Wednesday, March 29, 2006

President Harper and his trained seals

It was a creepy little afternoon in Ottawa. First there was President Harper entering through the back door, to avoid the dumbo media camped out at the front door. Where Canadian Prime Ministers used to make their entrance. A man alone with his thoughts..... and his bodyguards

Then there was a short "media opportunity" as the Conservative Ministry of Propaganda calls news conferences these days. Not in the National Press Theatre where Canadian Prime Ministers used to hold newsconferences. But in front of this far more muscular background. With a bodyguard and a rent-a-cop posed like props

Hail Harper. I feel safer already. What kind of message do you think they trying to project?

And then there was that Tory caucus meeting President Harper went to next. And whipped up in to a freakin frenzy with some rube arousing talk. I couldn't believe how hard those cabinet ministers and caucus seals were clapping their flippers. It was a flapping flipper frenzy. They seem to be competing to see who could clap the loudest. It reminded me of those Communist Party meetings in the Soviet Union, with all those pathetic stooges huffing and puffing and sweating like pigs but not daring to stop clapping -- or else.

And then to cap things off there was the sight of those same cabinet ministers and caucus seals running from the media, rather than risk saying anything that might offend Great Leader. And cause them to be summoned to the northern White House (formerly known as 24 Sussex Drive) for a tonguelashing or something worse.

Although in my humble opinion being told what to say by Sandra "Coca Cola" Buckler is about as low as you can go. She says they're posing Harper like that to show Parliament off to the people! Like it was just another prop. Instead of the house of democracy of the Canadian people. Where Prime Ministers don't act like Presidents. And elected representatives don't run from the media, like racketeers at some kind of organized crime inquiry.The only difference being these cowed cons don't mumble "ask my lawyer." They mumble " ask my leader."

Oh yeah. It's a creepy little show alright. I mean where is V when we need him? I'd be quaking in my boots, if I wasn't lying on my back, gasping for breath, trying to stop laughing.

I mean, who does President Harper think he is? The Prime Minister of a minority government in a Canadian Parliamentary democracy? Or the president of some kind of authoritarian Banana Republic?

How dare he inflict this Karl Rovian production on the helpless Canadian people, at the end of a long winter. At first I thought it was a Republican version of the Prisoner of Zenda --the one written for war crazy chimps. But if that's open and transparent government as Great Leader wrote upon the wall, I think we're looking at yet another remake of Animal Farm. The Neo Con Version.With Harper as Napoleon. And Sandra Buckler as Squealer. And Myron Thompson as himself.

Where stirring slogans like


are amended to say .....UNLESS WE ARE IN POWER

Seriously though, you really have to wonder. If President Harper is acting like this now. With only thirty per cent of the vote. Imagine what he might be like if he ever got a majority. Kind of brings to mind that memorable moment when the savage dogs are unchained by the pigs, and set upon the other animals --or some of them?

It's clear that Harper is aiming for an early election, to take advantage of the favourable dynamic in Quebec, before it shifts again. The good news is that this kind of authoritarian governing style will go down like a lead balloon in la Belle Province. Unlike English Canadians, Quebecers still like reporters. They don't like to see them put down, or cutoff as Harper did to some French reporters today. The issue got big play. If they keep it up it will only get worse. Vive la difference!

As for the dumbo media, the lazy idiots who practically elected Harper I hope they've learned their lesson too. Maybe now that their dizzy love affair has ended so suddenly and tragically Boo hoo. Sob. Sob. They can start asking Harper some real questions about his radical plans for Canada before the next election. Who knows those bozos might even stumble across a hidden agenda.

But at least they'll learn that it's just a waste of time and energy to chase those Conservative seals all over the place. To try to corner them and try to ask them questions. When all they are allowed to do is bark and clap, and look pathetic. It's practically inhumane. The next thing we know Bardot will be here.

No far better to take pity on them. Give them a fighting chance. Feed them enough sardines to keep them going. Give them big plastic balls, and teach them some tricks to please Great Leader.

Then settle back and enjoy the show. It's going to be a chiller of a thriller. A surrealistic dark comedy, with a bit of farce thrown in for good measure. But make sure you catch it while you can.

Coz I got a feeling it won't last long...It's too crazy for that.

Encore! Encore!

Woof. Woof. Clap. Clap.

1 comment:

  1. With only thirty per cent of the vote.

    Actually 36.3% of us "lazy idiots" voted for him.

    You're not trying to out-Rove Rove are you?