the crime rate is really low.

If you tried that here you'd get a screwdriver or a knife in your groin...when the dum criminal tried to rob da machine.

No. If I want a cheap thrill I'm going for these super headphones...AND the dancing twink...



Now we're talking. Look Ma no wires!! Um.....no ANYTHING.

But of course....they only show ads like that one.

And of course this one...



In Europe.

Isn't THAT depressing?

The other day somebody described Canadian culture as being on the cutting edge of blandness.

Imagine what it would be like if Stephen Harper wins a majority?

Thank fucking god I've got a real desert island, a home in Europe..... AND a French boyfriend.

So even if the worst happens....life should be WONDERFUL.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Sex, Rednecks and Burritos:Who Googles What?

Ever since I discovered that I had a lot of readers abroad I've been tormented by one burning question. How did that faithful reader in Mongolia hear about my blog? How did he or she FIND me?

And am I really THAT famous?

So I decided to check out how visitors get to my site..... and when I looked at some of the search keywords tonight ...I have to admit I was shocked....

Multiple blow jobs...Pig fuck man photo ...Saskatchewan rednecks.....Enema ...Iraqi fuck American.....Gay sex signals in public toilets....

Golly. If only I had known there was such a demand for rednecks, sex signals, and enemas, I would have written so much MORE about them.

Although I was also a bit annoyed....I mean how many times have I got to tell that pervert in Saudi Arabia that while I do write about PIG FUCKS....and MAN...and PHOTO... I NEVER write about them all together. So don't get your hopes up. Sorry.

But then I saw this Google survey and I felt a lot better.

Isn't it comforting to know that the Taliban are still at the top of the Google Charts.... in Pakistan? Who knew?

Or that Chileans are fascinated with gays AND Nazis?

And that David Beckham is still number one.... in Venezuela.

As for Canada... isn't it GREAT to think this one might actually fool the world into thinking we're still cool.

"Marijuana" - Canada, United States, Australia

Although how do we ever apologize for this one?

"Tom Cruise" - Canada, United States, Australia

WTF is that car bomb and burrito thing?

"Burrito" - United States, Argentina, Canada

And what does it say about us? Gulp. That we're more and more American every day? Or just that after all that marijuana we'll eat ANYTHING..

But then so will Stephen Harper...




















Holy Madunga!!!! Is that a LEADER or a Blue Burrito?

But of course it doesn't really matter. The Internet is not moralistic or sentimental. The challenge as a blogger is how to make this raw data WORK for you.

So I just want to let my faithful readers know that I am going to do my absolute darnedest to satisfy the demand out there. By trying to include multiple blow jobs,Saskatchewan rednecks, enemas, Tom Cruise, marijuana , car bombs AND burritos in EVERY post.

The only question I have now is when I include Stephen Harper on that list where will I put him? Between rednecks and blow jobs....

Or burritos and enemas?

Oh boy...that's going to be a HARD one..

----------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE:

Ooops. I just had another idea. Maybe all those Burrito seekers were just a bunch of old hippies looking for these guys....




They say the sixties died that day at Altamont. When the Hells Angels killed a man. Isn't that spooky?

I wonder how long we'll have to wait for The Day the Blue Burrito Killed Canada.

Won't THAT make a great YouTube?

Why I Don't Really Hate Chris Crocker

If you aren't one of the 10,182,198 people who as of tonight have screened Chris Crocker's YouTube defence of Britney Spears ....which begins like this:

"How fucking DARE.(snarl) ANYONE make fun of Britney!!!! (wail) After ALL she's been through!!!! (sob) She LOVES her aunt....she's been through a DIVORCE!!!!!!"(screech)

And then gets even worse.....

You should consider yourself lucky.

And don't worry you're NOT going to see it here. Because when I screened it I had to take two tylenols and lie down with the blinds drawn and a wet towel around my head. And I'd never forgive myself if the same thing happened to you.

However..... I did find another video to play which has been seen by more than two million people. But is mercifully shorter. So you can get an idea of what this Crockermania is all about...


Now I have to admit that when I first checked out this freak show I had some really BAD thoughts. Like will somebody PLEASE grab that little queen by the neck and drown him in a bathtub?Or just slap her....

But then I read this story. and I changed my mind.

Not only because I found out he's just an effeminate and very angry gay kid who is using the internet to assert himself, and fight back against the bigots in his small Bible Belt town.

