Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Welcome to the Straight Pride Parade

No Gay Pride parade season would be complete without some mouthbreathing homophobe plucking its feathers out and screeching "Why do THEY have one when WE don't have a Straight Pride parade?" Waaaaaah !!!!!!!

Well guess what? Now they got one.

And don't you just LOVE what the "new reggae/dancehall sensation" Jango Fresh has to say?

The Straight pride parade is a great idea because when a song like "Hit them hard" by my label mate Stapler can be banned just because it stresses the importance of a male and a female in every family, it is a sign that heterosexuals need to wake up.

The Straight Pride Parade is a chance for Heterosexuals to gather together and proudly embrace their sexuality.

Hmmm..... I thought they already did. Every day of the year.

But then until I read that story .... and I love reggae music..... I'd never heard of Jango Fresh.

Jango Mango YES...

But Jango Fresh NEVAH. Was it a fruit or a vegetable I wondered. A greased cucumber....or a nasty little hot pepper ?

And now that I have heard about him for all the wrong reasons, I'm wondering what Straight Pride songs he will...um... sing?

Fat Pussy, Gun Goes Off, or How to Rob a Bank?

I'm hoping for Bad as Me. Because after listening to his shitty songs I gotta say that even the cat in heat at the end of the street sings better than Jango does.

But what do you expect from these pathetic homophobes? The campaign against Murder Music is a fantastic success.

These bigots thought they could get away with calling for gay people to be hacked or shot or burned to death. Now some have surrendered. And the others are DESPERATE. They're running out of concert halls. They're running out of BLING. The poor bumbaclaats. What a sad TING.

On the other hand... there is ONE thing about this Straight Pride Parade that really excites me. Apart from the rumoured appearances of the Jesse Helms Quartet from Hell, and The Flagellators ... the Mullah band from Saudi Arabia.

And that is the thought that surely....if there is ANY justice.... the Grand Marshalls of this Procession of Losers will just HAVE to be....

Wait for it....

The homophobe Zombies of Jamaica !!!

Wow. Wouldn't that be something?The best float EVAH.

You know if that happens....and it doesn't rain or hail on the parade. Which I am fervently praying for.... and for which I'm prepared to sacrifice to the Weather God an entire BBQ chicken.

I can only hope my gay brothers in Brooklyn remember the poor gay people of Jamaica.

Fill their supersoakers with ice cold water ....or liquid manure.

And show their appreciation...

No comments: