Neither have I....and although anything can happen in life...I'm pretty sure I never will. You see I hate public toilets and try to avoid them as much as possible. Unless I really REALLY have to GO....if you know what I mean.
So I can only imagine how I would react if I was hovering delicately about a foot over the bowl trying not to lose my balance..... or touch anything....or MISS. And some guy with a "wide stance" stuck his foot into my cubicle...and did a one-legged tap dance right in front of me.
I'd probably vault over the partition, shove the guy's head in the toilet and flush it....with my foot. Like I always do....because you can't be TOO careful.
OK so I probably wouldn't shove his head in the toilet...but I would sure tell him to stop being such a wanker pervert.
So when I heard that Republican Uber Senator Larry Craig had been caught trying to do the toilet tango with an undercover cop I wasn't very sympathetic.
And that was before I knew that he was a right-wing anti-gay bigot hypocrite..... as well as a cowardly liar....and before there was even a tape. So now I'm quite enjoying it.
But what I REALLY hate is the way the dumbo MSM is making it sound like we ALL like to do it in the dumper.
Like this story suggests.
Now look....I've done it on Mount Royal at night... in the back seat of a car...and even in a hammock strung between two palm trees on a quiet little tropical beach. (NOTE: Kids please don't try that one at home unless you've got something soft to land on.)
But why would I do it in a toilet unless I was turned on by danger...or I was a hardcore closet queen?
When instead of having to learn all those "secret signals" I could just find someone on the internet...like most single gay guys I know...and do it in a comfy bed....instead of a filthy stall.
As this blogger points out that kind of sex isn't what it used to be.
Somehow, the idea of furtive bathroom sex seemed more in vogue when pop icon George Michael was arrested. Now, the guy in the stall next to you is likely a gay obsessed mayor, an undercover cop or a crusty old conservative legislator. With such unappetizing menu choices, one has to be quite desperate and pathetic to try to find his man in the can - especially with the advent of the Internet, which can deliver a pick-up faster than a pizza.
So, the few remaining men who seek to cruise the commode are mostly married conservative hypocrites looking for love on the sly.
Like the old fool Larry Craig and all the others...who don't seem to understand that by attacking gay people they are only attacking themselves...and making it even harder for people like them and others to come out.
And that the hatemongering religious extremists they cozy up to....who claim that they are leading them to heaven..... are actually driving them to hell in a toilet bowl. Where their pious crap belongs...
How many of these incidents will it take before America realizes that the family values crowd is a big, fat fraud? They are a batch of moralizing molesters, pious pervs, closeted creeps and values voyeurs. It is time the right just closes shop and stops pointing fingers - because we have no idea where those sticky fingers have been.
It really is madness. But I can't see it ending soon. Until the hatred stops and eventually so does the self loathing.
Which means we're going to have to continue to put up with the revolting parade of busted toilet queens heading for a mike...with their grimly smiling wives by their side....to deny that they ever did anything....
I mean REALLY....when will these sordid spectacles finally end? When will the damage caused by bad religion finally be undone?
Will Sir Norman ever find his watch? Will these horny right wing Republican Christian closet queens and hypocrites EVER stop shocking us?
Is that the sound of a toilet flushing?
P.S. The great gay actor Sir Ian McKellen has a survival tip on what to do if after balancing precariously over a filthy bowl...you discover there's no toilet paper.