Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Painful Times and Poodle Parties

Oh boy am I sore. And it's not just my you know what. It's my right hand too. On Sunday night I was out racing some other drunken idiot on a dirt bike when I mistook a large rock for a clump of grass....and took a flying lesson instead! Bottom line: for the next two weeks I'll be forced to type and wack off with my left hand. So I'll have to keep it short .....er.....never mind.

The short of it is nobody won the Great Sex Challenge. I did my part before being knocked out of the competition. But there just wasn't enough action out there. I was hopeful this couple in the park might give me some stiff opposition.

But, alas, that's as far as it got.

In fact to find a winner I had to travel all the way to Mother England to give this Deputy Prime Minister the Aren't I Sexy award. Can you believe it? In the Admiralty Room? I bet that's the first time a heterosexual sex act has ever happened there. Those frigid Brits are making us look like eunuchs. Although I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Didn't President Harper once say that he'd never even seduced his wife? No wonder his government feels so old and tired already.

But it gets even worse in Merry Old England. It turns out everyone in Poodle Blair's right left wing government is having a merry old time! If you don't believe me check out this!

And then there's the Minister who let a thousand dangerous criminals out of jail instead of deporting them. Presumably so he could have fun catching them again. And the Minister of Health who made it into the Guinness Book of Records. By becoming the first human being to be almost lynched by a mob of nurses!

And what is the wizened old George Bush Poodle Tony Blair doing while his government disintegrates around him?

Taking Catholic instruction. And telling us that him and god made the decision to invade Iraq. Hmmm....I guess they were both wrong...Does that mean Blair gets half the blame? Or just that The End is near?

BTW..... Speaking of that.....I hear Bush's new PR team is alarmed by the Chimp's deep rooted conviction that God is telling him to attack Iran. And go down in history as the man who saved the Jews from another holocaust, and above all saved the Christian holy places. So Jesus will have a runway to land on when he comes back. Boy won't that be exciting? Let's just hope the Chimp and the Poodle get their advice from different gods. Or belong to the same gang...

Meanwhile back in boring old Canada... what have we got to look forward to? Oh yeah. The first Conservative budget ....aka the Bribe as Many Voters as you Need for a Majority (especially in Quebec) Plan.Yawn. Although with all those tax cuts for their friends in big business the eventual results should be pretty dramatic. We'll be just be another yankee loving Banana Republic, like this one.

But hey. I want to be fair. I'll just wait and see what's in the budget. You never know I might be surprised. If this can happen.

Anything is possible.

Just don't tell me humans can fly...

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