Thursday, March 16, 2006

Emperor Harper and the insanity of it all

What on earth is going on? I leave the country for a couple of days and when I return I find the right-wing hordes baying like dogs at the moon, in a foamy uber patriotic state bordering on insanity. It turns out that Harper's trip to Kandahar wasn't just a little photo-op. It was nothing less than a national mission statement! Barf.Yikes. I had no idea it was that important. No wonder he didn't take a taxi to the airport.

Then there was Margaret Wente getting all squishy in her pay to read Globe column.

"As you watch him greet the troops in Kandahar you'd have to be a stone not to feel proud."

Ugh. Peggy no problem. Just call me Montreal Rocky from now on.

But it gets even worse. Even the usually fairly restrained John Ibbitson gets carried away in a cloud of right wing vapours. He says it's all part of Harper's plans to deconstruct the federal government, demolish the national myth, and lead a new and more aggressive military into one country after the other, as part of the so-called War on Terror. And Ibbitson thinks that's just great! Huh?

"For half a century now Canadians have seen themselves as a nation of peacekeepers.But the age of peacekeeping is past."

...."Many Canadians will see this as strident jingoism -- even nascent imperialism, an echo for them, of the ravings of the Bush White House. Others will see it as a refreshing attempt to define the national identity."

Jingo what? Huh? Eh? I had no idea we had such a serious identity problem. But then Harper and his neocons have been going on about that for years.

What they really mean is we're not the United States. The neocons think that's a bad thing. Luckily for Canada and the world, most Canadians don't agree. Yankee Doodle Dandy. Nobody wants a Mini-Me U.S. The real one is bad enough.

So I'm not worried about that. What disturbs me is that that when I left Canada two days ago Harper was just a pretend President. Who the hell crowned him Emperor in my absence?

I realize that his Excellency doesn't take kindly to criticism. But will someone in his party please summon up the courage to tell him that he's not a real Emperor either. At least not one with any clothes. Tell him that he isn't even wearing a majority. And that he's deluded if he thinks he has a mandate to take this country in a radical, right-wing direction. Any more of this crazy talk and we'll be forced to figure out a way to impeach him. Like the Americans are talking about doing to his friend. Where does Harper think we'll follow Chimp Bush -- all the way to Venezuela?

Any more of this Canada Uber Alles stuff and we'll be the laughingstock of the civilized world.

But at least Ibbitson had one thing right when he wrote:

"This Conservative Prime Minister wants Canadians to change the way they view Canada.

Many citizens, including many opposition politicians, have not grasped how powerfully Mr Harper embraces this ambition. If this trip doesn't make them see it, nothing will."

Exactly. If the dumbos from the MSM had done their job during the election campaign, and asked the questions they should have asked, this never would have happened. Harper's extremist right-wing views would have been exposed.
And he never would have been elected to any office higher than small town raccoon catcher.

But now at last the ugly truth is revealed. Hallelujah! Now every Canadian knows where he wants to lead us. Even if most of us have no intention of following. Now we can concentrate on what we have to do to make sure he meets his Waterloo.

Oh yes. I hope Emperor Harper enjoys his brief moment in the sun. I hope he gets a French chef to replace the one he fired. So he can stuff his face with cream puffs while he works on his demented plans for world domination. Our lily-white Emperor Jones and his equally pathetic media chorus. May his reign be short and troubled.

Until the glorious day that he's toppled by a free and proud to be Canadian people, and exiled to some godforsaken place like the Magdalene Islands

Where he can munch on raw mussels, and gophers, for the rest of his life. Kerrunch. Kerrunch.

Hail Harper indeed.

Don't make me laugh....


Anonymous said...

Simple question, what the heck is Harper doing in Afganistan? Shouldn't his priority be to get his government house in order? Oh, wait, Focus on the Family is taking care of that little detail.

Anonymous said...

Hell yeah. Totally sane saracstic way of looking at our secretely shovinistic, nazzi, minority prime minister.

By the way about peace keeping Canada. Peace keeping ideal died in Rhuanda. Bottom line.

Cheers! Keep up the good word!

verits said...

You know the only thing that completes your metaphor any better is Harper playing piano to his cronies and anyone who would afford the event while Canada burns. YAY YUPPIES!