Welcome to another edition of Porky Tales, where greed meets despair, and the Sopranos meet the bankers.
And where tonight we juxtapose how the Bank of America treated an elderly couple in Florida.
Seventy-year-old Sharon Bullington may lose her home because she paid her mortgage a week early.
That may not make much sense to the thousands of homeowners who are behind on their mortgages in Florida. But it seems it does to Bank of America, which has filed to foreclose on Bullington and her husband, James, 78, who is terminally ill.
With how they are apparently preparing to grease the wheels of the Republican candidate for President, and right-wing extremist, Rick Perry.
By having some shady looking operative sidle up to him at a meeting in New Hampshire, and whisper in his ear: "I'm from Bank of America and we'll help you out"
Only to have the offer caught on video....
Needless to say, the bank tried to deny it was doing the porky with Perry, but failed hilariously.
And the larger question remains: How could a corporate institution like the Bank of America back a Christianist fanatic with such wacky right-wing views?
And the answer is obvious. They like some of them a lot:
All Bank Regulation Is Unconstitutional: Criticizing the Security and Exchange Commission’s rulemaking process under the Dodd-Frank financial regulation bill, Perry asserts that “if the Constitution were shown the appropriate respect, Washington regulation writers wouldn’t have to worry about underrepresented views, because they wouldn’t have control over them in the first place”
Because like Rick Perry, and Stephen Harper, and so many Con porkers, they HATE Big Government. Except when they get $45 billion in government bailout money, like the Bank of America did a few years ago.
Or when, like the Harper Cons, they get to spend billions of tax dollars buying themselves an election. Tony Clement where are you?
Because it's never about what's good for ordinary people, or human society, only what's good for THEM.
Which at the end of the day leaves me wondering what happened to that poor couple in Florida?
And how anyone, anywhere, can still seriously believe the system isn't BROKEN...
Uh oh. Hold the fruit salad. It turns out Stephen Harper's obsession with everything royal isn't just another moment of madness. It's part of a Con Master Plan to lead us bravely into the future. By marching us back to the past.
Stephen Harper is working to recast the Canadian identity, undoing 40 years of a Liberal narrative and instead creating a new patriotism viewed through a conservative lens.
Restoring the “royal” prefix to the navy and air force this week is just part of the Prime Minister’s attempt at “creating a new frame” for Canada and Canadians.
And not only did this absurd plan spring from the fevered brain of Pierre Poislievre, the Con dick head. It's being blown up the hill by the Con buffoon Dean Del Mastro:
Dean Del Mastro, the Parliamentary Secretary to the Prime Minister, says this is about restoring Canada’s national identity which has been “lost.”
Canada is more, he says, than hockey, “saying ‘eh’ a lot” and drinking Tim Hortons coffee.
Can you believe that eh? Dean Del Mastro going on about our "lost" national identity.
And the glorious vision of our great Con ruler kruller...
OMG. How low have we fallen? Answer: so low that for the first time in my life I have to agree with Jack Granatstein:
“Nobody was pushing for this,” he says. “The idea of rolling back the national symbols to make them more British is just loony. Who does Harper think he’s appealing to? The NDP has attacked this move as has the Bloc [Québécois] so maybe he’s made his enemies come out. But I’m not his enemy and I’ve come out.”
Although I must give Harper SOME credit. After pedalling backwards furiously, like a circus clown, he's finally caught up with Dr Roy.
Take that trudeau. We will slowly, but surely undo your trudeaupian nightmare vision of Canada.
Because that Con idiot has ALWAYS called Great Ugly Leader HM PM, Her Majesty's Prime Minister.
Now throw Del Mastro a royal donut and think about that one eh? A Prime Minister who would play games with the future of our country for cheap political advantage. By turning it into a colony or a Banana Republic.
And then ask yourself how far back into the past do these Con apes want to take us? Why do they hate Canada so much? Why do they want to turn a young country into an old country? What are they on?
And where did they come from?
No. I knew it. There is no reasonable explanation.
But did you hear that monkey say "My name is Steve"?
And then start carving himself a stone toilet.
Doesn't THAT sound horribly familiar?
Yes. It's sad but true eh? Sometimes art does imitate reality.
When Stephen Harper said he'd change this country beyond recognition, he meant it.
Canada in the 21st Century, going backwards into the future...
When the riots broke out in England, I thought it would only be a matter of time before they spread to Glasgow. Because that city has a lot of poverty and inequality, and some of the toughest street gangs in the world.
Gangs that regularly charge at each other armed with baseball bats, knives, machetes, and swords. And have more facial scars than you dare count.
So when the city wasn't sacked by the so called ned hordes, I was puzzled. And glad to see that I wasn't the only one wondering, why didn't Glasgow burn?
