Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Stephen Harper's Traitors and Chimp Bush's Al Qaeda Friends

What a crazy world..... In the House of Monkeys the brutish yankee-style neocon Stephen Harper accuses the opposition of being "soft on terrorism" and of "denigrating the police."

And then goes even further.

"Any party that doesn't take the national security of Canadians seriously will never be chosen by Canadians to form the government of Canada," Harper told reporters.

As if the democratic opposition was betraying Canada and its values, like the yankee loving traitor Harper. Instead of defending them, as the New York Times points out.

"Lawmakers have only to look to the Canadian court for easy-to-follow directions back to the high ground on basic human rights and civil liberties."

As well as reminding us that Harper's demagogic and fascist argument about security is exactly the same as the one Chimp Bush used.... to try to turn the U.S. into a police state.

"That is just the sort of argument the Bush administration used to ram the excesses of the Patriot Act and the 2006 Military Commissions Act through Congress, and offered as an excuse for other abusive policies, like President Bush’s illegal wiretapping of international calls and e-mail."

The same criminal Bush administration...the one that Harper and his neocons follow so slavishly.... that in the name of the Great War on Terror is now secretly funding Al Qaeda

"According to investigative reporter Seymour Hersh, the Bush administration, with Saudi Arabia, is secretly funding radical Sunni groups - some with ties to al-Qaeda - to counter Shiite groups backed by Iran. Moreover, this is being done without any Congressional authority or oversight."















So let me get this straight..... First after they are attacked by a group of Saudi Arabian Sunni religious fanatics ....who planned 911 in a Hamburg mosque....they launch the Great War on Terror by attacking Iraq the only secular state in the region. And the one keeping Iran in check.Then they help install a Shiite Islamic republic that is really a puppet of Iran. Then they allow Israel to make heroes out of Hezbollah in Lebanon.


Now they find themselves facing a Shiite conspiracy stretching all the way from Iraq to the West Bank. So together with Saudi Arabia they start funding Sunni extremists ...some of whom have ties to Al Qaeda. The same group that triggered the Great War on Terror by attacking them in the first place.

Huh? Is that crazy or what?

Just as crazy as Harper is when he attacks the integrity of decent Canadians standing up for our precious Canadian values. While he does everything he can to destroy them.

But at least we now know how to destroy him and his ReformCon Party. By linking Great Fat Fascist Leader to Chimp Bush as firmly as these stooges are...












Every time Great Fat Leader opens his dirty fascist mouth .....real Canadians should reply by asking him why is he trying to rape the rights of women and minorities? Why is he trying to destroy the future of our children? Why is he pimping for the oil patch....instead of trying to save the planet.? Why is he trying to rig the courts by stacking them with right-wing crazies? Why is his government crawling with his crazy theocon homophobe friends? What is his hidden agenda? Why oh why does he want a majority so badly?

And above all....why is he trying to destroy our beautiful country and its values and turn us into a stooge version of Chimp Bush's Amerika?

This isn't politics any longer....it's war. It's a matter of survival.

Because until Harper and his ReformCons are deposited head first in the garbage can of history. Canada won't be Canada again.

And nobody in this country will be safe....

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Jesus' Tomb, the Big Lie, and the Virgin's Pizza

















Holy shit! Hold the communion wine. It looks as if Jesus didn't fly to heaven after all.

A documentary by the Discovery Channel claims to provide evidence that a crypt unearthed 27 years ago in Jerusalem contained the bones of Jesus of Nazareth.

Moreover, it asserts that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, that the couple had a son, named Judah, and that all three were buried together.


I guess they must have scrubbed the mission. Or maybe he missed his flight....although I don't know why he didn't hitch a ride with his lover Mary Magdalene. She could fly too....couldn't she?

As for Judah....I'm jealous. You see when I was really young ....and really naive.... I also thought Jesus was my daddy....

But I was very disappointed...

Shortly after that I realized that religion was just ignorance and superstition. As well as homophobic, crazy violent, and cruel shite.

And that only Beep knows what religion is REALLY all about. And only Peter Pan can fly...

Anyway...I see the wacky wingnuts are calling it a Titanic fraud. But what do you expect? Religion is a big business...and it's bad for the bottom line to have all those billions sitting on a Big Lie. Just like it's bad for a ship to sit on an iceberg.

Besides that's not what I hear.... My spies tell me the Vatican is in a panic. With just about everyone sending out their resumes. Even the Nazi Pope.

They tell me he's just about ready to say yes to that offer to become a fish sandwich blesser for Kentucky Fried Chicken...


















But he'll get used to it and adapt. Just like the "Virgin" Mary has.

She is going back to her first love.....baking.

Hey! I'd order a pizza from that place....wouldn't you?

Oh yeah....she'll survive the collapse of the Christian church...if they leave her alone...to bake her tarts...and she doesn't get knocked up again...

But as for these young Polish monks....I'm not sure their new act is going to work...but you be the judge...




Nah....it's not going to work...if they want to make a living in the post church world...they're going to have to take off a lot more than that.

Which reminds me I'm taking off too...I'm whizzing off to Israel...to look for Jesus' bones.

Religion may be twisted shite. And the last thing we need at this time in history. But business is business.

If you thought Anna Nicole Smith's little bundle of joy was worth a pile of bucks. And the object of an obscene stampede to get hold of her and her money.

Hang on to your ju ju dolls..

You ain't seen nothing yet....

