Getting Ready for Global Orgasm Day

First the bad news: there are still FIVE greedy, anxiety filled days to go before Christmas.

Now the good news: there are only TWO days to go before yummy Global Orgasm Day !!!

"Our minds influence Matter and Quantum Energy fields, so by concentrating our thoughts during and after The Big O on peace and partnership, the combination of high orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention for peace could reduce global levels of violence hatred and fear."

Mmmm....you know I've always wanted to make a significant contribution to peace. Instead of just talking about it. And I guess the chance has finally COME for me to HARDEN my resolve, GET OFF...my ass...and just DO IT.

Because let's face it ... this country NEEDS a collective orgasm right now like plants need sunshine. Or Stephen Harper needs an enema. Very very BADLY.

The number of people out there taking themselves seriously is just about out of control.

And millions and millions of orgasms does seem like a good way to shake the world. To try to make up for killing it in Bali.

So I'm ready to do my part. To be on time for once in my life. And ARRIVE...as we say in French.... at the stroke of 1:08 AM Eastern Standard Time.

All I need is my boyfriend .... and a stopwatch.

















EXCEPT... I've got a problem. We're having a PARTY at our place on Saturday night....and instead of just moi and Sébastien. There is going to be quite a CROWD.

Which leaves me with a really HARD question: Is it even humanly possible for eleven men and seven women..... to come at the same time? Let alone millions. Huh?

Oh well. It's going to be fun to find out. Especially if they're REALLY drunk.

And I have asked some European friends to help me synchronize things.

Because ...as you know....when it comes to coming in concert.

Nobody can DO IT like they can...



Oooh la la. Don't you love that fried egg? Now I KNOW we can do it.

In a quieter way of course. No animal noises please... we're CANADIAN.

Ten...nine...eight...oooh...ahhhh...

Have a good O everyone!!!

Stephen Harper and the Monster Man

When I saw that the Cons had released this propaganda photo.....showing Stephen Harper posing as a defender of Canadian children....I almost soiled my diapers.

Not just because NOBODY has done more damage to children and childcare in this country than he has.

But also because any Canadian child that that looked into those cold dead eyes would probably scream and RUN for its life. Help me help me Mommy....it's the Wobot Mwonster Man!!!!

But of course you can't blame the Cons for trying to soften Great Fat Leader's image. Can you?

A new poll suggests Stephen Harper's Conservatives have lost their big lead over the Liberals in the wake of recent controversies, plunging six percentage points in popular support in just one week.

"It's a pretty significant drop on a one-week basis ....We don't see this kind of movement in the numbers very often."

Ouch. Dive. Dive. No wonder they are so DESPERATE.

Bali, Mulroney Schreiber, the nuclear reactor....and they didn't even mention the polling scandal....or Afghanistan. Which is sure to blow up in their faces sooner or later.

But I think there's another reason why Canadians appear to be recoiling in disgust. I think they've taken a close look at Stephen Harper and I wouldn't be surprised if they are starting to wonder whether he is mentally unstable.

And so ended another few days in the public life of Canada's 22nd Prime Minister. Humbled one moment, furious the next, then jovial and smug. No doubt his more ardent supporters will find method in such madness. The rest might be left to wonder why a man two years short of 50 would see fit to comport himself with the instability of a five-year-old. And perhaps his dietician might suggest less sugar.

Or more sunshine ... or some kind of medication.

I mean if a man like that can restart an unsafe nuclear reactor to score cheap political points what's he going to do next? Jail the opposition along with all those pot smokers? Or invade Nepal to please the Dalai Lama?

After insulting him like that.

And why IS he so angry....so cold.....and so NASTY?

You know I think Canadians have had enough of this Chucky Con horror show. I think they've closed their eyes and imagined what Stephen Harper might be like if he ever got a majority. And I don't think they liked what they saw. Shudder.

It's too much like the Mwonster Man.

Oooh...how SCARY!!!!!!

And how AWESOME. Because when it becomes visceral.

Sooner rather than later it's OVER.....

Darren Manzella: Soldier and Gay Hero

Darren Manzella is a U.S. Army medic who decided to challenge the ridiculous Don't Ask Don't Tell policy by telling his commanding officer he is gay. And showing him pictures of his boyfriend to prove it.

Only to be told he isn't gay...and to go back to work immediately.

Because although the Pentagon has discharged 12-thousand gay and lesbian soldiers. Now there's a war on they don't want to lose them. So now they're not just bigots...they're hypocrites as well

Manzella told his story to 60 Minutes the other night and you can watch it here.

And today he explained why.

I have served with many men and women in Iraq, Kuwait and throughout the United States. In my opinion, they do not care if a service member is gay or straight. These men and women are my brothers and sisters in arms and I am the same to them. I know that what matters to most is not the sexual orientation of the person in your unit. What matters most is if that person is a good worker, a team player and most importantly, if that person has your back when it really matters...