Now I think Taylor is wrong to dismiss the progressive policies of Scotland's SNP government which has refused to dismantle the social safety net, unlike the Cons in England. And she probably doesn't give the Strathclyde police force enough credit for the tough but progressive way it has worked to reduce gang violence.
But this is true:
Officers with experience in the field say the nature of gang violence in Glasgow is completely different to that of London and Manchester. For a start, it's primarily all about the fighting. Not drugs, gun-running or bling, just what cops north of the border call "recreational" violence. The pure enjoyment of the fight, Clockwork Orange-style. Guns aren't prevalent in Glasgow but knives certainly are, which in itself changes the nature of the violence.
I know because when I was a boy one of them stabbed me after a football game. And for years I loved fighting too much myself.
Also, sadly, this could be true as well:
The drugs of choice among the young and deprived in Glasgow are also relevant. No matter how strong your constitution, heroin and excessive alcohol are not conducive to having the motivation to get off the sofa and go looting a couple of miles away.
Because it is a measure of the despair that afflicts so many young people..
And yes, this is entirely possible:
One cop I spoke to had a different, more prosaic take on why the riots didn't reach Scotland. "The rain was bloody torrential, biblical, for days," he said. "What wee ned's going to leave the comfort of his X-Box and his bottle of Buckfast for that?"
Because sometimes you get lucky eh?
But for how long?
Oh well. The good news is Glasgow didn't burn. Nobody was hurt. The neds taught me some useful tricks to use against the bullies later in Canada.
And when Sébastien accuses me occasionally of being too wild or hot headed, I can still make him laugh by saying how can you say that?
It has been a horrifying spectacle, watching the pinky faced David Cameron morph from a socially liberal Con into a red faced authoritarian.
Nearly 2,800 people have been arrested so far. In London alone, about 1,000 people have been charged in connection with the riots.
Jordan Blackshaw, 20, and Perry Sutcliffe-Keenan, 22, were each sentenced to four years for trying to incite a riot using Facebook, although the events they attempted to organize did not actually take place.
Demanding that anyone who had anything to do with the riots be jailed, praising the outrageously harsh sentences being handed down by the courts. Calling for the internet to be monitored or shutdown.
Cheering the police.as they batter down the flimsy doors of council homes looking for juvenile offenders and their stolen runners...
And wanking on ad nauseam about how the riots had nothing to with poverty, but were all about "criminality" and "moral rot."
While conveniently forgetting to mention the moral rot that afflicted his privileged youth, when he was a member of the Bullingdon Club.
The club's notorious dinners typically involve members booking a private dining room (under an assumed name) and drinking themselves silly before destroying it elaborately. They wear royal blue tailcoats with ivory lapels, and - having made merry - pride themselves in politely paying the restaurant's owners compensation in high-denomination banknotes.
Now the Guardian has revealed the truth about the rioters. Yes, many of them are poor.
He found that the majority of people who have appeared in court live in poor neighbourhoods, with 41% of suspects living in one of the top 10% of most deprived places in the country. The data also shows that 66% of neighbourhoods where the accused live got poorer between 2007 and 2010.
And the truth about the sentencing. Yes, it's a travesty of justice.
The Guardian's data also shows that 56 defendants of the 80 who have already been sentenced by magistrates were given immediate prison terms. This 70% rate of imprisonment compares with a "normal" rate of just 2% in magistrates courts.
Public order offences are leading to sentences 33% longer than normal and those convicted of assaulting police officers have been jailed for 40% longer than usual.
I don't expect any of the above will move Cameron. He is too busy trying to turn the riots into his 9/11 moment. Playing to the angry mob, and appealing to emotion rather than reason.
But when he's not playing Churchill, as played by Mussolini, he might reflect on the real irony of the situation.
Many of the young yobs who stole things from shops are not just afflicted by poverty and hopelessness, they are also dyed in the wool members of the Me Society, the jungle utopia Cons are always trying to promote. Where selfishness, greed, and consumerism rule, and the individual is more important than the community.
No other generation in history has been more targeted by advertisers. From the moment they were conscious they have been bombarded with messages telling them that if they want to belong, if they want to be happy, they must buy, buy, buy.
The poor kids bought the message; greed isn't just good it's necessary. They watched bankers steal millons and get away with it, so when the opportunity arose they followed the The Pied Piper.
All the way to their destruction...
Just like we'll all be destroyed if we allow Cons to turn human societies into jungles. And give them an excuse to create a police state. Where the rich can grow comfortably richer, and the poor just get poorer and poorer.
That's the good news. It's a useful warning.