Monday, February 26, 2007

The Homophobe Zombies of Jamaica: The Video
















About a week ago I told you a scary little story about the Homophobe Zombies of Jamaica. And how riot police had to rescue three gay men from a mob of 2000 people....who wanted to kill them.

Well now I have the scary sequel..... A video of the attempted lynching...courtesy of another Jamaican freak.

The report by a local station was shot off a tv so it has pretty bad video. And I have no idea what those crazy homophobes are screaming. I don't speak Zombie ..... "chi chi man...a nuh fi wi faith...battyman fi dead...." or whatever that ugly "language" is.

But at least you can get a real idea of what it must have been like to be there...



Wasn't that special? Can't you feel the hate? Are they savages or what?

Needless to say the video wasn't exactly a hit in the bunker. Farm Boy said after that seeing that he'd never have a shit again. He'd have a Jamaica.

Even Sebastien was really angry too. I've rarely seen him so mad. He wants the Canadian government to file a protest with the Jamaican government about the persecution of gays. And he says straight people in Canada should boycott Jamaican owned hetero-only resorts like Sandals. Until they learn their lesson.

Hmmm....good luck..... I told you he's a hopeless idealist...

But as for me.... I'm just glad it's now on video for all the world to see.... what a filthy, bigoted, dangerous country Jamaica really is. And really ignorant too.

"A by bwoy dat. Cause anus is anus and man nuh fi go de soh!

Uh oh...there's that Zombie language again....I don't know what it means.....except for the "anus is anus" part... but even if I was straight I wouldn't go there and find out...unless you can pack an Uzi with your bigot repellent and sun tan lotion...

Seriously though....I'm also glad that the video will make it real easy for my poor gay and lesbian brothers and sisters in Jamaica to apply for refugee status in Canada. And be accepted without any questions. Just by saying .... I'm gay and I live in a cannibal place called Zombie Island...the homophobe toilet of the world.

Now all I can hope for is that Rita will finally put her foot down and have my beautiful Bob Marley reburied in Ethiopia.

"It was a dream of Bob Marley and it is a dream of the family to bury him in Ethiopia. As we believe in what is to be, must be, it will happen in due course...."

It can't happen soon enough for me. Bob's first fans outside Jamaica were gay people.

He loved Jamaica but not that one...the One Love one...not the Crazy Hate one.

The people of that Cannibal Island don't deserve him...

I on the other hand deserve everything....so remind me to play the tape again for Sebastien...

Before we go to bed....

A fi nuh wi go a by bwoy battyman dat one ...you Zombie homophobes...

Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Stephen Harper Bug and the Armageddon Game

I think I finally figured out why so many Canadians still don't realize how dangerous Stephen Harper really is. Why so many still think Great Fat Leader is just a ruthless politician. Instead of what he really is.... a secret religious fanatic and neocon monster who would tear this country apart.

At first I thought these Canadians were all idiots or ReformCon scum. To dum to know or care. Too greedy and willing to sell their country for the price of a tax cut. But now I think it's also something else...

I think that the reason many Canadians don't realize how dangerous Stephen Harper really is .....is because he's like a bug that the human body has never seen before....















So the body doesn't attack it, like it needs to be attacked, and the infection spreads...

I think a lot of Canadians are too decent to understand that Stephen Harper isn't like any other politician in Canadian history. He's the most dangerous political extremist this country has ever known.

Because he belongs to an apocalyptic church known for its fanatical missionary zeal, Great Fat Leader plays politics like an all or nothing Armageddon Game.

Stephane Dion isn't just the Leader of the Opposition. He's the Antichrist. Harper doesn't just want to defeat the Liberal Party. He wants to destroy it. Great Fat Leader doesn't just want to make his mark on Canada. He wants to change it beyond recognition.

And he'll do anything to win.

When you cross a Karl Rove Wacko with a Wacko Religious Fanatic you get a really ugly and dangerous beast...

The good news is that after his Great White Zombie outburst in the Commons this week. The one even the Globe called a "wild attack" ......Canadians are starting to take a closer look at Stephen Harper. Just like the body does when it finally recognizes a dangerous bug...


And a lot of them don't like what they see.

"Sadly, Harper's vile and baseless attack on Bains is the latest in a series of sleazy pre-election attacks by the Prime Minister and his party and raises the question of just how low he will stoop in his bid to cling to power.

Clearly, Harper has adopted a take-no-prisoners style of governing in which all political opponents are seen as enemies who must be eliminated at any cost."

I think most Canadians are going to come to the conclusion that it's Harper and his ReformCons who must be eliminated at any cost. If Canada is going to live.

And that Great Fat Fascist Leader can never be a Canadian Prime Minister. When he governs to divide rather than unite. And acts like a mad dictator...too crazy to control himself.

But now that Harper has made himself the issue again. I humbly suggest that it's time for the democratic forces in this country to attack him and his hidden agenda with everything they've got. And of course smear him just like he smears them. Won't that be fun?

And the best news is.....when a country recognizes an alien invader....just like the human body does. And learns how to destroy it. After that we'll all be vaccinated.

And the dirty neocon infection will be gone for a generation...

Bye Bye Con.

Bye Bye Bug....

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Hunky Harry and the Bullet Magnet

Uh oh...I knew the situation in Iraq was pretty bad. Now it isn't good enough just to blow people to bits with car bombs. Now you've got to cremate them as well....

But I didn't realize it was THAT desperate.








