Well if you live in English Canada today was Victoria Day. The day when you remember the grim old Queen, who came to symbolize both sexual repression and hypocrisy.
The one who gave royal assent to anti-gay laws that sent Oscar Wilde to prison. And still oppress people all over the world from Uganda to Jamaica.
The Queen who never came here.
But if you live in Quebec, today was La Journée Nationale des Patriotes. A day to remember the rebels who fought the British in 1837, to demand more democracy and freedom for the colonized.
So you can imagine which name I prefer.
Or consider more Canadian.
Especially these days...
But then that's Canada eh?
When the Queen visited Ireland recently this is how many cartoonists in Britain portrayed her visit...
But in English Canada, the last bastion of the monarchy, a royal visit drives the media and much of the population into a frenzy of delirious excitation.
And to make matters worse, so many were so carried away by the marriage of Prince Willums and Princess Cakie, that the whole world noticed. South Park set its spoof of the royal wedding in Canada.
And naturally it ended badly...
With the Prince ripping an arm off the Princess, dropping his drawers, and shoving it up his royal
Gawd. How low have we fallen. I know the grim old Queen insisted that a woman's leg be called a "limb" lest the word incite dirty thoughts, or further fuel her insatiable drive to secretly shag her Scottish servant. But that's RIDICULOUS.
And besides it reminds me of what we did to ourselves during the last election. Allow the Cons to get a crushing majority with only 39% of the vote.
Oh boy. Why can't we just celebrate who we really are? You know, the not so smart people from the land where democracy is boring. The monarchy is exciting. And only the beaver is a noble animal.
Especially when it's pissed.
A large, agitated beaver attracted a crowd in Fort Smith, N.W.T., this week when it meandered through town and got hissy with a German shepherd.
The beaver was spotted Monday evening wandering around a residential neighbourhood, along a busy street, through a graveyard and golf course, all the while escorted by an N.W.T. Environment and Natural Resources officer.
Because that and the last election could only happen in Canada eh?
Golly. I hope you all enjoyed The May Two-Four and Fireworks Holiday.
Because by next year Stephen Harper will have renamed it Victory Day.
Who are we? What have have we done?
Cue the singing beaver...
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