And the bad news? Far too much of what is going on in Britain is looking like a war on the young...
And that can happen here. Or has already happened.
Why do you think that after that drunken riot so many older Canadians echoed what this woman in Britain said?
The day after, I stood in the riot debris and an elderly woman stopped for a chat.
She lamented the state of Britain's youth and suggested one way to deal with it. "They should bring back ... execution," she said grimly drawing a finger across her throat.
Why do you think Stephen Harper is building all those new prisons? In a country where unemployment among young people is twice the national average. Why do you think cracking down on young, underprivileged Canadians is so popular in this aging country?
Yup. The rich are eating the poor. The old are eating the young. The system is eating itself.
And what we need to remember is this: the Cons are the enemy.
And whether we're young or whether we're old, we're all in this together...
Even though once again he didn't see it coming, and he doesn't know what he's doing.
When I think about how the Harperites helped stall the economy by spending the money not on long-term jobs, but buying themselves an election.
And how Tony "Flaps" Clement is now in charge of slashing jobs in the civil service AND the new Minister of Con Ethics.
Prime Minister Stephen Harper, far from being troubled by Mr. Clement’s tendency to get into flaps, rewarded him after the election by putting him in charge of the ministry responsible for ethics, transparency and accountability in government.
When I think of Rob Nicholson on the Politics show yesterday, looking like Big Brother, with a tartan tie, as he shrugged off criticism about his crazed plan for mandatory sentences.
Or dismissed concerns about the government's plan to allow the police to spy on us more easily. You know this story.
Even though this Big Brother plan was never debated in Parliament, and would mark the beginning of the end of internet freedom in Canada.
And I think of all of the above. And then I read this.
It's almost more than I can bear eh?
I mean who the hell are all those people who don't think Stephen Harper is the worst Prime Minister EVER? What parallel universe or jungle do they live in ? And do you feed them or WATER them???!!!!
Oh well. One day many of them will realize their tragic error. Their mistakes will flash before their eyes, as their country crumbles, and we all go down together.
And all I can say is, I hope it will be a REALLY bad movie.
OMG. How pathetic. More evidence that Stephen Harper wants to drag this country back to its colonialist past.
Look, if our ridiculous would be dictator wants to put on a pith helmet and pretend he's Lord Stephen of Alberta and Etobicoke, that's his problem. And it should remain between him, the voices in his head, and his psychiatrist.
I mean goodness knows he's worn funny costumes before...
Like my fave, Hopalong Harper, the nerdy Sheriff from Toronto.
Or Chiquita, the Queen of Con Canada...
But putting on a cowboy hat or a fresh fruit basket is one thing, putting on a pith helmet or a tiara, and dragging us back to our colonialist past is simply unacceptable.
I have no problem calling the Canadian army, the CANADIAN army instead of Land Force Command. I'd even say it's about time. But this royal bullshit is absolute baloney.
It's bad enough that our Parliament is lorded over by some English Queen. It's embarrassing enough that so many Canadians fawn over royalty, like groupies do Britney. Or kids do their dollies.
It's more than unfortunate that some of our proudest regiments, like the Van Doos, must bear the word "Royal" and swear allegiance to monarchs who don't even live here.
But generations of our people had to struggle for the right to be Canadians not British. For the right to fight and die as Canadians, and this is a giant step backwards.
It's just pandering to the old who refuse to give up their nostalgia for a Canada that doesn't exist anymore. A Canada where men ruled, women knew their place, and gays were jailed.
It will alienate Quebecers and young Canadians, who don't give a damn about the monarchy. It will make our country look even more tired and boring.
And let's be absolutely clear, the only reason the Cons are doing this is to try to hurt the NDP, and pit English Canadians against Quebec.
It's just cheap divisive politics. We need less monarchy not more.
If Stephen Harper wants to dress up as an English General, or Lord Steve of Alberta and Etobicoke.
He can screw himself royally. Or dance like a dolly.
At this colonial ball...
But I won't be joining him at that mucky muck party.
Because I'm not interested in our royal past, only in our future as a truly independent nation.
The Canadian navy should be the CANADIAN navy. The Canadian air force should be the CANADIAN air force.
Golly Sherlock. I see the strange case of Tony Clement and the Muskoka Millions has taken another sensational and porky turn.
Inspector Angus may finally have solved the baffling mystery of how Tony-o, Boss Harper's favourite hitman, managed to spend soooooo much of OUR money, in such a short time, in his OWN riding.
The NDP accused Treasury Board President Tony Clement Monday of using the G8 legacy project cash as an "elaborate slush fund" and deliberately trying to avoid scrutiny from the auditor general.