The thought that the young drunk prince could become a bullet magnet .... instead of a chick magnet ....is almost too hard to bear. All I can think about is saving Private Harry.

You see.... once I realized he wasn't Charles' son...but the son of that polo instructor...I've always had unusually warm feelings....for the Queen's hunky bastard grandson.











Any royal who can whore his way through the West End of London like he does. Drink himself stupid...smoke dope.. get into drunken brawls...and be photographed dressed in a nazi uniform...with a rum and coke in one hand and a cigarette in the other.... is my kind of royal. Heil Harry!!!

But NOT the kind of royal we want to send to Iraq.... when there are other royal swine. Who could go instead.

"What to do with Prince Harry, an able-bodied 23-year-old with the academic qualifications of a turnip? Given his skills, ability and need for an injection of decent press, his options are limited, so the logical choice is to send Harry to Iraq - although, if the royals had gone with their emotional choice, they'd have sent Princess Michael of Kent."

Not because the royal turnip doesn't deserve to go to Iraq....

In the run-up to the war in Iraq, Harry was accused of terrorising peaceniks at Eton.
"He tore my anti-war badges off," one pacifist complained. "One time he kicked me in the arse," another claimed, "and called me 'peace-loving scum'."


And not just because going into battle...or to the latrine ....with six SAS bodyguards...might make the other soldiers jealous.

Or because once Harry discovers there are no birds OR bars in Basra, ordinary Iraqis will have to lock up their liquor cabinets...as well as their daughters. Which could make them even more ungrateful than they already are.

But because he's .......um........so well endowed...


















I mean ... I'm happy he was so glad to see me that day ...but imagine what kind of video the headchoppers of Iraq could make if they ever got hold of Harry?

Ouch. I don't think we're ready for that. It would be too demoralizing. People might think we're on the edge of the abyss.....instead of on the brink of victory

No I think we should just save everyone...and keep Hunky Harry at home. Doing what he does best. Doing his part in the Great War on Terror. By entertaining us royally on the home front. Drinking....whoring....brawling...

And of course, playing a lot of polo, and making the horses jealous...

















But if the unthinkable does happen...and Prince Harry does go to Iraq...I only hope that the Old Queen and his ugly stepmother Camilla will knit him a set of tube flackjackets big enough to do the job.

If we can't save Iraq. And we can't save the Iraqis from the Americans. And the Americans from the Iraqis. Or the Iraqis from the Iraqis. And we can't even save the rest of the prince.

Let's at least try to save something...

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Stephen Harper and the Great White Fat Zombie














Yikes! It finally happened just like my voodoo idol told me it would. Great Fat and Crazy Leader's mask finally fell off. And it wasn't a pretty sight. It was a real live horror show!!!!

Bedlam erupted Wednesday after Prime Minister Stephen Harper suggested Liberal opposition to controversial anti-terrorism measures is aimed at protecting a Liberal MP’s relative from investigation in the Air India bombing.

Whew! What a relief. For a while I was afraid Canadians were too dum to understand the difference between a Canadian prime minister ......and a US-style neocon nerd with a bizarre and sinister authoritarian streak....and a messianic determination to change Canada into a yankee jungle.

"The online survey — conducted among a random group of 1,000 people from Feb. 15 to Feb. 19 — reported 46 per cent said Harper would make the best prime minister."

Huh? Any dummer than that and you'd have to water those idiots like plants...

But now I'm sure even those dumbos understand that this Great White Fat Zombie isn't who he is pretending to be....that he is REALLY weird...and has a really dark side...
















"Sometimes Stephen Harper just can't help himself....

"The leader who talked himself into trouble over Alberta firewalls and Atlantic Canada's "culture of defeat," the one who derailed his election chances late in the 2004 campaign and almost blew the winning conditions on the eve of the 2006 vote, was back in fine self-immolation form yesterday..."

Oh no..... isn't that awful? The Great White Zombie....is bubbling in his own fat.

Just as he was building up a little momentum and looking for an excuse to call an election...so he can rig the courts and populate them with right-wing crazies and homophobic religious wingnuts...he turns into an ugly evil monster..and eats his own tongue. Mwahahaha!!!

Now he's fucked. Now everyone knows what kind of a coarse and brutish right-wing demagogue he really is.Now he'll never get a majority. Now he'll even have trouble calling an election. When Canadians hear the word election come out of his hissing zombie mouth...and see that weird look in his dead eyes... they'll either scream and run. Or come after him with pitchforks.

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people go after Great Fat and Crazy Leader now. I think they'll want to know a lot more about the man he really is. And always was.

I think they are going to ask a lot of questions about his wacky religious beliefs....and what he used to say before he started pretending to be a nice guy...

I'm sure Canadians are going to want to know what his secret plans for Canada really are. And why oh why does he want a majority so badly?

And so they should. The Zombie started the fire. Let's see if he can stand the heat....

In the meantime will that ridiculous Great Fat Nerd stop pretending he's some kind of strongman leader. And stop jumping Stephane Dion.....coz it's starting to remind me of this....




Shame on him!!!

Now if only we could teach Dion...

How to do the doggy back....

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Blogging for the Tories and Judy the NDP Idiot

I must admit I got a horrible shock the other day. When I scrolled through the Blogging Tories...and saw my own words staring back at me from the middle of all that hideous blue. Some Tory blog had posted something I wrote about the nerd Dion being bashed like a pinata.

And not just any old Tory blog. The monstrous uber right-wing homophobic succubus from Alberta...... the Politic.com The horror....the horror..

