In many Montreal neighbourhoods this evening people were banging pots and pans in another casserole symphony of protest. The latest tactic in this awesome struggle.
It's a nightly ritual known as les manifs aux casseroles, that sees hundreds of people step out of their homes, armed with pots and pans.
At the stroke of 8 p.m., they start to bang on their kitchenware.
And just about everybody in the province was talking about yesterday's massive demonstration.
Meanwhile in the rest of Canada, judging from the coverage on the CBC, this was the Big Story.
I wish I could laugh at Stephen Harper's ridiculous attempt to return us to the days when we were British.
This is all fairly subtle, of course. We're not going back to the days when every classroom featured a royal portrait and we started every day with God Save the Queen. But after many years of going one way, now we are going the other way.
The problem with that is that Pearson and Trudeau had a reason for doing what they did, and remaking the symbology of the country in a way that had less to do with Old Blighty. When Diefenbaker was prime minister, a lot of Canadians thought of themselves as British. Only Canadians who refer to trucks as lorries feel that way now.
It’s a case of the Harper government poking the opposition, daring it to say something explosive, goading it into an insult to the Queen, allowing the government to then accuse New Democrats of being republican or beholden to Quebec interests.
My kingdom for a wedgie. Even if it destroys Canada.
Gawd. I have no idea why so many Canadians think he's doing it because he LOVES the Queen soooooooooooo much.
But quite frankly I'm embarrassed.
And I'm sure her Majesty is too...
Because I'm sure she finds the idea of somebody using her name to divide another country quite alarming.
And no doubt knows that the worst is still to come...
Oh boy. These Cons are ridiculous. And so are some Canadians.
Blimey. I don't want to be British eh?
The Cons are trying to kill our country.
And Emperor King Harper has no clothes...
But wait. Could that be the elusive Canadian identity?
Uh oh. Hold the fruit salad. It turns out Stephen Harper's obsession with everything royal isn't just another moment of madness. It's part of a Con Master Plan to lead us bravely into the future. By marching us back to the past.
Stephen Harper is working to recast the Canadian identity, undoing 40 years of a Liberal narrative and instead creating a new patriotism viewed through a conservative lens.
Restoring the “royal” prefix to the navy and air force this week is just part of the Prime Minister’s attempt at “creating a new frame” for Canada and Canadians.
And not only did this absurd plan spring from the fevered brain of Pierre Poislievre, the Con dick head. It's being blown up the hill by the Con buffoon Dean Del Mastro:
Dean Del Mastro, the Parliamentary Secretary to the Prime Minister, says this is about restoring Canada’s national identity which has been “lost.”
Canada is more, he says, than hockey, “saying ‘eh’ a lot” and drinking Tim Hortons coffee.
Can you believe that eh? Dean Del Mastro going on about our "lost" national identity.
And the glorious vision of our great Con ruler kruller...
OMG. How low have we fallen? Answer: so low that for the first time in my life I have to agree with Jack Granatstein:
“Nobody was pushing for this,” he says. “The idea of rolling back the national symbols to make them more British is just loony. Who does Harper think he’s appealing to? The NDP has attacked this move as has the Bloc [Québécois] so maybe he’s made his enemies come out. But I’m not his enemy and I’ve come out.”
Although I must give Harper SOME credit. After pedalling backwards furiously, like a circus clown, he's finally caught up with Dr Roy.
Take that trudeau. We will slowly, but surely undo your trudeaupian nightmare vision of Canada.
Because that Con idiot has ALWAYS called Great Ugly Leader HM PM, Her Majesty's Prime Minister.
Now throw Del Mastro a royal donut and think about that one eh? A Prime Minister who would play games with the future of our country for cheap political advantage. By turning it into a colony or a Banana Republic.
And then ask yourself how far back into the past do these Con apes want to take us? Why do they hate Canada so much? Why do they want to turn a young country into an old country? What are they on?
And where did they come from?
No. I knew it. There is no reasonable explanation.
But did you hear that monkey say "My name is Steve"?
And then start carving himself a stone toilet.
Doesn't THAT sound horribly familiar?
Yes. It's sad but true eh? Sometimes art does imitate reality.
When Stephen Harper said he'd change this country beyond recognition, he meant it.
Canada in the 21st Century, going backwards into the future...
OMG. How pathetic. More evidence that Stephen Harper wants to drag this country back to its colonialist past.
Look, if our ridiculous would be dictator wants to put on a pith helmet and pretend he's Lord Stephen of Alberta and Etobicoke, that's his problem. And it should remain between him, the voices in his head, and his psychiatrist.
I mean goodness knows he's worn funny costumes before...
Like my fave, Hopalong Harper, the nerdy Sheriff from Toronto.
Or Chiquita, the Queen of Con Canada...
But putting on a cowboy hat or a fresh fruit basket is one thing, putting on a pith helmet or a tiara, and dragging us back to our colonialist past is simply unacceptable.
I have no problem calling the Canadian army, the CANADIAN army instead of Land Force Command. I'd even say it's about time. But this royal bullshit is absolute baloney.