Oh. My. Gazebo. Can you believe that? He whacked the census. Because he said one complaint was too many. He's been trying to kill the needle clinic in Vancouver for years. Even though it saves lives. Now he's accused of trying to buy an election, by squirting tax dollars all over his riding, like a farmer spreads manure, or Tony Soprano divides the moolah.
Even as he prepares to slash government to the bleeding bone with a tiny humming chainsaw...
Gosh Sherlock. I'm impressed. What a villain. Do you think I can now call him the Moriarty of the Muskokas? And look forward to the public inquiry?
Don't be absurd Simon. You feral fool. The real Moriarty would be laughing his arse off because he knows Tony-o is going to get away with it.
Can't you colonials understand ANYTHING ??? Your Cons bought themselves a majority. The Auditor General's office can't smell the pig excrement, because fear of Boss Harper has clogged their nostrils. Most of your fellow Canucks don't care because they're too defeated, too divided, too lazy, or too dumb. So resistance is FUTILE !!!!!!!!!! Now pass the smack because I need some badly.
Gee Sherly...I'm sorry you feel that way. But surely things are not as bad as that? At least Tony-o is not tweeting tonight.
Yes Simon...but he will....he WILL. The horror. The horror.
Oh goody. Because when I saw this bizarre request:
I tweeted back: Sorry Tony no can do. But how about a juicy slab of pork from the Gazebo BBQ ? Now admit it Sherly. Wasn't that EXCELLENT ?
Simon...I'm warning you...I may have to jab you in the eye with this syringe if you don't shut-up. Or beat you over the head with this bottle of brandy. After I polish it off.
But before I leave this accursed country, and head back to sane old Britain, and good old Watson, please try to remember what once I told you:
A Con is a Con is a Con.
They bribe you with one hand.
And strangle you with the other...
Of course, after Sherly returned to Britain, on a stretcher, and in a straitjacket, I said to hell with that. I'm not biting off my hand eh?
Why don't we just organize, unite, and prepare to stand-up to those porky Cons?
Before they rob us blind. Before they steal our country.
As you may know, I believe that our hairy ancestors made a catastrophic mistake by letting themselves be seduced by the aggressive, violent, male supremacist chimpanzees.
It could be the oldest, not to mention the messiest, break-up in history. When humans and chimpanzees split up along the path of evolution, they carried on having sex for as long as 4m years
Instead of going out with the more civilized bonobos, where females rule, all live peacefully together, and have sex all the time.
The bonobos, chimp-like apes who live in matriarchal family groups and frequently use sex to resolve social conflicts, defied expectations by beating the group of chimpanzees in intelligence tests, because the chimps were too busy fighting among themselves for dominance.
Oh.My.Gorilla. Did you see you see those dumb male chimps fighting instead of concentrating on the test? Didn't they look ridiculous? And isn't that TYPICAL?
Groan. Sometimes its soooooo embarrassing to be a guy.
Oh well. All I know if I was one of our hairy ancestors.
I would have told the chimps to keep their bananas.
And gone out with the bonobos...
Because that's a hunky monkey eh? Big fingers are nice, but intelligence is better.
And at least I know something many of my fellow male apes don't understand. Yet.
If women ruled the world it would be a better place.
It's bad enough living in Stephen Harper's Canada. The darkness. The insanity. The double think. Those cold dead eyes that seem to follow you around. Jason Kenney. The horror. The horror.
But trust me eh? If Big Steve Brother ever gets the power to rummage through your computers, and find out who you are, and where you live, it will be even WORSE.
Under current laws, internet service providers (ISPs) can voluntarily disclose customer information to the authorities, but they are only required to do so if served a warrant. Bill C-52, Section 16 (1), would supersede this liberty, and force providers to disclose consumer information to the authorities without a court order. Making matters worse, Bill C-50 would enable the police to intercept “communications” – as vaguely defined by Bill C-51 – without a warrant as long as they deem the intervention necessary.
This shift toward warrantless investigations removes court oversight from the monitoring of wired and mobile internet, and allows law-enforcement authorities, without justification, to have a free hand in spying on the private lives of law-abiding Canadians.
Now I understand why police might want additional powers to track down terrorists or perverts. It's entirely reasonable. And if they're reading this I wish to add that I am not, and never have been, a card-carrying member of Quebec Solidaire.
But if they suspect criminal activity they should get a warrant, because if they don't these new powers are sure to be abused.
And to make matters worse the Cons will almost certainly get their hands on that personal information, and use it against their enemies.
Or use its existence to suppress on-line dissent. Just like they design cynical strategies to suppress the vote.
Gawd. Orwell would be impressed. War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. Dimitri is a genius. And anyone who calls Big Steve a tyrant, must be a TERRORIST.