At first I thought it was just a bad dream. Then I was devastated. It's one thing to bash the right wing conspiracy and quite another to publicly bash the lefty one. I could see myself having to explain over and over again that NO...I'm not a Ted Moron supporter you idiot. Or of course I'm NOT a homophobe. Or even worse...I could see myself NEVER getting laid again....

But then I thought what the fuck. Why don't I just say it like it is? I hate all the politicians in this country. I think they're all a bunch of idiots and clowns.The Tories, The Liberals and these days even the NDP. I mean just look at Judy Wasylycia-Leis and the Goodale fiasco. If that's not a klown show what is?

After torpedoing the Liberals during the last campaign by calling in the RCMP. And then flapping her wings and screeching like some demented hen....demanding that Ralph Goodale step down over the income trust leak. And making it appear as if the corrupt Liberals were even more corrupt than they really were. And by so doing helping pave the way for a Harper victory....that has almost destroyed our country.

After all of that ......Judy wants Ralph to apologize to HER? Huh? Wot?

I'm afraid that NDP idiot doesn't quite get it.... I think she's the one who should apologize to the Canadian people. And I'll personally settle for nothing less than this....




I expect her to crawl on her knees from Ottawa to Winnipeg and back again.


To apologize to every Canadian she encounters along the way...even raccoons and roadkill...

And to stop every ten miles and flog herself with a studded leather belt...so she knows how gay people feel having to live in Stephen Harper's Canada. Thank you Judy!!!!!

Then and only then I just might forgive her. But I doubt it....

And I'm sure history won't either...

And oh yeah....I think she should also shave her head. If it's stupid enough for Britney....It's stupid enough for Judy.

And then get a brain transplant so she understands that the Conservatives are the real enemy...not the idiot Liberals.

Until then I guess I'll have to settle for small victories....like the story of this young gay blogger in Toronto....who like so many other gay kids sometimes has trouble coping with the bigotry of this world.

But has been asserting himself by starting this gay site. And decorating his bedroom door.

Isn't that great? Isn't he great? Of such small victories are bigger victories made...

As for the Blogging Tory problem...I better make it clear where I stand...to them and everybody else.

Or maybe ....coz I got to get back to studying for my exams......I better let the Toronto band Billy Talent explain it for me...


Yup...that's my kind of politics....my kind of flag...and the only party line I follow. I think cheap political games at a time like this are criminal. And that Harper is playing chess, while the opposition dumbos are playing checkers.

I think those dumbos are doing a rotten job. I think all the old people in this country are fucking with our future. Because they'll be dead while we burn....

As for the Blogging Tory succubus problem ....I'll just make sure that whoever else I bash...I'll bash the ReformCons extra hard ....in every post.

So they'll never run my stuff again....

Now can I please get laid?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Stephen Harper and the Fascists

I've got to hand it to Great Fat Leader. Nobody else would have had the nerve. To tell students at a Catholic high school how our soldiers fought the fascists at Juno Beach. And then head to the House of Commons and start acting like a wild eyed fascist himself.

If you watched question period you know what I mean.....it was a frightening sight. When an obviously rattled Harper stood up and started shouting at the top of his voice about how the liberals "hated the police." And how Dion was "soft on terrorism." And how he intended to let police officers choose judges who were "harder on crime."

I thought he'd cracked....like he did years ago...after his first stint in Ottawa.... before he was "born again." But then I realized that's just how neocons and fascists speak....

"Without law and order our nation cannot survive"

And act....

"As soon as by one's own propaganda even a glimpse of right on the other side is admitted, the cause of doubting one's own right is laid....
....The greater the lie, the greater the chance that it will be believed.....
The victor will never be asked if he told the truth... "

Adolf Hitler

That's what this shabby operetta is all about. First they portray Dion as a wacky nerd frenchy soft on crime weakling and Bin Laden stooge.Now they're building up Harper as Great Fat Leader Strongman. Seig fucking Con nerd ...isn't that a laugh?

But of course..... all Harper is looking for is a wedge issue big enough to trigger an election. And if he insists on acting like a fascist looking for a battlefield...I suggest that the opposition take a page out of the Soviet anti-fascist handbook from World War Two. And not give him one.

Stage a strategic retreat.,delay, change, and scorch the earth. But don't give him an excuse to call an election. Don't block anything. Don't bring down the Cons. Wait until the fall...

By that time the slight momentum he has now will have evaporated. The budget tax cut bribes will have been forgotten. The bodies of French-speaking soldiers will have been coming back from Afghanistan all summer. Bye bye Quebec...And when it's really hot and stinky Canadians tend to take global warming a lot more seriously than they do now.

And the opposition parties can use the time to get their act together. And come up with a simple message to hammer home: that Stephen Harper and his extremist neocon homophobes and wingnuts would change this country into another jungle like Amerika. And attack them just like the Cons are attacking them. Instead of playing patty cake with them

Let me give you an example...When the nasty neocon bore John Baird screams like a queen about everything. Don't even bother to argue with him. Just remind people he was the Minister of Workfare in Mike Harris' thug government.

And when he was finished waging a brutal war on poor people and young people...Toronto looked like this....












And still does....(click on pic to enlarge) now it looks like Amerika...now there are homeless people everywhere. Now it's a jungle of winners and losers...

If John Baird and his brutish inhuman neocons could do this to a city...imagine what they could do to a country...and our beautiful Canadian values..or just ask Der Fuhrer....

