Why Dogs Are Better Than Cats...Sometimes

(1) What could match the grateful look of a faithful hound for taking him to his favourite place, the beach? Especially when it's 40 degrees on the humidex scale, and he knows how to keep cool. 

But you don't dare swim in the lake after it rains, and you can't dig a hole, so you're DYING.

(2) Doggies don't do this to their friends...



Gawd.  Where did that cat learn to do that I wonder?

(3) Cats are hopeless at blogging...



While my dog writes a LOT of my posts...

You may have noticed eh?

On the other hand...cats don't like to roll in stinky things.

Like a dead fish.

And so don't have to be punished like this very bad doggie had to be today...

While his unfortunate owner wondered whether he was going to vomit in the tub. Or could make it to the toilet.

So tonight ,at least in this house, cats are looking pretty good eh? 

Although, as I've said before, I do have to say this:

Dogs. How can you live with them?

How can you live without them?

Rob Ford's Horrible Animal Farm Story

Well I suppose it was inevitable that Rob Ford's City Hall would turn into yet another Con version of Animal Farm.

With the hero of the Ford Nation morphing into another bully Napoleon, who waddles around on his hind legs, sucks back Red Bulls, and can't take no for an answer.

He said he could find close to $2 billion in the city budget without the average citizen noticing. He could do it without cutting services. “Guaranteed,” he said.

Turns out he can’t find vats of savings. Easy money. The KPMG consultants he brought in to sniff out the fat have filed their findings and the savings would have to come from real services that people use and cherish.

In short, Mayor Rob Ford’s credibility is shot, shredded, blown to bits — victim of his excessive rhetoric and unsubstantiated claims.

Golly. What a horrow show. But you've got to admit it's quite an ANIMAL story eh?

The other day the Fordzilla  was accused of flipping the bird at a woman and her young daughter. Today he was accused by another woman of suggesting she's a female dog.

And now his penguin Budget Chief is suggesting that Hogtown might raise some money by harvesting the animals at the city's tiny  children's zoo.

The politician in charge of Toronto’s finances is unwilling to take any cost-cutting options off the table, suggesting there is money to be found in unexpected places, including the pigs and chickens at Riverdale Farm.

OMG. Since they already sell eggs at the farm, will the poor petting cow be next?

Will the old horse be sent to the glue factory...or worse? I mean can you IMAGINE what a Ford Burger might look like? I can. *Shudder*

One pound of cow/horse beef, between two slabs of pork, floating in half a bucket of gravy. Because nobody ever called him classy eh? Just crass, vulgar, and DUMB.

Like all those people who voted for him. The ones we now call Ford's fools. Because if they lose anymore I.Q. points we are going to have to water them. Thanks a lot IDIOTS.

Oh boy. It's not easy to live on Fordzilla's Farm.

But this too is true. The day we get our act together and drive that homophobic hog from power, the people will be dancing in the streets.  And down at the children's zoo.

Even the chickens will be celebrating...



But while we wait for that happy day to arrive...

Enjoy your weekend eh?

Because it's going to be a long four years...

Rachel Maddow Exposes the Mobs-GOP Connection

And who is pushing the Obama as Hitler smear...



"I pray that God will strike Obama dead and all who stand with him they are evil."

And all I can say is...yes...er....RIGHT. Obama is literally Hitler.

May The Great Mamoona strike down these wingnuts and all those who stand with them because they are CRAZY.

And oh yeah....

May their dogs BITE them...



Poor dog eh?

Poor Amerika.

Thank goodness I don't live there...

My Dog and the Doggy Days of Summer

Oh EXCELLENT. Some good news to report at last. It turns out my dog Kerouac is almost as smart as my robot.

Or as intelligent as a two-year-old child.

Researchers have found that dogs are capable of understanding up to 250 words and gestures, can count up to five and can perform simple mathematical calculations.

"Obviously we are not going to be able to sit down and have a conversation with a dog, but like a two-year-old, they show that they can understand words and gestures."

