Saturday, December 15, 2007

The Highway to Holiness: The Sequel

Remember the story about how Pat Robertson and his fellow religious fanatics recently declared Highway I-35 to be the Highway to Holiness?

"The concept is that you can take a highway and establish it as God's kingdom....We want to take I-35 and get rid of all the impurities that Satan and his followers have over the geographic region and the people who live along the highway..."

And how they decided to hold so-called "Purity Sieges" at abortion clinics and gay bars ?

And how at one of those "sieges" a young gay man named James Stabile was touched by a raving wingnut? And turned into a STRAIGHT guy!!!

If you don't remember that shocking scene maybe you should watch this video again....but don't say I didn't warn ya....

I know that after watching that propaganda video most of my friends found it hilarious or infuriating. But I was really WORRIED.

All I could think of was ....what ever HAPPENED to poor brother James?

"He just barely touched me and he said, 'Fire!' and I remember staggering back and I thought I was tripping on acid. It was the weirdest thing ever. And he said, 'Fire!' again and I fell in the Holy Ghost.....I didn't feel the desires to be with men like I had felt before..."

I have to admit that after James said that, I immediately suspected that BAD party drugs were to blame. I've heard that some of ecstasy...can make you so sensitive that if you take off all your clothes on a warm WINDY day... you can cum without even touching yourself.

And I thought that when the religious freak laid his hands on his shirtless shoulders....and shouted "Fire!!!!" ...and BLEW on him... James might have had an And an unusual religious experience.

As in .......oooh.....aahhhhhhh.......GEE .... ZUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But it turns out he was just mentally ill.

Which made me feel really bad and really dum. You'd think that after all this time I'd know that religion and mental illness go together like bread and butter...or "holy" desert dwellers and camels.

But never mind.... the good news is that James is back with his loving parents. And apparently he never REALLY left us.

Joseph’s parents said James has a tendency to be less than truthful, especially when he’s off his medication, and that he loves attention. They said they don’t believe he’s ever questioned his sexuality, but that the folks from Heartland manipulated and exploited him for publicity.

Hmmmm.... Which reminds me of yet another reason why I am so proud to be gay.

In any other oppressed group fighting for its life a member who consorted with the enemy...or made propaganda films for them....would be shunned...or kneecapped. Or in his case forced to read the Bible backwards.

But all James can expect when he returns is a lot of hugs, a lot of kidding....and of course if I was there..... a very loud....

"Welcome home...... IDIOT !!!"

As for the Highway to Holiness it's gone back to its old name. The Hellish Highway to Nowhere.

Which only makes sense.

Because you don't really need a map to know where crazy religion is going.

Do ya?


Terry Glavin said...

Highway to Nowhere? But Simon, it's the Highway to Duluth, Home of the Huskies! How could you?!

. . .an excellent, excellent post.

Anonymous said...

Man, I just wanna stand there in my old jeans with my best boots on and my thumb out on that highway and if they ask where I'm going ... nowhere special ...

As far as they believe in, wanna bet how many time I get laid?. I've done it before, I miss hitch hiking. What's that byline on your blog? Speaking truth to the power, we are the power honey.

Anonymous said...

No big surprise here. The ex-gay sham is one of the many, many lies and abuses of the wretched religious right and its criminal leadership. It absolutely sickens me how they continue to get away with exploiting vulnerable people to promote a batshit insane dogma.

Simon said...

Hi Terry!! Thanks I'm glad you enjoyed it. But c'mon NOBODY drives to Minnesota. I'm thinking of the other parts of the highway where you just hope and pray your car doesn't break down. Because if the rednecks or excited christianists don't get you...the cops will !! :)

Simon said...

Hi Bruce!! Wot? I'm covering my ears. I'm scandalized. I had no idea you were like that. I know we're shameless with rednecks is the absolute LIMIT!!!! :)
Seriously though ...hitchhiking is something I've never done...apart from getting a ride to town if my motorcycle of car broke down. I think I'd be too shy to do that. Now what I'd REALLY like to do is get a silver Spyder like James Dean had and drive all the way from Vancouver to San Francisco.
As for my byline....I was thinking of changing it to the one that came up when I put it through the pornolizer. "Deepthroating Truth to Power in the Great White "Jerkoff" North. But if we is the power now I'm confused.. ;)

Simon said...

Hi waterboy!! ...and thanks for bringing that video to my attention. I'm glad our idiot brother escaped from that Straight Camp.Although it could have been worse. He could have been sent to that other "ex gay" camp where they beat cooked chickens with hammers to get in touch with their "inner man." Sqwawk!!!
And you're right about the batshit. When I saw those wingnuts lighting up like bulbs about the power of prayer...I had to struggle against the demon desire to shrink them and hang them from my Christmas tree !!! :)

DFV said...

Thanks for the post. When I first saw the story, my gut reaction was that it was a set-up. In a way, I was right.

What I would love to see is Stabile's parents suing Heartland for kidnapping and entrapment and Pat Robertson's CBN for fraudulently presenting the piece as "news."

Anyone up to contacting Stabile's parents?