Friday, November 10, 2006

Curing Pastor Penis and the Republican Closet Queens

Well let's start with the good news. It looks as if Ted Haggard, aka Pastor Penis, is about to get what he always wanted. Five or six men on their knees laying their hands on him. For about five years. That should make up for lost time. Although his "spiritual restoration" does have some risks. All"laying on of hands" can be really exhausting. And he can't afford to fail.

"Guys just wear out and they can no longer subject themselves to the process."

....Those who fail "end up selling cars or shoes or something, and being miserable and angry the rest of their lives...."

Yikes! I'm not surprised about the wearing out part. The last time six or seven older men had their way with me I slept like a baby. But who knew car salesman were like that? Remind me about that the next time I buy a car. So I can tell the salesman to forget about the free windshield wipers. And just blow me.

But seriously..... I do wish Pastor Penis all the luck in the world. I'm not the guy to kick someone when they're down. On the other hand if I ever bumped into this guy all bets would be off. I'd wear my steel toed boots.... and use him to polish them...

He's Ken Melhman, the Chairman of the Republican National Committee. And the latest Republican Klown to be outed

Now this closet queen traitor is a nasty piece of business. As head of the monstrous Republican War Machine he's not only responsible for all kinds of homophobic atrocities. He's also the one ultimately responsible for this outrageous and racist ad aimed at Democratic Senate candidate Harold Ford.

But Mehlman's closet queeniness is not exactly a secret to some people in the gay community. In fact they even have their own version of the Harold Ford ad. And this one is for Kenny....

You know it's funny.....but it isn't. All Closet queens are pathetic. And their miserable lives are their own worst punishment. But they do an enormous amount of damage. Instead of providing young gays with positive role models. They infect them with their own self loathing. And the results can be tragic.

But closet queens who actively work against our cause, like Haggard and Mehlman, are even worse. They turn their self loathing against us. They demonize us to fight their own inner demons. They collaborate with our vicious enemies to hurt us. When they are really hurting themselves. You can't be more of a traitor or a poodle than that.

The good news in all of this is that all these right-wing closet queen klowns are shoving a nuclear dildo right up the ass of the Republican Party. The ridiculous gay Log Cabin Republicans are blaming the social conservatives for the midterm debacle.

And the crazy wingnuts are praising the Democrats.

At first I figured I'd put my money on the wingnuts. There seem to be an awful lot of them. But after receiving this latest communique from the Gay Underground I changed my mind. There seem to be an awful lot of gay Republicans as well...

Uh oh...can the confetti...I'm putting my money back on Pastor Penis and his wingnuts. Gay Republican may be an oxymoron. But these traitor fags are just morons.

But it doesn't really matter. As long as one group forces the other out of the Republican Party, that's what really counts.

So all I can say is.....Go for it bitches!!! May the best closet queen lose.....

As for Pastor Penis.... I'm rooting for him...but with all his new friends willing to go down on their knees for him. And for free.

My little gay birdy tells me...

He's going to end up selling cars..


  1. Gay Republicans...

    "Oxymoron" isn't a strong enough word.

    I think it was Margaret Cho that summed it up nicely: "Gay Republicans make as much sense as Jewish Nazis."

  2. A fairly recent experience from my Blog:

    Friday night I met a handsome gentleman from New Jersey, and after some chatting, well,frankly
    of chatting, he invited me to come and check-out his hotel room which was conveniently located nearby. Given my interest in interior design and the fact that well, I just love hotels, especially tacky ones, how could I refuse! Immediately upon entering the room I noticed a large contraption on the bed - a mechanical box, cords, and what looked like hospital tubing. "Oh," I said, gulping, not quite sure what I was looking at. "Oh," says (pick a name - I have no idea), "that's just my positive air flow thing, for my sleep apnea, you know....."

    Well, to be honest I thought, no, I don't "know." Anyway, Pick-a-name then excused himself to the bathroom and I kinda paced around a little, debating the effect said machine was having on my mood. It just didn't seem particularly "charming." It was then that I noticed that he had a lot, and I mean piles of literature from The Republican Party, which I was leafing through when he walked back in the room. "Know, your enemy Eh!," I said, laughing. "Um," "Not at all, I am a Republican, and a proud one." To me, that was the sound of the other, second shoe hitting the ground. "Yeah," I say, "this isn't gonna work for me." He looked shocked - really shocked actually, and asked me why not. I mean, he was handsome, and sleep apnea or whatever aside, it was at least a legitimate question I guess.

    "Oh, because clearly you're a self loathing idiot." I mean...c'mon!!!

  3. Hi Mark!! Yeah you know it not only horrifies embarrasses me. I think one of the most horrifying things I ever read was when someone was asking some elderly Jewish lady who had survived the Hitler years about the homosexuals and the Nazis. And she said"The homosexuals? They WERE the Nazis...." It does make you wonder about how sexual loathing and right-wingers seem to go together....

    Hi Too Busy! Hmmm....I must say the sight of that contraption on the bed would have probably scared me off....before I even knew he was a Republican!!! I've been lucky that way. For some mysterious reason I can only be sexually attracted to left wingers:) Although if I had been in the Second World War I probably would have had to be forcibly restrained from raping the Hitler Youth!!

  4. I could dress like a Hitler youth ! :)

    My other "I'm too left wing for sex with you" story was one night in Provincetown when I was naked in bed with a HOT prosecuter from Boston. I left when he said something (and I don't know how it came up in bed) about how great the death penalty is. I left. And it was HARD to leave, but it was worth it, if only to claim that I crawled outta bed with a hot man over the death penalty!!!! :)

    (sometimes I'm too Canadian for my own good)