"Struggle is the father of all things. It is not by the principles of humanity that man lives or is able to preserve himself above the animal world, but solely by means of the most brutal struggle..."

If Stephen Harper is acting like a fascist now... imagine what how he would act like if he ever got a majority.

If the opposition can't get its act together, and stop fighting itself....this country is in trouble.

And what Der Fuhrer fascist once said about Canada might even turn out to be true.

"Even an idiot could run that country..."

If we ever allowed that to happen.

Imagine what that would say about us...

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Killer Kiss and the Tres Gay Musketeers

It may look like Siberia out there...Great Fat Leader may be about to stage a coup by ignoring the will of Parliament.

Al Qaeda may be planning to bomb Alberta. (If they need a map I've got one.....)

And judging from Chimp Bush's newsconference today...we're about three weeks away from Oil War Three.

But here in the bunker I've got a more immediate problem. How am I supposed to study for some exams I've got coming up...when I don't have any Mars bars?













I need them along with coffee and cigarettes to fuel my drive for excellence....after slacking off for months. But they've been banned in the bunker ever since the company that makes them put those homophobic Snickers ads on during the superbowl.

Ads like this one...



Oh yeah....the killer kiss...You know people who react to the sight of two men kissing with disgust.... or homophobic violence......are sick fucks who need to have their heads examined. Any company that produces that kind of message deserves to have its products boycotted.

But I have to admit this Mars bar ban is really hard on me. Not only am I going to flunk my exams. But it's practically an assault on my Scottish heritage. I mean after all....we're the proud inventors of the deep-fried mars bar.

Not only is it not a myth..... it's practically a culinary tradition. In some parts of Scotland going out to dinner means fish and chips for a main course. A deep fried mars bar for dessert with cinnamon and vanilla ice cream.....and of course forty shots of whisky and beer.

But before you laugh...just remember we also invented penicillin...

And I KNOW you want the recipe... mmm....with tomato sauce too....and ice cream....OR french fries...

Anyway...the good news is...it looks as if those homophobes have learned their lesson. It turns out the same company makes another bar The Three Musketeers. And not only is it larger...

It's new ads are a lot more......um.......gayer....



Worse in straight ...better in queer.

Definitely funnier. Definitely gayer. It's ok to laugh at us....and at some of the things some of us do. Even portray us sometimes as wild sexual animals. I certainly am.

Just remember that we also painted the Mona Lisa and the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel...

As for those Tres Gay Musketeers....does anybody out there know...

If you can deep fry them?

The Skeleton Lovers and my Valentine Card













I forgot to pick up a Valentine's card today. So I decided to make my own. And when I saw this picture of these two lovers still together after 5000 years...I figured I got it made.

So I spent hours carefully photoshopping Sebastien's head and my head on the picture and then added a little caption:

Happy Valentine's Day Sebastien!

I hope we look like this 5,000 years after we die.... But right now I just want to LIVE with you forever!!!!!!!

And then I read the story...

Mantua's archaeological office said in a statement Tuesday that, in some cases of the period, the wife would be sacrificed when her husband died and buried with him. However, the statement said that "at the current stage of research" there was no evidence that this was what happened to Mantua pair....

Uh oh....I should have known it was too good to be true. They didn't call them neolithic for nothing. Where do you think neocon comes from?

But with half an hour to go before midnight what could I do?

Except add a few more words to the card:

But if anything ever happened to you. I wouldn't mind being sacrificed...I'd want to be dead too...

Love

Simon

Hmmm....I dunno....it doesn't sound quite as good as the first version....

And I forgot to mention....as long as I get to sleep on the right side of the coffin.

But it's probably true...just kill me gently...coz I'm a fool for love.







Happy Valentine's Day everyone...gay and straight...try to make it an every day thing. One day a year really isn't enough. Whatever this Grinch says.

And if you haven't found your all-year Valentine or one-night Valentines yet.

I hope this is the year you do....

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Stephane Dion and the Walking Pinata















I think I'm going to have to stop watching Question Period....or maybe even tune out of day to day coverage of Canadian politics. It's just getting TOO ugly.

I am not a supporter of Stephane Dion and the Liberal Party. But I hate bullying of any kind. And the Wacky Professor is starting to look like a walking pinata.....two wacks away from getting his stuffing knocked out.

It's brutal.....it's like dog fighting...I can't even watch it. Somebody call the SPCA. As the ReformCon assault continues....and Quebecers laugh at him. The poor know-it-all nerd can't even defend himself.

He can't make a clear and simple point....stay on message or even deliver it. He may speak better English than the Little Thug from Shawinigan. But because of the way he speaks it's much harder to understand. A cartoonist in Quebec used to portray Dion as a rat. But to me he looks and sounds like a mouse on crack.

But at least now some Liberal Bloggers seem to have snapped out of their state of denial . And realized that yes Houston....there is a problem.

This opinion isn't meant to sound defeatist, but I think it realistic. If I had to quantify Harper's chances for re-election, I would say there is an 80% likelihood.

Or have they?

No mention of The Mouse's pathetic performance. No apparent understanding of how fucked they are.

Dion can't jump on Great Big Fat Leader's plan to give Quebec all that dough and decentralization...or look like the Great Centralizer....and The Grinch. He can't oppose him on the environment because when he was Environment Minister he did nothing. He can't fight those juicy tax cut bribes. Because when it comes right down to it, Canadians like those a lot more than Kyoto. Yum.Yum. He can't accuse Herr Harper of having too many socons in his ReformCon Party. Because his party is full of them.