Which every soldier knows is true. But still didn't stop the religious hatemongers from mouthing off.

“If the bleeding-heart lefties over at CBS News and the SLDN really want to do something to support our troops and help the military, they should abandon their attempts to radically alter and undermine the armed forces, pipe down, put a cork in it and let our brave fighting men and women win this war on terror.”

And insulting all the gay soldiers who are fighting and dying today. Or all those...and their buddies who fought and died in other wars.

















But of course it isn't just a soldier's story.

As Andrew Sullivan points out the policy is aimed at all gay people.

I guess it's a sad but useful reminder that gay people - even those who risk their lives to defend their country - are still, in the eyes of the Republican base, a sub-moral caste of undesirables, people whose presence in any institution - the military, the academy, the priesthood, civil marriage - inherently debases it. There is, alas, nothing we can do to rebut this - no act of courage we can display, no love we can profess, no virtue we can uphold, no family we can defend to prove our civic equality and human dignity. Our inferiority is a priori for the religious right. It makes us impossible to "bond with," because we are moral contaminants. That's what we've learned this past decade. And it's the only reason the policy remains in place.

Exactly.

Good for Darren Manzella and the men and women at SLDN. Their fight is our fight.

Darren is a gay hero.

The struggle continues...

Talking Jesus and the Blessed Meteorite

Some good news and some bad news tonight from the wild and wacky world of religion.

First the bad news. The Talking Jesus dolls have been flying off the shelves so fast.... they've almost disappeared.

"We feel blessed that the toys are now in the hands of thousands of children, teaching them the word of God.

Lucky children. And the good news?

As far as I know Meteorite Jesus is still available.

" I heard a voice, and it said, 'Look and see if you can see a face,'" he said. "And I looked, and I saw an image of Jesus Christ.....I've had people look at it, and they can't look at it anymore; it's too much."

"I believe science needs to take a look at this and study it to see what it means...."












Er....right.

Or maybe science should just study him. And try to determine once and for all where religion ends.... and madness begins.

Jesus in a tortilla. If we can't wean adults from this nonsense.

Can't we at least protect the kids?

Mulroney, the Bavarians, and the Fate of Joe Clark

I must admit that after I heard The Bloater Mulroney go on about Der Schnitzel Schreiber's amazing anti-obesity pasta....and his plans to fight the fatty epidemic in the United States...and how he was going to talk to Bill Gates about it .... I kinda lost track of everything else.

I was laughing so hard.

But luckily Andrew Coyne didn't.

Now I have my own list of questions. But the one I want answered the most is....did the government of a right-wing Bavarian jelly roll help bring down Joe Clark? And stick the first knife in the ribs of the Progressive Conservative party.

If you want a sniff of that stinky scandal check out the interview with Walter Wolf here.

Now I never would have voted for Joe Clark. And he does seem to have been one of the dorkiest political leaders in Canadian history. More suited to take on Laurier...than engage in the grubby performance art of modern politics.

But nobody can deny that he is a thoroughly honest and decent man....a great Canadian in the real sense of the word. I wouldn't LIKE it if a Joe Clark style Conservative government ruled this country. But I wouldn't WORRY about it. Because I would be sure the best of our Canadian values would be safe in their hands.

Not endangered as they are now in the hands of the Harper Cons.

So I REALLY want to know how a bunch of right-wing Bavarians interfered in the political life of our country....and greased Brian Mulroney's road to power. And of course WHY ?

And I bet a lot of other Canadians would be interested in finding out more about that too.

So we can better understand why a bunch of politicians went from defending our interests to selling them out.

The Bloater, Der Shnitzel, a televised public inquiry, a grubby Con scandal, AND a history lesson. What MORE can we ask for ?

Roll out the barrel.

It's must be Weihnachten in Kanada....

The Basra Retreat and the Leon of Scotland

I see the British handed over Basra to the Iraqi security forces today, and made it sound like it was some sort of victory.

When in fact the Battle for Basra was more like the siege of Kut Al Amar.

A disaster from start to finish.

I mean just ask the police chief.

"They left me militia, they left me gangsters, and they left me all the troubles in the world...."

OK ..... so maybe he's biased after having survived 20 assassination attempts in six months.

But look what's happening to the women.

Their autopsies revealed painful deaths. One woman found in “a red dress” had a 9mm bullet wound in her left hand, three in her right hand, three in her right upper arm, and three in her back. Two of the women were beheaded, one with a saw.

If anyone can call that victory they must be insane. And The Civil War: The Main Event hasn't even started.

But luckily for the chickenhawks almost nobody in Britain was paying attention today. Or wondering how many lives that "victory" cost....or whether it was worth it. Or how the fuck they are going to get the rest of their shrinking force out before the place explodes.

