Sunday, September 16, 2007

Dion, Wolfe, and the Fate of Antonio

After thinking it over carefully I've decided I'm not going to make fun of Stephane Dion's leadership qualities anymore. And above all NOT muse about whether it's time to press the panic Antonio did.

Firstly.... because although everything from my brain to my dick tells me the nerd Dion is the most calamitous decent but hopeless political leader to come along since Joe Clark. He's the ONLY nerd we got...and our best hope to defeat the Harper government.

Secondly....because I hate the lugubrious Count Ignatieff and the pompous ass Bob Rae far more than I hate Dion.

Thirdly....because I have a lot of Liberal friends and I can see what they have in mind for Antonio.

And fourthly....and most importantly.... because I'm afraid of this guy!!!

Anyone who can do a brilliant photoshop like that is capable of ANYTHING!!!!

Besides I agree with him. The situation in Outremont isn't quite as dire as it looks. The Liberals have a solid base. And the NDP must count on disaffected Bloquistes to care enough about Mulcair to actually get out of bed and vote. Although Outremont is the only riding where one out of three believe the war in Afghanistan is an important anything could happen.

Because after all it is Quebec.....I mean where else could this guy be in the news almost 250 years after he died?

It turns out that for twenty years some anonymous descendants of James Wolfe have been placing a notice in the obituary section of The Gazette lamenting his untimely departure.

WOLFE, General James. Died in Quebec City, September 13, 1759. Sadly missed.

Except that this year the trashy tabloid the Journal de Montréal noticed. And sent out a reporter to track down these unrepentant Wolfistes.

"We tried to meet these descendants to better understand their everlasting sorrow at never having met the deceased but they let us know that they were "not interested" in talking to us."

So the reporter heads over to see Jean Dorion, the idiot head of the Saint Jean Baptiste Society, and harvests this gem:

"There are some people in the anglophone community who are nostalgic about the English domination, and who want to make it known, discreetly, that they are bored by the time of the Conquest "

Which of course is hogwash. The only Quebecers who believe that are a bunch of cranky separatists over the age of sixty. And nobody else cares what the Saint Jean Baptiste Society has to say about ANYTHING.

But that's why I love Quebec....and it did remind me of the glorious summer afternoons spent necking on the Plains of Abraham....and wondering what the fuck happened here?

I always thought there must be a message for us all in this most defining of Canadian battles. Where one side beat the other. But both generals died. And the losing side won in the end making love not war. And lots of babies.

But maybe it's just a message for Dion. You don't think he could win the Battle of Outremont and still lose HIS war?

And BTW what happened to the little boy who dared to say the Emperor had no clothes?

Wot? They sliced him open, stuffed him full of goose livers and truffles, put an apple in his mouth, and roasted him alive?

Yikes!!!! Long live the Great Nerd Hope!!!!

Run Antonio run...


Anonymous said...

haha, you deal with the franco/anglo element and both generals......natives deal with the treachery from both.

i know i couldn't vote for harper.....dion, well i think his chin may be weaker then joe's......layton sidesteps indigenous sovereignty and the greens, well, elizabeth may is proving nothing so far.

so if you have choses your vote, i am envious because my decision will be more difficult :D

Simon said...

Hi Scout!! Yup it's a difficult choice. None of the parties meet my expectations. So as a member of the Anyone But Harper Party I'm going to have to vote strategically.
And yeah I can understand why it's even harder for native people.
I'll bet EVERY party has a trail of broken promises stretching all the way to the horizon...