It's bad enough that our Parliament is lorded over by some English Queen. It's embarrassing enough that so many Canadians fawn over royalty, like groupies do Britney. Or kids do their dollies.
It's more than unfortunate that some of our proudest regiments, like the Van Doos, must bear the word "Royal" and swear allegiance to monarchs who don't even live here.
But generations of our people had to struggle for the right to be Canadians not British. For the right to fight and die as Canadians, and this is a giant step backwards.
It's just pandering to the old who refuse to give up their nostalgia for a Canada that doesn't exist anymore. A Canada where men ruled, women knew their place, and gays were jailed.
It will alienate Quebecers and young Canadians, who don't give a damn about the monarchy. It will make our country look even more tired and boring.
And let's be absolutely clear, the only reason the Cons are doing this is to try to hurt the NDP, and pit English Canadians against Quebec.
It's just cheap divisive politics. We need less monarchy not more.
If Stephen Harper wants to dress up as an English General, or Lord Steve of Alberta and Etobicoke.
He can screw himself royally. Or dance like a dolly.
At this colonial ball...
But I won't be joining him at that mucky muck party.
Because I'm not interested in our royal past, only in our future as a truly independent nation.
The Canadian navy should be the CANADIAN navy. The Canadian air force should be the CANADIAN air force.
Well if you live in English Canada today was Victoria Day. The day when you remember the grim old Queen, who came to symbolize both sexual repression and hypocrisy.
The one who gave royal assent to anti-gay laws that sent Oscar Wilde to prison. And still oppress people all over the world from Uganda to Jamaica.
The Queen who never came here.
But if you live in Quebec, today was La Journée Nationale des Patriotes. A day to remember the rebels who fought the British in 1837, to demand more democracy and freedom for the colonized.
So you can imagine which name I prefer.
Or consider more Canadian.
Especially these days...
But then that's Canada eh?
When the Queen visited Ireland recently this is how many cartoonists in Britain portrayed her visit...
But in English Canada, the last bastion of the monarchy, a royal visit drives the media and much of the population into a frenzy of delirious excitation.
And to make matters worse, so many were so carried away by the marriage of Prince Willums and Princess Cakie, that the whole world noticed. South Park set its spoof of the royal wedding in Canada.
And naturally it ended badly...
With the Prince ripping an arm off the Princess, dropping his drawers, and shoving it up his royal ass arse.
Gawd. How low have we fallen. I know the grim old Queen insisted that a woman's leg be called a "limb" lest the word incite dirty thoughts, or further fuel her insatiable drive to secretly shag her Scottish servant. But that's RIDICULOUS.
And besides it reminds me of what we did to ourselves during the last election. Allow the Cons to get a crushing majority with only 39% of the vote.
Oh boy. Why can't we just celebrate who we really are? You know, the not so smart people from the land where democracy is boring. The monarchy is exciting. And only the beaver is a noble animal.
A large, agitated beaver attracted a crowd in Fort Smith, N.W.T., this week when it meandered through town and got hissy with a German shepherd.
The beaver was spotted Monday evening wandering around a residential neighbourhood, along a busy street, through a graveyard and golf course, all the while escorted by an N.W.T. Environment and Natural Resources officer.
Because that and the last election could only happen in Canada eh?
Golly. I hope you all enjoyed The May Two-Four and Fireworks Holiday.
Because by next year Stephen Harper will have renamed it Victory Day.
The other night I made the big mistake of saying that one of the reasons the Oscars bombed, was because the big winner was a movie about a King. BORING.
And was raked over the coals by my most ferocious monarchist opponent:
My Mum.
She pointed out quite correctly that the movie is really about a human being trying to overcome a condition that bullies sometimes target to hurt and humiliate others. And that I should know.
And besides how could I say that when the blessed Queen Mumsy loved Canada soooooo much?
So now I just want to say that what I REALLY meant was how could they expect a movie about a King to be popular in America? When the teabaggers threw all that tea into the harbour in order to get rid of one.
They're running the country.
And they don't even like this American version...
But of course I do. I think it's a definite improvement.
"Her parents can't be overly happy. She has been largely unemployed since she left school and is now marrying someone who has been on welfare most of his life. With the new government's promise to cut housing benefit and force those who repeatedly turn down work into manual labour I do worry for them."
Now don't get me wrong eh? I wish the couple all the happiness in the world. Any girl who moons the boys.
Kate's friend Jessica Hay told News of the World in 2004 that Kate would 'moon' the boys' boarding houses from her own dorm window at Marlborough.
Is my kind of babe commoner. And I found this strangely moving.
Her best memory was an "amazing white-rabbit marshmallow cake that Mummy made when I was seven," and her worst was "being very upset that the pink fluffy shoes I won in 'pass the parcel' didn't fit."
In a Marie Antoinette sort of way.
But just don't ask me to celebrate the royal part.
Not in Britain, where gay people can't even have a humble wedding, the government has just slashed welfare, childcare, and disability payments. And the Cons are trying to pull a Thatcher.
