Friday, November 03, 2006

Pounding Harper and the Homophobes

I went to visit a friend at a boxing club the other day and ended up going a few rounds in the ring. I was forced to box a lot when I was a boy. Because I have long arms and quick feet I did quite well. But I never really liked it. I much prefer other martial arts like judo and karate. For one thing I had a nose that bled like a tap. Then of course there was the nagging worry about blood clots and brain damage...

But the real reason I hated boxing was even more basic. As a gay guy I could hardly be expected to fall in love with a sport where you start off looking like this....

And end up looking like dat....

Now dat's a crime...

On the other thing I really like about boxing is when some monkey gets into the ring thinking he's going to fucking kill you. Wipe the canvas with you. And you surprise him by landing a really hard one. Where it really hurts . And there's that look of shock and fear in his eyes that all but screams out "Shit.....I can't believe it......I'm actually going to lose....."

Which I'm happy to report is the same kind of look Stephen Harper was wearing in the House of Commons today . As the damage from the income trust debacle continued to grow.

Except that in his case, that look in his dead eyes was screaming out "Shit.....I can't believe it.....I actually might have been wrong...."

Oh.....How.....Sweet......It......Is!!!!! Great Leader has finally been rattled. His one-man march to a majority has been halted in its tracks. He has been forced to break a promise he made .....on tape. Forced to negotiate with the NDP. His Quebec caucus is on the verge of revolt.

His polls are going south. He won't be able to muzzle his ministers and MPs much longer. Not when those trained seals finally realize they been sucking and blowing Great Leader on the deck of the Titanic. Glug.Glug.Glug.

You know when a palooka finally hits the canvas for the last time there is usually a quick count to ten, before they call the ambulance. I figure in Harper's case the count is now up to at least six.

Which is still about two counts better than his friend and idol Chimp Bush. He's really on the ropes. That dirty war is killing him. Now there's that dirty this.

Hallelujah!!!! Isn't that sweet! Talk about a surprise uppercut. Or in this case a low blow... First the poor little pages. Now this....uh oh there goes the Republican base...

And can you believe that traitor closet queen? He attacks us for wanting to get married. While he's practically married..... to a hustler. He puts down gay sex. But he's the one that pays for it. We don't. For us it's free. Just like we are. Ha ha ha

But then I've always picked up weird vibes from these crazy homophobes. On the one hand I can't help but feel that these wingnuts want to kill me, and drink my blood. On the other hand some of them are so creepy I just know they also want to blow me. And drink my cum. These religious freak homophobes really are a sick bunch!!!

And now the battle begins. As Harper uses our struggle for equality to divide the Liberals. Just days after they choose a new leader. Just as I said he would. The Pig.

But these homophobe's time is almost up too. People are starting to see them as the hypocrites and perverts they are.

The blows of one sex scandal after the other are raining down on them and sapping their strength. Their eyes are almost sealed shut. They're bleeding from the ears nose and mouth. We're closing in for the kill. After all the hate they've spewed. And all the pain they've caused. They'll get no mercy from me. Or my brothers.

Until they throw in the towel. Or bite the canvas. Or die of old age.

And we can finally drag them out of the ring of Canadian history. Feet first and face down...

You might not like boxing. But you gotta love that!


  1. I like watching the boxing. I suppose it is as close to gladitorial combat as a modern society will allow.

    It is primitive, dangerous and one on one confrontation. Would I recommend that someone BECOME a boxer?

    That would be - no.

  2. Anonymous1:35 PM

    This reminds me of going a round with a Tae Kwan Do student...while he was warming up he talked a big game, did lots of splits, jumped around a lot. I just stretched and smiled. In the ring he did a lot of fancy high kicks, and he screwed up by telegraphing a roundhouse kick that went a little high...I grabbed his kicking leg, swept his other leg ((doing that increases the force, making the takedown that much better)), yelled "WHAT'S THE CAPITAL OF THAILAND??" and pulled my punch a half-inch from his balls.

    With the homophobe Conservacons, I don't think we should pull the punch. They threw out the rule book a long time ago. No mercy, no quarter, no prisoners.

    Do unto others before they do unto you. ;)

  3. Hi Beep! One thing I will say about boxers is that many of them are really quiet decent people...out of the ring.I would almost say more gentle than most men. Unlike some of the psychos who are attracted to karate or kickboxing...But the part I hate about boxing is how corrupt the
    pro circuit is. The godfather of the grimy old arena I used to train at in Montreal was no less than the head of the Hell's you can imagine what that place was like. I just kept my head down and punched the bag!

    Hey Jay! What's the capital of Thailand? I love it!!!! I'll try it on Sebastien sometime. Although I wonder if it would be as funny in French? If it wasn't he might not let me win as often...and that could be bruising for my body and my ego :(
    But as for the wingnuts. I agree with you. Along with the other right-wing scum they've gotten away with far too much... for far too long.
    It is time to reclaim our country. By showing them as much mercy as they would show us. Which is of course none at all...