Friday, September 01, 2006

Big Jesus and the Barbarians

I used to love pictures like this one when I was a kid. Big White Jesus surrounded by all his little white children. And hopefully a donkey or two.

It wasn't as good as the story of Little Black Sambo, with the tigers who turned into butter. So Black Mumbo could make pancakes out of them. But I have to admit it felt good to belong to a cult that seemed to care a lot about children. Then I grew up of course, and discovered that I was sadly mistaken. Big Jesus may have loved children. But some of those who claim to speak in his name clearly don't.

Can you believe that story? Talk about putting crazy dogma and fetus worship before the life of a real child. And that bejewelled freak isn't just a Colombian Cardinal. He's the head of the Vatican Pontifical Council for the Family. Heil Radzinger! Holy Escobar! Is that a Church or a Cartel?

But it gets worse.... these religious fanatics don't just like to fuck with young lives. They like to beat the shit out of them as well.

Look don't get me wrong. I hate all kinds of religious fanatics. Like these Muslim martyr freaks.

I wonder how many Jewish children they've blown up. I only hope that when a gay soldier dispatches them to Paradise, they won't find any submissive virgins waiting for them. Just a dyke motorcycle gang armed with 14-inch depleted uranium strap ons. God have mercy!Ouch!

Or how about these rabid rabbis?

After all the dead children in Lebanon you'd think they would have the decency to keep quiet. And besides where on earth did they get the ridiculous idea that Christianity and barbarism don't go together?

I remember how my religious fanatic of a history teacher used to lick his lips, when he described how the Crusaders killed so many men, women, and children in one city, they had to wade through a river of blood.

Or how about the pious polygamist freaks who like to throw their male teenagers into the street?Turn them into Lost Boys. So the older men can have their way with the really young girls. Forget about Big Jesus sweety pie. From now on you worship Big Daddy. Barf.

Look I don't care if these religious extremists kill each other. In fact, I'm quite in favour of that. The more the merrier. Onward Christian soldiers, death to the infidels, fifty wives ain't enough, whatever...

I also don't mind if they want to have kinky sex in the privacy of their own homes, of course. By mortifying themselves to a pulpy orgasm. in the name of Jesus. Go for it. And please don't be gentle either. Smack. Whack. Ooooh. Aaah...

But will these twisted monsters please do us, and the future a favour?

Keep their filthy poison out of our lives.

And keep their filthy hands off the children.


1 comment:

beepbeepitsme said...

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