Doggy Horror and the Law of the Jungle

Uh Oh... more disturbing news out of Alberta... As you know I've been making a real effort to try to portray the redneck province in a more positive light. And a couple of weeks ago when I read this story, I figured I'd hit the jackpot.

Or whatever they call it in Rube

Finally a good reason for other Canadians to visit the province. Not only lots and lots of cheap cars!!!!

But lots and lots of desperate hookers who'll do ANYTHING for five bucks!!!! As long as you got a motel room....

But now I'm afraid I'm going to have to issue a travel advisory.....In addition to the permanent warnings in place about rampant homophobia, religious wingnutery, bad air, criminal greed, and of course impending desertification.

But this advisory is even worse than a regular Alberta Alert. It's so horrible I can hardly describe it.

It turns out the rubes have been dragging dogs behind their pickup trucks. And then other rubes chase after the doggy draggers and try to lynch them.

Daisy Duke had a broken neck, back and pelvis, a bag pulled over her head, a rope around her neck and all four legs bound.

A 100-metre trail of blood showed where the dog had been dragged behind a vehicle.

My first reaction after reading this story was to side with the mob and think about what should be done with the dog draggers. Should they be mutilated before being lynched? Or simply drawn and quartered?

Like this guy...


"The prisoner(s) were hanged in the normal way (i.e. without a drop to ensure that the neck was not broken) but cut down whilst still conscious. The penis and testicles were cut off and the stomach was slit open. The intestines and heart were removed and burned before them. The other organs were torn out and finally the head was cut off and the body divided into four quarters. The head and quarters were parboiled to prevent them rotting too quickly and then displayed upon the city gates as a grim warning to all."

At first it sounded just about right....especially the parboiled part.... But then I changed my mind. I'm a huge animal lover. I can't stand cruelty of any kind. And I love my dog Kerouac almost as much as I love myself. Which as you know is a lot. But what's the good of killing monsters if you are just going to become a monster yourself?

That's why I have always been against the death penalty. Not because I feel sorry for the monsters and killers. But because we have to be better than them. If not what's the point?
So naturally I am against stringing up this guy.

What the hell good would that do? He'd just be one more body in a country that has been turned into a slaughterhouse.

As that Baghdad Burning blogger JJ links to writes:

"Iraq has not been this bad in decades. The occupation is a failure. The various pro-American, pro-Iranian Iraqi governments are failures. The new Iraqi army is a deadly joke. Is it really time to turn Saddam into a martyr?"

Exactly...instead of just letting him fade away in a lonely jail cell in some boring place like Switzerland they'll kill him. And ten years from now there will be a statue of Saddam just where the old one was. But what do you expect? The United States set up the Iraqi Court, paid for it, and advises it.

So naturally it's just a copy of murderous Amerika and its state sanctioned Death Machine. (Sigh) Wouldn't North America look so pretty and blue without that ugly red stain?

You'd think after all the tragic errors of the Iraq war, the Americans would be smarter and better than that. But they're not because in murderous Amerika capital punishment is all about revenge. Instead of results.

Won't they ever learn? Don't they understand that hanging Hussein won't make things better. It will only make them worse. Or that if you're not fighting for a better more civilized world, you're fighting and dying for nothing. You have to be pretty dum not to understand that.

Or a dog........ Like my pal Kerouac.

When I asked him what should be done to the doggy draggers in Alberta. Here's what he had to say...

The way I see it.....he may be the best doggy pal in the world.

But the law of the jungle is the law of the jungle.

So that's why I'm in charge.

Oh yeah BTW....if anyone knows of any OTHER good reason I shouldn't visit the redneck province of Alberta.

Please let me know. Thanks...