Another Big Win for the Matriarchy

As you may know, I believe that our hairy ancestors made a catastrophic mistake by letting themselves be seduced by the aggressive, violent, male supremacist chimpanzees.

And dating them for soooooooo long.

It could be the oldest, not to mention the messiest, break-up in history. When humans and chimpanzees split up along the path of evolution, they carried on having sex for as long as 4m years

Instead of going out with the more civilized bonobos, where females rule, all live peacefully together, and have sex all the time.

And this new study only proves my point.

The bonobos, chimp-like apes who live in matriarchal family groups and frequently use sex to resolve social conflicts, defied expectations by beating the group of chimpanzees in intelligence tests, because the chimps were too busy fighting among themselves for dominance.


Bonobo female trump chimps in test by tvnportal

Oh.My.Gorilla. Did you see you see those dumb male chimps fighting instead of concentrating on the test? Didn't they look ridiculous? And isn't that TYPICAL?

Groan. Sometimes its soooooo embarrassing to be a guy.

Oh well. All I know if I was one of our hairy ancestors.

I would have told the chimps to keep their bananas.

And gone out with the bonobos...

Because that's a hunky monkey eh? Big fingers are nice, but intelligence is better.

And at least I know something many of my fellow male apes don't understand. Yet.

If women ruled the world it would be a better place.

And judging by the chimpy state of our planet.

It can't happen soon enough...

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P.S. Please try to raise awareness about the plight of the gentle bonobos.

We may have stood them up once. But they can still teach us so much.

Humans, War, and the Killer Chimps

Oh dear. This is the kind of story that can make life seem like a jungle.

You know how humans love to wage war, slaughter their neighbours, and steal their land?

Well now we know who to blame for those bad habits. 

After years of field observations in Uganda's Kibale National Park, John Mitani of the University of Michigan and several colleagues have concluded that chimps wage war to conquer new territory.

But of course, sadly, we are also to blame. Because it takes two to tango.

And as I once explained, we really should have gone with the bonobos. 

The Pan troglodytes chimps he studies are one of two subspecies. The other is called Pan paniscus, also known as bonobos, and, says Mitani, "the latter, as far as we know, aren't nearly as aggressive with respect to intergroup relations. Yet they're equally close to us."

Who prefer to make love not war. With everyone. All the time.

Instead of dating those violent  chimps.

And look, not only do those hunky bonobos  prefer sex to killing. They also share their food.

What a concept eh?

Oh boy. Some mistakes you can recover from....like Stephen Harper and his Cons. Just flush them down the toilet and start all over again.

But when you make the kind of monkey mistake we made so long ago.

It can haunt us FOREVER...