The big topic of conversation today .... apart from the big football match between Arsenal and Chelsea.... was Saturday night's X-Factor Grand Finale. And how Rhydian....the odds on favourite.

Was beaten by the Leon of Scotland.



Wow. Holy kipper. From Whitburn, to a GAP store in Glasgow, to million dollar stardom...or close to it...

"If he's hoping to buy his mammy a house in the Highlands, he may have to wait a while..."

Now I believe ANYTHING is possible!!!

Except victory in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Oh I know. We all want to believe in miracles.

But sometimes we can't...

------------------------------

P.S. Leon says his idol is our very own Michael Buble!!!! Can you believe THAT????

Yup...

The Highway to Holiness: The Sequel

Remember the story about how Pat Robertson and his fellow religious fanatics recently declared Highway I-35 to be the Highway to Holiness?

"The concept is that you can take a highway and establish it as God's kingdom....We want to take I-35 and get rid of all the impurities that Satan and his followers have over the geographic region and the people who live along the highway..."

And how they decided to hold so-called "Purity Sieges" at abortion clinics and gay bars ?

And how at one of those "sieges" a young gay man named James Stabile was touched by a raving wingnut? And turned into a STRAIGHT guy!!!

If you don't remember that shocking scene maybe you should watch this video again....but don't say I didn't warn ya....



I know that after watching that propaganda video most of my friends found it hilarious or infuriating. But I was really WORRIED.

All I could think of was ....what ever HAPPENED to poor brother James?

"He just barely touched me and he said, 'Fire!' and I remember staggering back and I thought I was tripping on acid. It was the weirdest thing ever. And he said, 'Fire!' again and I fell in the Holy Ghost.....I didn't feel the desires to be with men like I had felt before..."

I have to admit that after James said that, I immediately suspected that BAD party drugs were to blame. I've heard that some of them...like ecstasy...can make you so sensitive that if you take off all your clothes on a warm WINDY day... you can cum without even touching yourself.

And I thought that when the religious freak laid his hands on his shirtless shoulders....and shouted "Fire!!!!" ...and BLEW on him... James might have had an unfortunate....um....accident. And an unusual religious experience.

As in .......oooh.....aahhhhhhh.......GEE .... ZUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But it turns out he was just mentally ill.

Which made me feel really bad and really dum. You'd think that after all this time I'd know that religion and mental illness go together like bread and butter...or "holy" desert dwellers and camels.

But never mind.... the good news is that James is back with his loving parents. And apparently he never REALLY left us.

Joseph’s parents said James has a tendency to be less than truthful, especially when he’s off his medication, and that he loves attention. They said they don’t believe he’s ever questioned his sexuality, but that the folks from Heartland manipulated and exploited him for publicity.

Hmmmm.... Which reminds me of yet another reason why I am so proud to be gay.

In any other oppressed group fighting for its life a member who consorted with the enemy...or made propaganda films for them....would be shunned...or kneecapped. Or in his case forced to read the Bible backwards.

But all James can expect when he returns is a lot of hugs, a lot of kidding....and of course if I was there..... a very loud....

"Welcome home...... IDIOT !!!"

As for the Highway to Holiness it's gone back to its old name. The Hellish Highway to Nowhere.

Which only makes sense.

Because you don't really need a map to know where crazy religion is going.

Do ya?

So Now I Know Why I am Gay...

When I was a child I loved the story of Peter Pan....the boy who refused to grow up.

So much so in fact that when my parents took me to a production in Edinburgh at the age of eight....and I saw that Peter was played by a GIRL!!!!

It almost broke my little gay heart.

So you can imagine how happy I was to read this story.

Desmond Morris, who became a bestselling author by applying zoology to explain human behaviour, has now utilised the techniques to put forward an explanation for homosexuality.

In his latest book, The Naked Man, he concludes that men are “made gay” because they retain infantile or juvenile characteristics into adulthood – a phenomenon known as neoteny.

Wow!! EXCELLENT. It turns out we are ALL Peter Pans and we didn't even know it!!

But NEO -- teny? Uh oh. That sounds ominous.

Although I must admit the rest of this dubious theory does seem quite flattering.

According to this theory, gay men also tend to be more inventive and creative than heterosexuals because they are more likely to retain the mental agility and playfulness of childhood.

“The playfulness of childhood is continued with certain people into adulthood. This is very much a positive. Adult playfulness means that certain people, often a fairly large proportion of them gay, are more inventive and curious than heterosexuals.”

Yes that MUST be true. As Sébastien always says as he tucks me into my cradle at night: "Just be thankful for homophobia Simon...because it helps keep you young."

Goo goo gah gah.

Although maybe having to fight for your own freedom all your life....or not hating others like they hate you....does keep you young. So we can run faster than the homophobes can.