He can't even draw a firm line in the sand on Afghanistan...because he's got The Patrician Mortician Ignatieff....

So if I was Dion I wouldn't even talk about an election...... I would play for time.

Delay, change, but don't block anything the Harper government proposes.

Think of it as a strategic retreat. Anything can be changed later. Anything is better than a Harper majority government.

The Liberals could then use the time to teach Dion how to deliver a simple five-point plan in sentences no longer than five words. And how to talk instead of squeak.

And they could also try to come up with a way to stay on a simple message: That Stephen Harper and his extremist neocons and fellow religious fanatics would change Canada beyond recognition into a right-wing jungle just like Amerika. And help torch the planet. By blowing the Chimp and his gang in Washington...and pimping for Big Oil in Alberta. If you love Canada..... you gotta hate them.

If you wanna win...you gotta kick em in the nuts...

Or something like that...I leave it up to them. I'm not a pimp for the Liberal Party. All I want to be reassured of right now is that somebody will have the guts to tell the Wacky Professor that he's squeaking like a mouse.

And that we need an election, like he needs a scarf....
















To hang himself with...

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Canadian Homophobes, Gay Rebels, and Gay Slaves

Well I see that the story I wrote about in my last post..... about how almost 20 percent of Canadians hate gay people so much they don't even want to be our neighbours.... went down like a lead balloon.

I thought it was a good story

Homophobia was by far the main source of bigotry in most western countries: over 80% of bigoted people in Northern Ireland and Canada, and 75% of bigots in Austria, the USA, Great Britain, Ireland and Italy wouldn't want gays or lesbians as neighbours.

I thought it was interesting that homophobia had finally been quantified. And that now we REALLY know we are the most hated group in Canada. And that this country isn't the tolerant place that so many people think it is...


But I was just about the only one. Almost nobody picked up the story. No straight people. No gays. I guess the truth hurts too much....

I can understand why straight people...on the right and the left...might not want to publicize the story. Because of what it says about them. But as for gay people I can only blame that on our slave mentality....















After growing up in a homophobic society, and finally finding a safe space of their own, many gays and lesbians just want to live their lives. They don't want to be gay rebels. They don't want to rock the boat.

They can somehow accept that so many heteros hate them ...and take it for granted. They settle for less than others do...like slaves. As long as nobody whips them or kills them.


Oh Mammy Mammy they say. It could be so much worse.We could live in Russia.

Even Sebastien wasn't too excited or sympathetic. "You can't make people love us Simon," he said. And went back to reading the paper.

And as for the other gay guys in the bunker. No gay rebels there either. All they wanted to talk about was Anna Nicole Smith. Vomit. All I can say about that is thank fucking god for CNN's Jack Cafferty.

Although I notice he wasn't anchoring his In the Money show today. So I wonder if he's been punished for telling the truth that hurts.

Just like all real rebels are.















So that's why I am so disappointed.... that Canada still has so far to go. That so many people still hate us. And so few people seem to care.

I wanted to end this post with an angry music video.

But I just couldn't....so I'll end with something more cheery instead .....even though I've played another version before. Because now it's a video. Because the piano in it once belonged to Freddy Mercury and he was a gay rebel.




Oh yeah...why don't you like me.. why don't you like me? I can be anything you want...but some things you choose and some things you can't.

Like being an angry gay rebel who believes in confronting bigotry head on. Even if it rocks the boat.

In a land full of bigots and slaves.....I won't settle for anything less than freedom.

Even if the truth hurts...

Thursday, February 08, 2007

The Pervert, the Archbishop, and the Little Gay Family Next Door













When I was seventeen I had a pretty good motorcycle accident, which put me in hospital for almost two weeks. One night when I was lying there in a private room.... all drugged up on yummy demerol... this smarmy chaplain, who smelled like baby powder and was always bugging me, came in to see me.

I was so out of it that I didn't even know he was there. Or know that he started feeling me up. Or that Sebastien, who had been sleeping on a cot in the next room, came in and caught him in the act.

The chaplain never bothered me again. Although I still hate the smell of baby powder. But I didn't know what had happened until about two years later. When one of Sebastien's friends told me...and said that the Saguenay Prince had warned the chaplain that if he ever came within 50 feet of me again. He'd cut off his balls... stuff them in his mouth....and make him eat them.

I already knew that religion was garbage. But after that I knew two more things. One...that I really did have the best lover in the world, and would always be safe as long as he was around. And two...that some of those who call themselves "holy" men are really fucking twisted.

Just like the Archbitchop of Canterbury Rowan Williams....




Twenty years ago he wrote an essay defending gay love. He even founded a group to fight anti gay bigotry. But two weeks ago he sided with the Catholic Church in its losing bid to discriminate against gay couples.

"....rights of conscience cannot be made subject to legislation, however well-meaning"....

And now he's gone a step further.

"I don't believe inclusion is a value in itself. Welcome is. We don't say 'Come in and we ask no questions'. I do believe conversion means conversion of habits, behaviours, ideas, emotions...."

As if we can change who we are, how we feel, and who we love. As if we could "convert" our emotions....as all those men in dresses are always doing...only to end up as perverts. Just like that filthy chaplain.

Once the Archbitchop was mellow yellow. A promise of change. Now he's just a bigot.