As we walked around, past the Sunglass Hut, past the pushy smells of scented candles and baking cookies, people stared hatefully at us, and mostly at him. They stared hard, with the kind of presumed right to glare that people in more sophisticated places wouldn't dare show.

And that takes guts.

But also because I began to be disturbed by the number of gay men who hate him. Just like I do.

Here are some comments from ONE big American gay blog:

Someone PLEASE stop him. I can see the clock of progress screaming back to 1950 with this thing representing gay people.

He belongs in a specimen jar in a carny freak show.

He's hurting a whole lot of gay people out there by reinforcing the stereotype in America's collective mind that we are a bunch of screaming, self serving, good for nothing, mincing flamers.

Will someone please give him a hummer? The kind with four wheels and poor gas mileage? But please back up and run over him a second time. Egomaniacs this self-serving are hard to kill.

Now I like to think the only reason I hate Chris Crocker is because he's so shallow, stupid, and loud. And because he reminds me of my first boyfriend... when he was REALLY drunk.

But then I talked it over with Sebastien and I had to admit that deep down inside I probably also hate him for being such a poor role model. You know not butch enough or dignified enough to represent the side.

Except that he isn't representing the side. Just himself. And for many gay kids trapped in small towns he isn't a poor role model. He's a hero.

And hating him..... for being who he is .....is CRAZY. Because the kind of world I believe in is big enough for EVERYONE....gay or straight.... to be who they are.

And because... although it pains me to say this....the little flamer and I do have some things in common. We're not afraid to stand up for our rights. And we both hate the haters.



Although I wouldn't DARE say it quite like this....


But he does. Somebody has to. So good for him. Or her. Now get me some tylenol...

The moral of this story? Diversity can be extremely annoying but is ultimately wonderful. There is no ONE way to be gay. Bravery comes in many forms, and can be found in the most unusual places.

And Andy Warhol was a fucking prophet when he predicted that EVERYONE could be famous for fifteen minutes.

But of course that was BEFORE YouTube. So he was wrong about the amount of time.Terribly wrong.

That's the REALLY depressing part.

Although Andy would have LOVED Chris .... so WTF?

As the big butch Sebastien said....

Suck it up Simon.

We live in a vulgar world....

Britney Spears and the Internet People

I've been spending a lot of time on the internet....not just blogging but dumpster diving into YouTube and other viral video sites. And I'm starting to get a bit worried.

Not just about the state of my expanding ass...but about the deplorable state of my shrinking brain. And the inanity of it all.

I mean what they're doing to poor Britney....after her stunning MTV performance.

Is just TOO cruel....



Golly. How low can we go? Is the internet turning into a jungle? Are we all going crazy?

Like this guy seems to be implying....



Uh oh. I mean FUCK. That's something to think about.

I think.

But are we REALLY going crazy?

Or are we just internet people?



Wow! How many people worked on that video?

And how could they leave out the fat lady on the exercise bike.... Homer Simpson getting high....or all those guys lighting their farts???

But I suppose you can't have EVERYTHING.

Or CAN you?

That's the problem with the internet. Isn't it?

May the Monkey God save us all....

Truth, Lies and Wikipedia's Hidden Editors

When I heard that some some federal government employee had been making anti-gay revisions to Wikipedia on his or her office computer I was naturally outraged.

And then I was curious. How many others I wondered had been caught with their hands in the Wiki Cookie jar?

So I checked out this awesome list.

And here are some of my faves....

The New York Times employee who changed Condi's goal of being a concert pianist ...to being a concert...um....member.

The Future Shopper who insisted the company's products don't blow up. Really.

The Baptist Bible College's definition of Satan.

The BBC employee who described Tony Blair as a drunken sex maniac

The Subway person who declared their subs to be not awful but....

The Apple employee who says googling is something sexual.

The CIA employee who changed the Pope's photo to something SO AWFUL I can't even say it.

And my absolute super duper fave of faves....the person from General Dynamics...the huge military contractors...who believes that George Bush Sr is the first man ever to give birth through his asshole.

I guess they never forgave him for not "liberating" Iraq the first time....so they had to wait all those years before they could really cash in.

Although you know when I think about it....maybe that patriot is right.

I mean how else do you explain George Bush Jr?














Wow! Compared to THAT revision of history...or diddling of the truth....all those Wiki ones are NOTHING.

But it still makes me wonder....

When everyone gets to revise history...and the truth is what you SAY it is. Is the open information age informing us or confusing us?

If you change history how can you learn from it?

Is it all propaganda...

Or just a maddening din?