Saturday, September 01, 2007

Blogging Blues, the Campus Killer, and Joy Division

Labour Day weekend. Summer is almost over. I still can't believe it. When you're a kid summers seems to last forever. But as you get older they get shorter and shorter. Which makes me wonder....if life is a slowly speeding up movie....why am I wasting so much time blogging?

When I started I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to stand up for gay and bullied kids, speak for those who have no voice. And of course warn Canadians about Stephen Harper. And his plans to destroy Canada as we know it.

But now I'm not sure what I'm doing. The blogosphere is a nastier place. More vicious and insane. (NOTE: this was a link to Werner Patel's blog where he linked to Red Tory's private image file but has since been taken offline by Werner along with many other posts.)

It's turning into a jungle. I feel like I should be carrying a blade...or an elephant gun. Once I just wanted to be I'm afraid I belong.

Which for some reason reminds me of this guy....

And how he hated the sound of his voice.

He also did not communicate, speaking very little to his parents and avoiding eye contact.

"If called upon to speak when a visitor came to the home, he would develop sweaty palms, become pale, freeze, and sometimes cry..."

So nobody heard his silent screams for help ....until it was too late and he killed all those people.

Which in turn reminded me of Ian Curtis, the lead singer of Joy Division. And how even his friends didn't hear what he was saying.

Until after he had killed himself.

"This sounds awful but it was only after Ian died that we sat down and listened to the lyrics,"You'd find yourself thinking, 'Oh my God, I missed this one.' Because I'd look at Ian's lyrics and think how clever he was putting himself in the position of someone else.

I never believed he was writing about himself. Looking back, how could I have been so bleedin' stupid? Of course he was writing about himself. But I didn't go in and grab him and ask, 'What's up?' I have to live with that....

Cho couldn't speak. Ian sang but couldn't be heard. I don't know what I want to say. Or how to write it.

Or where I belong.

Life is a speeded up movie. I hope Ian's movie is a good one.

Because I sure love this song...


JJ said...

Oh Simon. Sometimes we all feel that way... what's the purpose of all this, what am I accomplishing etc. Especially when you see how really nasty the blogosphere can get... there are some real nuts out there.

But you do accomplish something, every time you write in your uniquely crazy, impassioned way, and somebody reads it -- you give them something to think about. Most people never leave comments on blogs, but I guarantee you they always come away from this one giving some thought to issues that they may not have thought about otherwise (ie. gay kids getting bullied). Even the people who say goofy things, it doesn't matter, that's a sign that you've made them think. That's why you do this.

And your life is anything but stoopid;)

Anonymous said...

JJ is right. You do accomplish something, you do it through how you care enough to write about it and the things you do on top of it. And your crazy impassioned style makes me think a little harder than I expected and most times that’s good.

Humanity being what it is, is an impossible thing to change, all the best intentions in the world can’t make up someone else’s mind but you would hurt the world more if you said nothing.

The perception of time really changes as we move along as individuals, time changes the kind of importance we give to ideas. I deal with things much differently than I did when I was pretty sure I was the one who came along with a new enlightened way of dealing with the world. Everybody dreams of being the next Christ.

The best thing we can offer each other is our differences because we can’t learn and diversify without it, but if you want to carry on with people who deliberately exploit that, that’s up to you, it will get you nowhere.

Choose your enemies wisely.

Simon said...

Hi JJ!! Thanks for such a sweet and encouraging note. I guess I did sound a bit depressed huh? I think it's just that the horrible blogging mess and the end of summer happened at the same time...coz I ALWAYS get the blues at this time of the year. I was born in the wrong part of the hemisphere. When my parents were posted to Brazil briefly I understood that :(
And then of course there's the Scottish part...ugh....
But I will take what you say to heart. Because you're such a good person.
And luckily I have Sebastien who being French is immune to these seasonal fluctuations...and knows how to deal with moody me. Cuff me on the back of the head...or give me a hug. Because he understands that sometimes I need both...coz I really am stoopid... :)

Hi Bruce!!

OK now I notice that both you and JJ say I write like a CRAZY I'm devastated. As if being the dumbest blogger wasn't enough...:)
Seriously though I do appreciate what you're saying....and as usual you are right.
And I know what you mean about seeing things differently as you get older.For one thing when you're younger you think you can do ANYTHING.So I set myself these lofty goals saving bullied kids or ending homelessness...and then I'm depressed when everybody out there doesn't say wow what a good idea let's do it!!!! I've got to stop thinking of myself as a Tsunami of Truth...and start thinking of myself as a rain drop falling on a mountain. One little drop doesn't count for much...but along with all those other drops we can make the mountain disappear. I am also going to stop getting involved in slagging matches with other bloggers. But Werner really pissed me off. Not because of what he said about me...although being called a terrorist sympathizer, a terrorist apologist as well as the dummest blogger in Canada did annoy me...a LOT.
But because of what he did to Red Tory...which was absolutely outrageous and dirty. thing I know for SURE...I am really lucky to have such great and smart blogging friends like you and JJ...
I may fuck up with the other stuff. But that I'll NEVER forget... :)

JJ said...

"but along with all those other drops we can make the mountain disappear."

"The falling drops at last will wear the stone." - Lucretius