But what makes it even more disgusting is that he lives next to two gay men who he knows are excellent parents of a very troubled boy.

"They were first asked to foster the boy when he was four and Barnardo's could not find another home for him because he was so disruptive. The boy is now 19. When the couple took him in he was filthy and had only one set of clothes. He had severe learning difficulties and very severe behavioural problems. They had to sit with him all night in case he damaged himself. The first hour he was in their house, he smashed 16 things."

But they never gave up on him...

"I think what we have given him has been a place to be angry and safe. We are proud of our boy. Now he has a real chance to live an independent life in the community. If you had asked us then we would not have wanted to take him in, but now we say we would not have missed it. It has been a most wonderful transformation of our lives."

The Archbishop knew they were good people. His children played with their boy. But when the time came to take a stand.....he betrayed the little gay family next door. By siding with the bigots....of the Roman Pedophile Church.

If that ain't twisted I don't know what is....anyone who would put ideology and politics before humanity is a monster as far as I'm concerned. And as for a "holy" man...don't make laugh.

But at least this story does serve to show....once again....that not only is religion garbage and hateful shite. But that loving families come in all shapes and sizes.








That troubled boy was lucky. He had two gay men who loved him enough to never give up on him. I know lots of happy children who are being raised by two mums, one mum, or one dad.

But as for me....I was lucky enough to have had THREE parents to help me through my troubled teenage years...and who never gave up on me either. A great mum, a great dad, and of course....although he'd just laugh and blush and probably cuff me if I ever dared call him a daddy...coz he's only four years older than me... The best lover in the world...

I don't know what you call that kind of straight gay family.

But it's my beautiful family for me...


Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Ted Haggard Isn't Gay and how Jesus Raped Me
















Oh Mary it's a miracle!!! After sucking up all that meth and sucking off that male prostitute for three years. Ted Haggard now says he's completely heterosexual. And after only three weeks!!!!

"He is completely heterosexual..... That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Translation: Now he'll only do female prostitutes constantly. But only if they are called Tina. And have shaved heads, tiny breasts, big muscles, hairy backs, lots of tattoos....and above all humongous strap ons.

I wish I could be happy for this pathetic closet queen. But two things bother me. One....how on earth did Teddy Homoslut become Teddy Heterosexual in such a short time? Did they give him electric shock treatment like they did to so many other gay men?














In the 1950s and 1960s, behavioural therapy was used to try to "cure" gay men. Men convicted of homosexual acts were routinely given electric shock treatment, hallucinogenic drugs and subjected to brainwashing techniques.

Although it didn't work then...so why would it work now?

And two when Pastor Penis claims he's "cured" he's really calling homosexuality a disease. And that reminds me what those bastards did to my brothers because they called them sick. When they were just gay. And the nazi doctors who tortured them were the real sickos. I'll never forget that or forgive them. That's why I want revenge. That's why I believe that the real disease is religion. And if we don't destroy it.........it will destroy the world.

All religion is superstition, ju ju, and nonsense. Why would I ever believe anything some hairy Semite in the desert told his slaves and his goats? After a very hot day. When he was too bugged out to walk his camel. Or order his little daughter to sit on his dick.Some primitive barbarian patriarch who didn't even know the world was round. And didn't even have a cellphone. To speak to his ju ju god.


But of course there is no God. There is no heaven. There is no hell. Anybody who believes that crap is just afraid to die. And I'm not afraid of anything.

You see if Pastor Teddy wants to be cured of homosexuality. I want to be cured of religion.

And that's not going to be easy.

Because you see....(sob) (sob) I was raped by Jesus.....just like this poor guy was...




Oh yeah...that's my man. Or my long lost twin brother.... I feel his pain..... Geez I sure hope they catch that Jesus guy before he fucks up any more lives.(sob) (sob)


But seriously it's good to see more and more people standing up and telling these ju ju fanatics, men in dresses, homophobes, Roman paedophiles, mad mullahs, wretched rabbis, rosary rubbers, fetus fetishists, and just plain FREAKS to fuckoff and shutup. I don't know how long it will take before humanity is finally rid of the curse of religion.

But at least I'm sure of a couple of things. One.... when they call my love a disease I can call them anything.

And two...something tells me I'm going to be cured long before Ted Haggard is...


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

UPDATE: Male prostitute reacts to Haggard's stunning "cure"

"That's the quickest therapy I've ever heard of. Y'know, it's hard for me to imagine someone who is performing oral sex and saying that he's straight. That just doesn't jive."


Exactly.Not only are they freaks....they're liars as well...

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

How Garth Turner Pooped on Great Fat Leader's Party












Wasn't the timing perfect? On the very day that Great Fat Leader has his Nuremberg Speech to mark the one-year anniversary of his ReformCon Regime's rise to power...

Along comes Garth Turner and knocks the fatso off his perch. By pooping on his party.

And soon nobody could even remember what President Porko said. All everybody wanted to hear was what Garth had to say. That's all people were talking about.

Even the trained seals at the Blogging Tories.

At 6:35 pm I counted 18 posts about Garth. And only three about Great Fat Leader. And one of them was a blowjob from an American. So it doesn't count.

Talk about a propaganda bust. Oink. Oink. First they run those crude ads during the superbowl and make themselves look like yankee stooges. Now this. Mwahahaha!!!

But then what do they have to celebrate?

