Monday, December 06, 2010
Bruce McDonald: Death of a Gay Blogger
I still can't believe it. Bruce McDonald of Canuck Attitude has died. They say he took his own life. And I'm so sad.
I started blogging five years ago after reading his blog. When I told him he was my mentor, he used to call me grasshopper. He was funny like that.
I never met him, but he always encouraged me. I shared his anger and his pain.
I was hunted, and I was alone. So terribly, desperately, alone. When you're thrown against the lockers and getting punched out and your home room teacher is 50 feet away chatting with the Principal and Vice Principal and you know they can see what's going on and they turn a blind eye, you know you're alone in this world. It was pretty clear to me by the time I was 14 that I either had to find a new way to get along in this world because the situation I was in wasn't repairable, or I had to die.
I didn't want to die, but I had reached a point where there didn't seem to be another option. I've been held at knife point, I've been stabbed, I've had a gun held to my head, I don't know if it was loaded or not, and I've literally been hung by my ankles from a highway overpass as I stared into the seemingly uncaring windshields passing underneath knowing that not one of them would report anything.
As I told him in the comments of that post, I didn't understand why it took him 28 years to come out. But after that I did.
Now I can't understand why he took his own life. But maybe I should. Because how can you hurt a a decent, gentle, gay man like Bruce for half his life, and not expect the damage to last forever?
Which is why the no surrender gay flag he designed, will fly in my sidebar as long as this blog lives. And why he will always be my inspiration.
And that's it, I can't write anything more about this tragedy tonight. I'm too sad. There will be other nights when I can and will.
Tonight I just want to say that our progressive blogging family has lost a gentle gay giant. That he was my mentor. That I will always be his blogging grasshopper.
And that he wasn't just sad and angry, he was warm, wonderfully rude, and very funny. And he had a favourite song.
Rest in peace Brucie my brother.
This one's for you...