Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Chimp Bush and his monkey show

I turned on the tv today to check the weather, and was stunned to find myself watching this monkey show. Although it turned out to be a lucky break, because it was a King Kong of a show!

Bush was acting so funny and out of control I thought he had fallen off the wagon. Until he started wriggling his nose and sniffing heavily, like one of those talking gorillas in Planet of the Apes. Then a terrifying thought entered my mind. What if he was trying to knock a rock out of his nosehairs and into the back of his throat? What if the Chimp was snorting coke?

Although please tell me that doesn't really make any sense. Does it? If he was really back on the blow he would have invaded North Korea by now. And he hasn't even got to Iran.

Still it really was a good Bad Monkey show, and Bush really did act weird. He was fidgety and edgy and super aggressive. He seemed to be getting a kick out of putting down reporters and cutting them off. He was obviously a man under a lot of stress, wound up and ready to explode. But when he was wasn't looking really worried nothing could wipe that evil smirk off his face. Except Helen Thomas, of course. When she asked the Emperor has no clothes question. The one nobody had dared ask him before.

"Why did you really want to go to war?"

You can read all about heroic Helen, and about the far less heroic performance of most of the MSM at Antonia's excellent Iraq Anniversary post.

I too was shocked and disgusted by the wimpy questions of the White House media. What a pathetic performance by that pack of trained seals. Hold the sardines. How could anyone not challenge this absurd remark?

"Mr Zarqawi and Al Qaeda, the same people who attacked the United States, have made it clear that they want to drive us out of Iraq, so they can plan, plot and attack America again."

But nobody did. The way I see it they are either too scared or too stupid to be journalists. Instead of just sitting there with their flippers crossed, they should be given a big plastic ball, and sent off to frolic with the dolphins.

Then there was the comic relief....

"We're making progress because we have a strategy for victory."

Now that's funny. Sounds like the same strategy for victory the Fuhrer had. The day before he shot himself.

But of course there is some method to the madness. Karl Rove, Bush's sinister puppet master, makes sure of that. It's called setting up a straw man, and then knocking him down.

Kind of reminds you of what our President did during his visit to Kandahar. Doesn't it?

I guess it's a case of monkey see, fat monkey do.

Which reminds me that the moneybags who run the Republican Party have a real Bad Monkey problem. How to keep their riled up Chimp under control, before he takes them all down. Not to mention the American Empire. I figure they have two choices.

One, they can fire Rove and get a stricter animal handler.

Or two, they keep Rove and get themselves a smaller monkey. I think they may already have one in mind. Or two.

The way I see it we can't lose. Either the Chimp is kept on a short leash and regularly abused.

Or he's too shrunken and diminished to worry about. They can keep him busy for the rest of his term for the price of one of these.


Not the painting, the banana.

Yeah I like the sound of that.

"....You can put them in a salad, You can put them in a pie..."

Or the sound of this.

"Hey Rove. Give that mini chimp a teeny bit of banana. And make sure that piggy Harper doesn't eat the rest..."

Now if only I could figure out what to do with those flunky media seals....

Anyone in Newfoundland got any ideas?


  1. "I'm a war president". George W. Bush.
    That pretty much sums up the reason for invading Iraq. Chimp is such a pathetic, pathological liar, and not even a very good one at that. With all of the available information, his statements are so easy to compare and verify. A pathological liar though truly believes what he says. There is no other explanation for this shocking stupidity.

  2. He really is a lousy liar, I think that maybe the only things he was ever good at were drinking and snorting coke. He should stick with his talents.

  3. Bruce, I think he was even a lousy coke snorter and booze artist too.