Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Big Blue Bigot and the Phony Abortion Debate

When I first heard that the Big Blue Bigot was running for office my first reaction was to make inquiries about Paraguay. In case I had to move there in a hurry.

I mean she banned me from her blog.

And whipped up the zombies at Venereal Dominion against me. Hoping no doubt that those cannibals would EAT me. I was lucky to escape with my manhood intact.

So I can only imagine what that crazy christofascist would do to me...and other gay people...if she ever had any real power.

But then after thinking a bit more about it I realized that she must have been drinking some of the formaldehyde she carries Pickles....her avatar fetus around in.

And after taking a close look at her...... with her scary fanatic eyes and her snouty nose.

I realized that she has a better chance of sniffing out a truffle, than she has of winning a seat.......that isn't on a toilet bowl.

Unless she can freep the vote like she freeps those online polls... and NOT end up in prison.

I mean talk about inhaling her own gaseous emissions or believing her own propaganda. Who the fuck does she think she is? The Virgin Mary in a pickle jar....or Jesus in a tortilla?

Which when I thought about it....covered in chili and smoking a jalapeno pepper like a cigar...almost made me crap my pants with laughter.

And wonder whether her big blue bigotness intends to travel around her riding...strapped or velcroed to the side of her beloved meat wagon....

Followed by a swarm of flies. Buzz..... Buzz....Buzz.....

Run for your lives!!!! Here come da bigot!!! And da chopmobile!!! Children cover your eyes!!! Eeeeeeek!!!! Swat. Swat.

But of course it's not really funny. Because what she's trying to do is whip up the phony abortion debate.

Which shouldn't be a debate in the first place.... as JJ points out.

Because that debate is OVER.

Because in Canada NOBODY can tell women what to do with their own bodies. And never will again.

Just like they'll NEVER tell gay people how to live THEIR lives.

And anyone who thinks differently should just take a hike...back to the 14th Century.

If these creepy formaldehyde fascists and homophobes like the Big Blue Bigot think they can tell us how to live...or ban abortion and contraception...or persecute gays...or jail them like her good friend Bill Whatcott wants to do....sooner or later WE are going to be the ones who will have to lock THEM up.

In an insane asylum...

In the meantime I think I'll follow this campaign CLOSELY.

I can't wait to see the Big Blue Bigot taken down a peg. Deflate like a used rubber before my very eyes.

Until she's just a sad and pathetic Little Blue Bigot. Squeaking like a mouse.

Bring the cheese...and the traps everyone. Oh yes.... and a fly swatter too. And don't forget to heckle her.

YouTube can't wait.

This is going to be FUN....


Balbulican said...

Well, well, well.

I happen to live in Ottawa.

I also happen to have the full text of several discussions we shared with SUZANNE at Stageleft, in which she explained that the duty of a Catholic politician was to ignore what the voters in their riding want, if the Vatican dictates otherwise.

I think that quote is going to look great on a billboard.

Jay said...

hahahaha...I always knew the FCP was full-on batshit psycho...but now The Big Blue Bigot?

and terrible web design to boot. yuck. :)

JJ said...

LOL Simon, I am so glad to be back.:D You crack me up.

Anonymous said...

I agree Simon...this is going to be one fun election. I can't wait.

Simon said...

Hi Balbulican! well, well, well indeed. EXCELLENT.
That text should make a beautiful billboard.
But don't forget to hand out copies to the hecklers...or maybe they can also hold up the Vatican phone number and ask her whether HE calls with her instructions. Or does she call collect? :)

Hi Jay!! Batshit psycho is the word...I must say I didn't know very much aabout the FCP...but now I know TOO MUCH. Vomit. :)

Hey JJ!!!! I'm so glad you are!!
I know I said I would stay away from the BBB...but now she's running for the province where I am currently living...I figure it's my public duty to intervene.... :)

Hi Zac!! Hey thanks again for pointing me to the story. You know as much as I dislike the Little Village on the Rideau...I just MIGHT have to go there...:)