Of course after spending a few days with my brother's two-year-old son I have to report that isn't saying much.

GIMME GIMME !!!!! Bang. Crash. WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

But then I'm still TRAUMATIZED.

So the day Kerouac understands that rolling in a dead fish after going swimming which he LOVES...
















Means going swimming in the tub....which he HATES.



















I think I'll call him a genius eh?

On the other hand Kerouac says the day I understand why he doesn't eat his delicious crunchies before I finish my steak.

He'll call ME a genius....

The Dog and the Butcher by Jonathan Holt from Jonathan Holt on Vimeo.

Yup. The doggy days of Summer.

May they never end...

Animal Stories and the Divided Left

It was a picture that went around the world. It made Australia look good. It made people happy.

So there are a lot of sad people today. And Australia is in mourning.

Sam had become a symbol of hope for Australians after the deadliest bushfires in the the country's history.

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd said the 4-year-old koala's death was "tragic".

But Crudd banned gay marriage the other day.

So what does he know about mourning?

"The prime minister has made it clear that a Labour government will not support any form of recognition of relationships that undermine marriage," Attorney-General Robert McClelland told delegates to the Labour Party conference.

And they're the PROGRESSIVE party.

Then there's this picture that also made a lot of people sad.

Gana the gorilla refusing to believe that her baby was dead...













But at least this one has a happy ending.

With fierce pride Gana the gorilla gently cradles her tiny baby. Her powerful forearm presses the wrinkly, virtually hairless child to her chest.

But as of last month Gana, aged 12, is a mother again and has been happily cradling her newborn, whose sex is unknown, and giving it rides on her back.

















Meanwhile in Canada....an election looms...and so does the jungle.

And all I can think is where's Iggy Jack Tarzan when we need him?

And how is the invisible divided left doing eh?

Libs/NDP/Greens 56.5 Cons 34.9.

Answer: Enjoying the summer while it's still here !!!



Gimme another Margarita !!!

You know I hate to run animal stories because they're so EASY.

But sometimes I can't help it....

The Recession and the Baby Wolf

You know I used to think the Bank of Canada's sunny forecast that the recession is over...

"We are on track for the recovery both in Canada and globally," Bank of Canada governor Mark Carney told reporters.

While the high dollar rips the last remaining spasms of life out of our battered manufacturing sector. Cripples our exports. And KILLS our tourist industry.

"However, the higher Canadian dollar, as well as ongoing restructuring in key industrial sectors, is significantly moderating the pace of overall growth."

Was as absurd as the idea of a man teaching a wolf how to HOWL.



But I was wrong eh?

AWWWWWW.

So I guess ANYTHING is possible....

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P.S. When my dog heard the baby wolf howl, he ran across the room, grabbed his cloth bunny, and hid it.

After listening to Mark "Sunshine" Carney I suggest we all do the same....

The Australia Fires and the Wrath of God

As the walls of flame sweep across Australia killing more than 180 people, a crazy Christianist blames the tragedy on the wrath of God.

“In my dream I saw fire everywhere with flames burning very high and uncontrollably. With this I woke up from my dream with the interpretation as the following words came to me in a flash from the Spirit of God."

“That His conditional protection has been removed from the nation of Australia, in particular Victoria, for approving the slaughter of innocent children in the womb.”

Just like this other crazy Christianist said Katrina was God's punishment for New Orleans.

Now this kind of stuff drives ME crazy. And when I checked with his Holiness Ceiling Cat he was pretty mad too.















But I managed to calm him down by pointing out that the Christianist God may hate people, but teh peepuls LOVES koalas.















It was amazing, he turned around, sat on his bum and sort of looked at me with (a look) like, put me out of my misery,I yelled out for a bottle of water. I unscrewed the bottle, tipped it up on his lips and he just took it naturally. He kept reaching for the bottle, almost like a baby.

