Monday, December 13, 2010

Don Cherry and the Redneck Problem

As you know, I spend a lot of time trying to improve Canada's image abroad. And that's not always easy eh? Hey you !!! Gimme a beer !!! Or I'll brain ya with my hockey stick, or club ya like a seal. In my igloo.

But now it's even HARDER.

Because now, thanks to the Cons, most of  the civilized world regards us as planet burners, human rights abusers, and American stooges. The sinister political thug Stephen Harper is about as welcome in polite company as syphilis is at an orgy. 

But he doesn't care because he's living in a bitter nerd's paranoid fantasy world...

Only God-zilla tells him what to do. Ignorance is strength.

And of course rednecks RULE...

I try to explain to my friends all over the world that we're not ALL rednecks eh?

And that some of us think that King Pinko, Canada's Sarah Palin, is a teabagger. 

I thought I had said all I ever wanted to say about Don Cherry. But lately, the man has morphed into Glenn Beck in sequins, out to prove that he who shouts loudest is always right. It's always the same thing: the rage, the name-calling, the complete absence of reason.

Who deserves to get the BOOT

The worst thing our national, taxpayer-supported network ever did, by far, was to allow itself to be taken hostage by Don Cherry. It's time for the network to show some spine and say "enough." Politics or hockey commentary, but not both.

And others think he's just a weird old geezer.

The worst thing was that I recognized Cherry’s pink blazer. I had the same one in the 1980s. Mine was single-breasted and had bigger shoulder pads, but there were the same glazed flowers and the same dopey this-outfit-doesn’t-work brassiness.

Then I imagined myself at age 75 disgracing old women everywhere with my thoughts floating about like cigarette ash and landing in my beer puddles, all sticky and nasty and mean.

But then just when I think I'm convincing the world that we're NOT all rednecks. That we're a sophisticated society. That Justin Bieber is the most popular Canadian NOT Don Cherry. That  Stephen Harper is only dangerous when there's a full moon. And we say ABOUT not ABOOT !!!!! 

Just when I think I'm making some progress eh?

I'm NOT... 

*Groan* Thanks a lot Alberta.

Oh boy. Some things are definitely true. Don Cherry is an asshole,  Stephen Harper  is a maniac. And both of them are PHONIES.

But some days you win, and some days you CAN'T....


Brian Philcox said...

Hi MS - Let's be clear, Cherry's jacket is not red, it's white... but there is a huge reflection from his neck.

Simon said...

hi Brian...heh heh heh good one :) I must have been blinded by his greatness. Ugh....

Anonymous said...

Canadians don't say aboot but they do say either "abewt" or "abayoot" (eastern half of the country, both of those) or "aboat" (western Canada). Most Canadians can NOT pronounce "about" properly like most American, English, Australian, and New Zealand speakers of English that say about like the "ow" sound in "cow." Canadians sound like Scots or Irish people when they say out and about.