Monday, April 28, 2008
What do you do if you see two gay men kissing?
How about call 911?
Operator: "Birmingham Police operator 9283"
Caller: "We have a couple of men sitting out on the bench that have been kissing and drooling all over each other for the past hour or so. It's not against the law, right?"
Operator: "Not to the best of my knowledge it's not."
Caller: "So there's no complaint I could make or have?"
Operator: "I imagine you could complain if you like ma'am. We can always send an officer down there."
And so they did. I wish I was shocked. I wish I was surprised. But I'm not. Of all the naked ugly prejudice straight people hurl at us, few things are worse than their reaction to a gay kiss.
The sight of two men kissing seems to drive them...including many who should know better... into foaming convulsions of fear and loathing.
If you've ever been at a movie....and two guys kiss on the screen...you know what I mean.The whole place erupts with dismissive laughter, phews, or other expressions of hate and disgust.
I wonder if they ever wonder what gay people sitting there in the dark feel about that. Or whether it ruins the movie for them. Or what kind of evil message it sends out.
I don't know from what part of their vestigial reptilian brains this life denying irrational prejudice springs from.
But I do know where the original hatred comes from.Straight out of the primeval slime of crazy religion.
And twisted homophobes like the ones who are launching a boycott to protest against a soap opera kiss.
A kiss as sweet and as innocent as this one...
Anyone who finds that offensive (apart from the script or the acting) or gets a nervous tic, or feels dizzy or nauseous, or full of uncontrollable rage, or develops a sudden fever to murder all gay people, should consult their vets immediately and be tested for rabies.
But it does give me an idea.
You know because of my dour Scottish background I'm not the kind of guy who likes to suck face in public. And neither does Sébastien.
But now that I know how much a humble gay kiss bothers the crazy bigots. And exposes them as the inhuman monsters they are.
Imagine me as a hummingbird divebombing a flower....zzzzzzzzzZOOM...*SPLAT * ... SMOOCH!!
Mmmmm.... sometimes fighting the homophobes is hard.
And sometimes it's easy....
P.S. Here's the video version of the 911 kiss...