Yup. Who needs an angry vengeful God when we've got kind people? Taking care of other people and the wonderful creatures of this world.

You see Ceiling Cat ....dat's what really counts. The rest is just hateful garbage

All you've got to do is give dem crazy Christianists a little rope. LOL.

And they'll hang demselves...

Gay Penguins and Pregnant Gay Kids

Well I'm sure that by now EVERYONE has heard the story of the two gay penguins who were so desperate to become parents they went on an eggnapping spree......and had to be separated from the other penguins.

And how their dream of domestic bliss. Daddy daddy vomit me a sardine !!!!!!!

Finally came true.

A pair of gay penguins thrown out of their zoo colony for repeatedly stealing eggs have been given some of their own to look after following a protest by animal rights groups.

Last month the birds were segregated after they were caught placing stones at the feet of parents before waddling away with their eggs.

Golly. It even has a happy ending. Their keepers say "they've turned out to be the best parents in the whole zoo".

Awwwwwwww.

And then there is this other story about gay parents. Right here in Canada. And it's not so cute.

Lesbian, gay and bisexual teens in British Columbia are at a higher risk of becoming pregnant or causing a pregnancy than their heterosexual peers, says a study released Tuesday.

The authors suggest the discrimination, sexual abuse and harassment that gay, lesbian and bisexual teens face may prompt them to indulge in more sexually risky behaviour like having sex without using condoms, starting to have sex before the age of 14 or having multiple sexual partners.

And it won't have a happy ending until we end bullying in our schools. And tackle the real problem.

David Wolfe, a clinical psychologist who has a chair in children's mental health at Toronto's Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, said the way to address the elevated pregnancy rates among bisexual, gay and lesbian teens is to find ways to stop making them feel so stigmatized.

"We are creating our own problems by creating problems for them," Wolfe insisted. "By not giving them a chance to have a voice in it. Then it becomes a bigger problem - and we blame them for it."

Homophobia. Bad for adults. Bad for kids. Bad for babies. Bad for EVERYONE...

Gay penguins are celebrated. Gay children are forgotten.

Daddy daddy vomit me a sardine.

What a crazy world...

The Bad Sex Awards and the Worst Animal Video

I realize that most Canadians are probably not interested in the Bad Sex in Fiction Awards. Gosh. We don't write about THAT...and except in Quebec and Newfoundland...we hardly do it either.

But of course I do, and I love them.

And I have to say this one is my fave.

Sebastian was lying across his bed with the blinds drawn wearing nothing but a towel, hands lazily laced behind his head as he watched the cricket on a small flickering television screen in the corner. His chest was the size of a South American country. A slanting tongue of lamplight lit up his lap and I could see the outline of his large appendage.

After agonizing for, oh, about two-fifths of a second, I straddled him on the bed, pinning his arms beside him with all my body weight. 'Remember what you said about chastity being curable if caught early enough?'

Especially the part about his chest being the size of a South American country...let's say Brazil. Which would make his large appendage about the size of Alberta.

Which seems strangely fitting.

Although I have to admit this one was pretty good too.

Inside, the room was dark, lit only by the lurid scarlet of the electric stars atop each of the eight spires of the Kremlin outside the window. They backed on to a bed that sagged in the middle, the sheets rancid with what she later identified as old sperm and alcohol in a cocktail specially mixed for Soviet hotels. She wanted to struggle, to reprimand, to complain, but he grabbed her face and kissed her so forcefully that a lick of flame burned her to the core.

He's a madman, she thought as he made love to her again. Oh my God, after twenty years of being the most rational Bolshevik woman in Moscow, this goblin has driven me crazy!

Gobble gobble...

Which reminds me... it's also time for the Bad Animal Video Awards.

And this year I'm nominating this Argentinean internet ad about the duck who adopted a dog.

With the sweet beginning.

And the bittersweet ending....



Yikes. It's true. Eh?

Animals, like humans, are meant to be loved when they are ALIVE.

