When you start seeing bloggers begin their posts something like this:
I'm not one for self promotion....but I think you should definitely vote for my blog. You ALL should. In fact I BEG you all to vote for my blog.....because I really LIKE it. And my mother AND my Facebook friends think it's really KOOOOOOOL!!!
Besides ....even though some say all the other blogs on the list are better than mine....and even though I nominated MYSELF... and have only been blogging for a few months.... I NEED to win.....because my humble blog is sooooo important to me....and winning would be AWESOME!!!!
PLEASE!!!!! PRETTY PLEASE !!!!! THANX???????
Then you know it's time for The Canadian Blogging Awards.
And this year I'm happy to report that this humble blog was nominated (thanks Scott and JJ) in TWO categories.
And that the first one should be a cinch.
Because while there may be better bloggers than me on the list ....like the scrupulously fair James Bow. NOBODY is as nonpartisan as I am.
I mean I've NEVER seen a politician I liked. Or trusted. I hate them ALL!!!!
Of course ...I hate the Stephen Harper Party more than ANY other party in the entire world. And I consider Great Fat Leader to be the Creature from Alberta's Black Lagoon. A blight on the land. And a foul stench in the nostrils of decent Canadians.
But I don't think much of the dorky opposition either. Stephane Dion may be the best Frenglish-speaking comedic character since Hercule Poirot. But he's a millstone...an anvil....a humungous heavy metal BAGEL around the neck of the Liberal Party.
Then there's Jack Layton who reminds me of a helium balloon... without a string. Where ARE we going Jack? After the nasty neocons I hope.
Hell No!!!! We're going to teach those Liberals a lesson they'll NEVER forget....aargh!!!!
Oh no...now we're not going ANYWHERE...
Or the Bloc...the separatists without a cause....who are so ABSURD they should all be wearing showercaps like Duckman their leader once did. I figure if they're going to be in Ottawa at least they should ENTERTAIN us. Eh?
And as for the Green Party... all I can say is: WHY?
You can't get more nonpartisan than that. So I figure THAT one is in the bag...
It's THIS one I'm worried about. Shite. I hate the smell of defeat in the morning.
But you know ....again ....just because there are better bloggers than me on that list...like Mark and Bruce. and Matt....it doesn't mean you shouldn't vote for moi. On the contrary I think you MUST.
Never mind those goody goody gay boys. Take a walk on the wild side.This country is already DYING of boredom. We need more of that Gay Boy from Green Gables stuff like we need an ENEMA!!!!
You know Sébastien is always saying this about my blogging: "Simon, mediocrity is its own reward." To try to cheer me up.
But for me it's just not SATISFYING enough. I wanna be a contender. I wanna be FAMOUS!!! I want every fat ass blogging ADDICT in this country to tune in to a LIVE feed of me just sitting there TYPING ...and laughing. And shake their heads and mumble...Awesome..... just fucking AWESOME. Over and over again. I wanna be a FRIGGIN BLOGGING GOD!!!!!!!!!
So that's why I need your votes. More than they do.
BTW....did I tell you I love dogs?
And that this old guy is hoping his little heart out that I win?
Because he's very worried that should the unthinkable happen and I LOSE..... I could get sooooo depressed I might forget to feed him.
For a week. Wouldn't THAT be awful?
And I can see how some people might think it would be YOUR fault for not voting for me. So don't. I mean DO.
WTF..... if these people can beat their own drums....
So can I.
Tum de dum tum tum .
Good luck EVERYONE!!!!
P.S. Ok ok ....now that I've had my little bit of FUN....it's still allowed in Canada isn't it? I should be serious for a moment and tell you that I think my friend Mark deserves to win the GLBT award. Because he writes....and draws... exclusively about OUR issues. He puts our cause FIRST. And his really is a KOOOOOL blog!
Maybe next year...