Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Jesus' Tomb, the Big Lie, and the Virgin's Pizza

Holy shit! Hold the communion wine. It looks as if Jesus didn't fly to heaven after all.

A documentary by the Discovery Channel claims to provide evidence that a crypt unearthed 27 years ago in Jerusalem contained the bones of Jesus of Nazareth.

Moreover, it asserts that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, that the couple had a son, named Judah, and that all three were buried together.

I guess they must have scrubbed the mission. Or maybe he missed his flight....although I don't know why he didn't hitch a ride with his lover Mary Magdalene. She could fly too....couldn't she?

As for Judah....I'm jealous. You see when I was really young ....and really naive.... I also thought Jesus was my daddy....

But I was very disappointed...

Shortly after that I realized that religion was just ignorance and superstition. As well as homophobic, crazy violent, and cruel shite.

And that only Beep knows what religion is REALLY all about. And only Peter Pan can fly...

Anyway...I see the wacky wingnuts are calling it a Titanic fraud. But what do you expect? Religion is a big business...and it's bad for the bottom line to have all those billions sitting on a Big Lie. Just like it's bad for a ship to sit on an iceberg.

Besides that's not what I hear.... My spies tell me the Vatican is in a panic. With just about everyone sending out their resumes. Even the Nazi Pope.

They tell me he's just about ready to say yes to that offer to become a fish sandwich blesser for Kentucky Fried Chicken...

But he'll get used to it and adapt. Just like the "Virgin" Mary has.

She is going back to her first love.....baking.

Hey! I'd order a pizza from that place....wouldn't you?

Oh yeah....she'll survive the collapse of the Christian church...if they leave her alone...to bake her tarts...and she doesn't get knocked up again...

But as for these young Polish monks....I'm not sure their new act is going to work...but you be the judge...

Nah....it's not going to work...if they want to make a living in the post church world...they're going to have to take off a lot more than that.

Which reminds me I'm taking off too...I'm whizzing off to Israel...to look for Jesus' bones.

Religion may be twisted shite. And the last thing we need at this time in history. But business is business.

If you thought Anna Nicole Smith's little bundle of joy was worth a pile of bucks. And the object of an obscene stampede to get hold of her and her money.

Hang on to your ju ju dolls..

You ain't seen nothing yet....


  1. I am honoured to be mentioned in dispatches. ;)

  2. Anonymous3:48 PM


    That's Saint Anna to you, blasphemer! She died for our sins you know. Just like Jesus, and Saddam, and Harry Karey, and my cat Fluffy.

  3. I love that vid! YMCA, that was the only disco song I ever liked. (Go ahead, laugh.)

  4. Anonymous11:26 PM

    I'm gay but I don't like these wild statements <=(

  5. Hi Tony...sorry about that.But that was almost two years ago. I was young and stoopid once. I wouldn't write the same thing now....