And sex should be DONE not written...

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P.S. I think we have a runner-up....in BOTH categories.

I'm just waiting for the video....

The Throne Speech, the Brassiere, and the Cat on the Roomba

Gawd. What a SCARY Godzilla of a day off.

The other day I was joking about my gay gorgeousness. But what I really meant to say was that I'm just glad I look so good without having to go to the gym five times a week like all my gay friends.

Even if I have to put on shades.... and turn down the lights.

But what I also didn't say was the reason I don't like going to the gym too much, is because I've always had this irrational fear about over developing my pectoral muscles.

And know I know why.

OMG. Or should that be Mammary Mia?

The only thing scarier than that was watching Stephen Harper's Throne Speech.

And realizing that he doesn't have a clue what to do.... or where this country is going.

Like a government-killing neocon who has run out history.

Or a cat on a Roomba.



Gosh. Wouldn't it be great if we could put a brassiere on Harper?

And put his rotten little Finance Minister Jimbo Flaherty on a Roomba....

















And have it chased by a hungry hound.

Hey we'd still probably go bankrupt.

But wouldn't it be FUN?

Sarah Palin, Stephen Harper, and the Singing Dog

OMG. Politics is frying my brain. I can't take it anymore. If I hear one more Big Lie from Stephen Harper or John McCain and his Rocky Poppy Horrow Show. Or one more helmet head banality from CNN. Or one more mangled sentence from Stephane Dion. Or ANYTHING about Sarah Palin...the Redneck Messiah from Wasilla.

I think I'll go BONKERS.

I'm going to have to pace myself if I'm going to make it to the end of the campaign. So screw the usual thoughtful analysis, or the awesomely brilliant insight, this post is going to have to be really short and crude. Sorry.

But this is all I REALLY want to say.

If Sarah Palin can run for Vice-President of the United States of America. And can be one heartbeat...or Christianist ninja attack.... away from having her finger on the nuclear button.

Yes THIS Sarah Palin...



And if Stephen Harper can be the most TRUSTED leader in Canada.

Even though his RepubliCons are trying to ruin our economy.Turn us into beggars..

Or just plain kill us.

"Listeria is the biological agent, cold cuts the vector, but the ultimate cause may be found in risky government decisions...."

Then ANYTHING can happen.

And don't be surprised if a dog can SING.

Because I'm not...



In fact by the time this nightmarish political season is over...and by the way things are going.

I wouldn't be surprised if I'm down on all fours myself.

Howling along with her.

Simon...Simon....we love you...we love you. It's over. It's over.

Woooooooooooooooh.....

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P.S. COMING SOON LATER TODAY on THIS channel !!!!!! Sarah Palin and the Anti-Christ: The Sequel !!!!!!!

You know what they say? In times of great madness.

If you can't beat them..... you better JOIN them.

Or ELSE...

There are Animal Stories....

And there are animal stories.

Like the story of the humble dog who saved an abandoned baby...


Awwww.

Hey. I don't need stories to give me a reason to love dogs.




















But he says, and I agree.

One more is EXCELLENT....

The Amazing Story of Christian the Lion

OK I know that gazillions of people have watched this YouTube about Christian the lion.

But somehow I must have missed it.

Now that I have screened it... all I can say is this:

If you haven't seen it, get your hankies ready....



What a lovely story. I don't know what it means.

But I'm guessing.

Lions should be born and live free.

And love is FOREVER....

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P.S. If you want to know more about Christian's story you can read it here.

The Amazing Journey of Nubbs the Dog

If you've ever visited Edinburgh you've probably visited the shrine of Greyfriars Bobby.

The dog who spent fourteen years guarding the grave of his master.

Well Bobby meet Nubbs...













The poor abused Iraqi dog who wouldn't abandon the marine who saved him.

So the marine didn't abandon him.

Don't you love a good news story out of Iraq?

Don't you love a happy ending?