And this theory at least isn't as stupid as the mummy loved you too much and daddy didn't love you enough one.

But I do want to make it clear that despite my inner child I do want to grow up. In fact I can't WAIT to be a really mature and serious and wise gay old man.

Or do I ?

Hmmm. Wait a minute. Hold the wire whisk. Did I REALLY say I want to grow up?

I change my mind.

Cmon Tinky you twinky little lesbian. Sprinkle some fairy dust over Sébastien .

And let's go back to Neverland...

Aqsa Parvez and the Curse of Religion

She was a beautiful young Canadian who just wanted to be like the other girls. She didn't want religion. She didn't want to wear a hijab. And now she's dead.... killed by her own father.

Nobody could save her. But everybody has a theory about why she died. The right wing hatemongers are blaming immigrants and Mooslims.

We used to be rude to every immigrant that came to Canada, with the result that most of them got their acts together and assimilated.

Only recently have we begun telling immigrants to maintain their own traditions, and the result is a dead Muslim girl.

If they are wearing "traditional garb" but "don't necessarily want to do so" -- their "masters" will soon come around when we start shunning them everywhere they go.

Other more rational people are pointing at the immigrant experience.

And the head of the Canadian Islamic Congress says it's just a "teenager issue."

But of course the REAL problem is religion.

All of the major ones were written by hairy, superstitious , monumentally ignorant desert dwellers who believed that men were made to rule the world. Or at least the tent where they lived with their camels...and their fifty wives.

And that women were born to serve them.

Or carry their divine seed like flowerpots.
















To be owned ....or smashed.

I mean just checkout what the mad medieval monk in the Vatican is raving about this week.

Nuclear arms proliferation, environmental pollution and economic inequality are threats to world peace -- but so are abortion, birth control and same-sex marriage, Pope Benedict XVI said in a statement released by the Vatican Tuesday

You can't get more patriarchal.....or INSANE than that.

The question is what do we do about it at a time when all over Canada clashes between religious and secular values are fuelling a sometimes ugly debate....before it degenerates into something even worse?

My suggestion? The opposition parties should come up with this kind of motion:

Whereas we in this country believe that everyone should have the freedom to practice the religion of their choice. And we encourage all Canadians to accomodate their differences in a reasonable way. We also strongly believe that if and when religious freedoms collide with human rights, the human rights of Canadians must ALWAYS prevail.

It would draw a line in the sand and send out a powerful message to everyone living here...and those still to arrive That's the kind of Canada we want and if you don't like it too bad .....or don't come.

A bit like this symbolic message Quebec sent out today.

Until the curse of religion is lifted off our backs...and we have a truly secular society....women will never be equal. Girls like Aqsa Parvez will be continue to be abused or murdered. So will gay people. And the world will just get crazier and crazier.

Of course..... I realize it would be a horrible blow to Stephen Harper. He would have to choose between supporting the motion...and losing his religious base.

Or opposing it and losing Quebec and other parts of Canada.

Which means either way he would probably NEVER form a government again.

But hey...if you're trying to head off an ugly problem. Trying to make sure that what happened to poor Aqsa never happens again.

And you end up getting rid of an ugly government....full of religious fanatics.

Isn't that a bonus?

Rhydian and the End of Gay Culture

His name is Rhydian Roberts....and he's the odds on favourite to win this weekend's final of Britain's hideous but mega X-Factor talent show. As well as the pride of Wales.

And not only that. Something even more meaningful.

For years the conservative gay commentator Andrew Sullivan has gone on and on about the end of gay culture.

Which he once summed up in this paragraph:

Slowly but unmistakably, gay culture is ending ....In fact, it is beginning to dawn on many that the very concept of gay culture may one day disappear altogether. By that, I do not mean that homosexual men and lesbians will not exist--or that they won't create a community of sorts and a culture that sets them in some ways apart--I mean simply that what encompasses gay culture itself will expand into such a diverse set of subcultures that 'gayness' alone will cease to tell you very much about any individual."

But after viewing one of Rhydian's videos recently.... he was forced to admit he might be wrong.

Which he NEVER does.

Until he was saved by the bell. The terrible truth was revealed. Rydian isn't just NOT gay. He's a virgin and a devout Christian!!!

I am not a closet Christian. If someone asks me about it, I will talk about it. I do pray on Saturdays but then I pray every day. But what will be will be, it's God's will and that is a great mental attitude to have."

OMFG. No wonder I prefer the originals....



Now THAT'S gay.

Who else could wear salad bowls on their heads...and make it look avant garde?

Or make you want to join the Red Army.

Sorry Rhydian. Until you get rid of your imaginary friend or trick....and that HIDEOUS Hitler youth haircut.

You can't sing for me dahling.

Who says gay culture is dead?