Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Werner Patels and the Dummest Blogger in Canada

When I received an anonymous tip that a blogger named Werner Patels had shat on my last post and declared me to be The Dumbest Blogger in Canada...as well as a terrorist apologist and sympathizer...at first I was puzzled. Who da fuck is Werner?

And then I was delighted. Woohoo!

Everyone knows that these days it doesn't really matter WHAT they say about you...as long as they say SOMETHING...and when you have a teeny little blog ANY publicity helps.

But when I stopped celebrating long enough to actually read the post in question .....I came down to earth with a sickening thud.

The Alberta Expectorator?????? WTF????? Bye bye shiny gold medal... hello redneck cow pie.

But the most shattering blow was still to come....when I checked out Werner's motto

Tout le monde est fou sauf moi....

Or everyone is crazy except me.

And not only THAT. But this....

Sure, I am an arrogant A-hole, but when you are blessed and privileged enough to be one, why not?

Which of course was THE END of my dreams of glory. Who the fuck is going to believe I'm the Dumbest Blogger In Canada when it comes courtesy of an INSANE ASSHOLE ?

Which made me really angry. How dare he raise my hopes only to dash them? Who REALLY IS this Wernie Whiner?

So I fed everything I could find out about him into my supercomputer. From the fact he was born in Austria....to his mousey look ....and bloated ego....

I don't pretend to be an opinion-maker, but that's how, apparently, a lot of people see me...Government ministries and agencies, for instance, regularly run specific Google searches for my name if they want to read my latest opinions on current affairs.

I must be quite successful, given how my opponents crap in their pants whenever I publish a new article or column.

As well as his fascist beliefs that any brown Canadian or immigrant or practically ANYONE who doesn't want to kiss Chimp Bush's ass should be deported from Canada...or sent to Guantanamo.

And of course his clearly delusional state...

Many of those who are opposed to my particular political views are outright scared of what I might write -- so scared in fact that they will do everything in their power to discredit me....

I did try to include his "particular political views" but alas there were so many of them over the years, I didn't have enough space on my hard disk.

So I just punched in MEDIOCRITY .....over and over again .....hit ENTER on my supercomputer.... and this is what came out....

OMFG!!!!! Heil Mary!!! It's Colonel Klink!!!

Achtung!! Simon ze terrorist gleichgesinnter!!!! Dumkofen traitor!! Ich bin mein GENIUS!!!!!!! Guantanamo for ze brown people .......and ze krazy kriminal Red Tory !!!! Kooler for YOU!!!!

You know..... the day they DON'T believe Werner when he says everyone is crazy but HE'S not...and they take him away to that place with padded cells....and high walls topped with barbed wire. I hope he finds his Hogan...or he'll NEVER get out.

Oh yeah...as for the award for the Dumbest Blogger in Canada...he can keep it. Or better still...give it to himself. Because as much as I HATE to say it. (sob) (sob).

NOBODY deserves it more than he does...


JJ said...

I don't believe it! That nutcase called you the dumbest blogger??!! Hahahahahhaha! Take a bow, Simon, that means you're doing something right for sure because that guy is demented.

Red Tory said...

Hey, you're in good company. ;)

Loved the clip of Col. Klink. LOL. Oh man, that's funny.

Anonymous said...

Hi Simon,

Werner Patels month of August is no long available and under the "about" section of his site it reads
"The Alberta Spectator is a quality online publication, featuring opinion pieces/columns about politics, society, the media and much more.

The Alberta Spectator is not a blog. It used to be a blog before, but blogging every day is "too much work". Hence, the format change.

But then that could change as he works through the night to cover his tracks!

Balbulican said...

I really do hope you're enjoying the brouhaha...(emphasis on the "haha" bit). It seems the vile and unlovely Werner has done what few bloggers have ever managed...he has united bloggers of every conceivable political stripe in complete revulsion. If you haven't, check out the threads and comments at jj's, cc's (hey, what's with all these double consonant progressives?), or Eugene Plawiuk's. Hilarious stuff.

Simon said...

Feb 08

to Brian Macker... Thanks for your comment but I decided not to publish it because I don't want to use my blog for other people's blogging battles. I only took on Werner because he attacked me. So I had a little fun. But I'm trying to stay away from any kind of flame wars these days. They just turn into a dialogue of the deaf.
My advice is just ignore Werner because I doubt you'll be able to change his mind about anything either. Besides there are far worse than him out there...
I hope you can accept this explanation as I mean it in good faith. And I thank you again for taking the trouble to write.

Unknown said...

I made the mistake of commenting on one of Werner's posts over in Agoravox... his responses were truly revealing of his personality. Instead of responding to critisism directly and defending his viewpoints, it seems he prefers to insult people. I had no idea who this nut was until just now when I googled him. From his posting, I thought that he was a crazy lefty not a crazy righty.


Simon said...

Hi Clayola...yeah Werner is quite a character and he has been on both sides of the right/left fence.
But as I said before he's not really a bad guy...and although I wasn't too pleased with being called the dummest blogger in Canada...I forgive him. Everyone gets pretty heated on the internet now and then. And this Free Speech debate is red hot with both sides blazing away...but I think we all need to take a valium...argue our points forcefully. But cut ourselves some slack. God knows none of us are perfect. I'm certainly not... :)