Decent Canadians in this country have lost a lot. We have had to look on helplessly as these brutish ideological extremists have raped the rights of women, gays, and other minorities. Destroyed a childcare program that would have helped millions of Canadian children and their parents. Planned and plotted to put more children in jail. Hurt the poor and blown the rich..... and the religious fanatics that infest their government like cockroaches. Dragged us deeper into a crazy war in Afghanistan. And ruined our proud reputation abroad.

Oh yes we've lost a lot......and so has our beautiful country. But so have these filthy Cons.














One year later they now know that their thousand year ReformCon Reich will never happen. That Conservative values will never be Canadian values. Only Amerikan ones....or the values of the mortally wounded Chimp Bush regime.

They've run out of history. Stephen Harper will always be the guy who had a majority in his grasp. And blew it.

Today Great Fat Leader may have fallen off his pedestal. Just like Saddam. Today this Climate Change Denier is pretending he's gone green. Sooner or later he will be REALLY green.

Sooner or later Canadians will have had their fill of him.

Sooner or later he'll hang....

Sunday, February 04, 2007

The Crippled Dog and the Cruel Monsters in Iraq


The other day I ran a video that showed how American convoys drive around Iraq. One of my blogging buddies said he had hoped it ended with an IED explosion. Kaboom.

I told him I would never show an IED explosion killing or injuring American soldiers. And there are a lot of them. Because while I hate the Bush and Cheney war criminals with every bone in my body. I hate to see our neighbour's kids die.

Or be horribly injured.....
















Like this young soldier who lost half his head.

Or this one who will never be the same again...












Just ask his mum how much that hurts....

In fact I was going to write something about the new dangers American troops face from weapons like this one. That can go through a humvee like a knife through butter.

Or why a new generation of IEDs is so deadly, thanks to something called a shaped charge.That can take out a tank.

Just so everyone knows what they face every day. So you can understand some of the things they do.

But then I changed my mind....I still don't want most American soldiers in Iraq to be killed or wounded.

Just these guys.....




Sometimes horror stories like this one....... or this one.tell you all you need to know about the war in Iraq.

But sometimes how you treat a poor miserable crippled Iraqi street dog.... that has probably had to scrounge for scraps all its pitiful life without even a pat on the head from a human... tells you a lot too.


These soldiers aren't liberators. They never were liberators. They were just pawns in a monstrous war that never should have happened. Many of them are just victims like so many Iraqis. Some of them will be victims long after the war is over.

But some of them are monsters. And the longer this war goes on the more monsters there will be.

If I was an American I wouldn't worry about the war in Iraq. For them it will soon be over. I'd worry about their poor wounded kids for whom that war will never end.

And I'd worry about what's going to happen to their own country.

When those monsters come marching home....

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Fucking Kyoto and the Plan to Bomb Bomb Iran











Canada in February....how hard is it to worry about global warming in this country when it's minus 17 degrees centigrade outside? Answer: really hard.

Especially when you know that Stephen Harper's Big Oil pimps aren't going to do anything to control greenhouse emissions. So Canada can only get warmer. And Big Oil can only get bigger....

"Baird promised to regulate industry which accounts for about half of Canada's emissions. He says this will be done using intensity targets which require companies to produce fewer emissions per unit of output - BUT COULD STILL ALLOW TOTAL EMISSIONS TO INCREASE...."

Huh? I know these oil pimps are never going to kiss the Kyoto. But that's a farce.

But maybe it's just as well...... I mean how much time can you spend worrying about the fate of future generations? You gotta save some time to worry about us.... and more urgent problems. Like where are we ordering out from tonight.? Who is getting the beer...and the weed? And of course the plan to bomb bomb bomb....bomb bomb Iran....


Now that's something to REALLY worry about. But as for all this Kyoto shit....like most Canadians...I think I'd rather pass....

I mean am I REALLY going to give up my love for fast cars and motorbikes....or stop flying planes? Am I really not going to jump on to a big stinky polluting jet and head for a sunny beach in March? Or not heat my home or my igloo? Or not spend half an hour in a hot shower.....after an older guy has had his way with me? Or not crank up the air conditioning in the summer...at the first drop of sweat on my brow....or my bum? Am I really going to take public transit out to IKEA and bring home a new toilet bowl.....on the bus?

Nah.....not a chance....and I don't think many other Canadians will either.... so I'm afraid we're going to have to be honest and tell the rest of the world....that if they want to kiss the Kyoto to go ahead. But we just can't....coz even if we don't freeze in the dark....we might be really really inconvenienced....


















Like being forced to take showers in our underwear...

And if the Kyoto goody goodies don't like that....then we'll just have to hit them with the cruel facts of life.

Energy hogs are energy hogs. Oink. Oink. And we can't change even if we wanted to. Coz we're the oil whore of Amerika. Oinkety Oink. We live in The Great White North.

And life is harsh...













Oh Canada.......(sigh).....does anybody in Florida ....or Australia....want to adopt me?

But you know what I mean....if the planet is going to burn....and we really can't do anything about it. Just like we can't stop the war with Iran. And all those Iranians are going to be bomb bomb bombed. And all those children who haven't been born are going to die of starvation one day. Or be eaten by other hungry people. As crops wither in the fields. And sea levels rise.

How are we going to explain all this to the children who are alive today? That the scientists warned us...but we let the politicians play their stupid games....because we didn't really want to change the way we lived our lives?

Global warming will hurt the poorest countries most. Trying to head it off or reduce it's impact will hurt the richest.

I think we better explain all of this to the children now.

So they're not disappointed later...