Suddenly, it feels like 1981 again in London. It seems as if Britain repeatedly rescues itself from fiscal and political discord with a regal trip to the altar: Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer back then, interrupting a terrible period of unrest and pain under Margaret Thatcher’s austerity government; and, as Charles’s office announced Tuesday, his oldest son Prince William and his girlfriend Kate Middleton now.
And certainly not in Canada, where the slavish slobbering over the royal wedding practically made me vomit.
William has only visited Canada twice, but Heydel-Mankoo said the prince's place in the Canadian consciousness was secured 12 years ago when he was seen donning Roots' Olympic gear while on a ski vacation with his father and brother, Prince Harry.
Because when the CBC National News leads with the English aristocrat story instead of the Canadian one on Afghanistan, you know we've got a problem.
Look my position is clear. If Canada wants to be a real country, and if we absolutely MUST have a monarchy.
Can we please put the tin crown on the head of a Canadian...
Because although some Canadians seem to regret it, Canada isn't an English colony anymore.
And it's about time eh?
So will I be watching the English royal wedding?
Oh absolutely.
I'll just be keeping my fingers crossed.
And hoping it's as entertaining as this one was...
I'm ashamed to admit that I've always had a soft spot for Prince Harry. He always seemed a bit more human than some of the other twits in the Royal family. And some of the wild and crazy things he has done remind me of some of the stoopid things I did when I was his age. Ahem. But not anymore. Because it's one thing to snort vodka or drink beer out of a bong.
And it's quite another to be a racist and homophobic lout. You can read more about it and watch the video here.
You know when he turned up wearing a Nazi uniform at a party I thought it was just a lapse in judgement. But now I wonder. So now that my passion has cooled,I only have one question. When will Canada grow up like I did and get rid of this ridiculous monarchy? And if not now WHEN?
When I first saw this picture I thought one of the tabloids had managed to get a shot of Prince William primping for another wild Windsor Boy party. While Prince Harry was out in the woods with his friends, snorting vodka, shagging birds. Or shooting them. You know...just two MORE reasons to abolish the monarchy. So imagine how disappointed I was to find out it was just another collection of fake celebrities. Among the realistic-looking fakes are: Brad Pitt shaving Angelina Jolie's legs; a jailed Paris Hilton paying another inmate to scrub her toilet bowl; Mick Jagger getting his lips injected with collagen; a masked Michael Jackson putting lipstick on a crying baby; Catherine Zeta-Jones helping Michael Douglas fit into a corset; Jennifer Lopez struggling to pull a pair of jeans over her ample caboose; Queen Elizabeth II, panties down, sitting on the john; Richard Gere and the Dalai Lama being served by a topless waitress and President Bush and Tony Blair relaxing in white bathrobes as Blair strums a guitar.... And how SHOCKED I was to discover that this picture wasn't part of the collection.
Who could have guessed it? A old Pope having such a jolly good time with an old King from a corrupt kingdom. Where you can be arrested....or worse....for wearing a crucifix. Just like good Catholics are being arrested in the United States for wearing fishnet stockings. What a travesty.
I mean apart from their vast wealth and their fancy robes, what could those two old fogeys have in common? Except theocracy, the cult of power, corruption, brutal homophobia, generalized misogyny, and the ignorance of the ages. Oh. Right. Remind me to file that one somewhere between the Queen sitting on the toilet.. And Michael Jackson putting lipstick on a baby...
---------------------------------------------------- P.S. Do you think the next collection will have a fake picture of Stephen Harper blowing George Bush while wearing a hangman's hood? Or would that also be too real? And TOO disgusting...
You know something REALLY bothered me about this story. And not just the sight of one of the Windsor Boys lying on his back dead...instead of just dead drunk. Or that Harry is missing his ears. But you can buy them if you want. A bronze casting of his "severed ears" will also be on display at the hotel and will go on sale on the popular auction website eBay at a later date. Or that the sculptor doesn't know what he is doing or what he is talking about... "Prince Harry's spirit must have died the day they told him he couldn't serve." Like fuck it did. Or even why people would pay tribute to a royal wanker who never went to Iraq because it was too dangerous...and he was too rich. Instead of paying tribute to those who did. Although that one does bother me a lot. No. I have to admit that what REALLY disturbs me is why Dead Harry seems to be in a state of.....um....
arousal....
And what IS that nasty buzzard looking at?
Oh no. What an awful statue. What a nasty bird. What a horrible thought. That's enough to make ME snort vodka. And I don't even drink. But of course it could have been worse. Dead Harry could have been wearing his Nazi fancy dress costume. With a swastika on his arm, a drink in one hand, and a cigarette (gasp) in the other. And instead of his ears they could have put his humongous cock up for auction on e-bay. Can you imagine how much THAT would have been worth?!!!!!!! LawdyLawdy. What WOULD we humble hosers do without the monarchy? Do you really think we could be a REAL country one day? And STILL keep Dirty Harry around to entertain us and.....um..... INSPIRE us? What a lovely thought...
