Thursday, March 02, 2006

Blogging Fools and Mexican Murders












What an idiot I am. What was I thinking? First I write a post demanding that bloggers raise their standards so high, I couldn't possibly meet them myself. And end up looking like a blogging fool. Then I prove that I really am one! By trying to delete a post, and accidentally deleting my blog. Going. Going. Gone. Poof.

Any more mistakes like that and I'm going to have to give up the blogging game altogether. Before they take away my amazing flying machine, and force me to pedal the one above.

Oh well. Live and learn. I was sorry to lose those first forty posts, the election stuff, the homeless woman, the one about the heroes of Bomber Command. And of course, my amazing pictures and all. (sigh) It's going to be a long road back.

But there are some advantages to starting again from scratch. Now I'm a man of mystery again, a man without a past. I don't have to pretend I'm intelligent anymore, like all those other bloggers. I can just write what I want.

Although that may not be as easy as it sounds. The boys in the bunker are giving me a hard time. Farm Boy was delighted to see my blog just disappear. He thinks blogging is just a kind of dating game. Despite the touching look of concern on his angelic face, his laughing eyes betrayed him. He couldn't conceal his glee. He'd like me to do a travel blog instead.

As for Sebastien and his friends, they've got big plans for me too. They want me to turn this blog into a fighting gay machine. And hammer those bigots day after day. They claim they don't speak English well enough, or they'd write it themselves.

So I'm torn. I'm being pulled in different directions. I'll have to take some time to decide what to do. I do want to serve The Cause. But I also want to have some fun. Besides. right now I just can't be serious. Not after what happened to my blog. Not the way things are going in Canada these days. I'd stick out too much.

I mean the planet is going to rat shit, it's civil war in Iraq. Our soldiers are playing roadside bomb roulette in Kandahar. Stephen Harper is strangling our childcare plan. Ralph Klein is threatening to take a chainsaw to our medicare system. The dreaded bird flu is quacking at our back door.

But what are Canadians really concerned about these days? Why who killed that couple in Mexico?

I mean it's the Big Story. You can't get away from it anywhere. Everyone is talking about it. Everyone's got a theory.

One of my early ones was that we were looking at a case of double suicide. After 48 hours of Montezuma's Revenge, and that wedding banquet looming larger by the minute, I thought the unfortunate couple had just taken the easy way out. Worse things than that happen all the time in Mexico.

That theory was after the wildly popular one about the muscular dyke hit squad. Or the one about the traditional Aztec pre nuptial ritual that went terribly wrong. But before the one about the maid and the mop. Turns out she was only in charge of washing away the evidence.

I must admit for a while I was stumped. But since I'm a huge fan of American Justice, that didn't last long. Knowing that dreadful place so well, and watching this clumsy coverup unfold. I can only conclude it must have been one of these peso sharks Maybe one of the ones they didn't fire? Or maybe it was just bandidos pretending to be the....er....good guys?

Whatever. It sounds like a case for our new Minister of Public Insecurity. I think he's admirably equipped for the job.









Yes. Doris can reassure all those anxious Canadian tourists in the Mayan Riviera with a commanding display of his Seadoo skills.

As for me, after what happened last night. Maybe I should go down there too, and provide even more comic relief.

As Doris scoots across the water, I can pedal up and down the boardwalk in my little Ford Flyer. Shouting "I'm an idiota, I'm an idiota. Otra cerveza por favor."

But at least I'll be in good company. With all the fuss about that silly little story.

I'm clearly not the only one.

7 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:57 AM

    I’m having a good chuckle over this, smooth move… You’re not a man of mystery anymore, you’re just like everyone else and having a blog gives you a chance to prove it the entire world. It’s a good thing you’re cute.

    I keep trying to find ways to use my blog to make a difference in the world, I suppose that’s because can’t I keep my own sense of self-importance under control. It can’t be done unless it’s a full time occupation, I’m not smart enough to pull it off part time. I’ve often thought that I could increase readership tenfold if all I talked about was what I had for lunch and posted pictures of my cat.

    Welcome to the world of blogging, a world that might seem futile at times but it’s still a voice like nothing the world has seen before, you might as well use it. I like what you have done so far, you really don’t come off anywhere near the idiot you might think you are.

    By the way, I’m not buying your line that deleting the blog was a mistake, Blogger has it set up so that it has to be a deliberate action. I know, I’ve done it, I deleted a years worth of posts and people gave me a lot of grief for it. Turns out they liked my stuff better than I knew. So don’t do it again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10:15 AM

    One more thing; back up your template to a Word file every time you change it. That way you will at least have your links and other sidebar stuff if something goes wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous11:36 AM

    Simon, I wondered what had happened. fortunately, Klutz is not a permanent condition and is not transferable, so the prognosis is good.
    As to how you should position your blog, that's your decision. The boys in the bunker need to understand that you need to do whatever is comfortable for you. I'll like the blog no matter what, as I like the way you express yourself, but a one hook topic can limit the scope of your readers.
    As to the Mexico situation, I don't think this is a Natalie Holloway situation. These folks were middle aged Italo-Canadians, not a pretty white girl American, and there is obviously a coverup going on that involves accusing other Canadians of heinous crimes without any viable evidence. That makes it a crime against forensic procedures, as well as an attempt to protect the local tourist industry. While I have no problem with their attempts to diffuse concerns about tourism, I do have a problem with the issues surrounding the case that could, possibly lead to some other tourists suffering the same fate because this had not been professionally investigated. For example, my senior citizen sister and husband have a time share in Cancun. should I worry that they might be in danger because the Mexican police have not taken, to my mind, adequate steps to apprehend the perpetrators in this case?
    I'm sorry you lost your archives, but don't despair. Give the boys in the bunker some hugs, and send directions. I can be the Grandmom.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous12:46 PM

    Probably a djinn in the machine...
    for more on this.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous1:49 PM

    Like he said:

    "Klutz is not a permanent condition and is not transferable, so the prognosis is good.
    As to how you should position your blog, that's your decision."

    Blog on...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous8:58 PM

    Simon, glad it was a glitch that caused you to disappear and not just saying fuk it. A co-worker of mine was staying in the same hotel where the murders took place. She gets back Monday so maybe have a few intimate details. Glad you're back buddy.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hey Everyone

    thanks for cheering me up and making me laugh. I must admit I was a bit depressed. There was only a couple of posts I would have liked to keep. But it's just that the thing was so sudden. I had only just begun a post when my hand brushed the mouse. The cursor just happened to be on publish. Whammo it was gone. Then I thought uh oh it'll appear like that on the blogroll I just joined. All those serious bloggers will be shaking their heads and saying "Oh boy is that fag a dummy, or what? Or thinking it anyway.So sweat running down my brow I just panicked I rushed to delete it,hit and confirmed the delete button, suddenly realised what I had done, but by then it was too late. With just 3.2 GHZ it was gone in two seconds. Bang just like that. I couldn't believe it. But I'm laughing now. It's good to have blogger friends like you out there.
    And don't worry I won't do it again Although I'm fiddling with the template so anything might happen. BTW I'm going to rely heavily on that djinn thing for my defence.
    But somehow I feel I'll still be found guilty of being a klutz.

    ReplyDelete