Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Stephane Dion and the Walking Pinata

I think I'm going to have to stop watching Question Period....or maybe even tune out of day to day coverage of Canadian politics. It's just getting TOO ugly.

I am not a supporter of Stephane Dion and the Liberal Party. But I hate bullying of any kind. And the Wacky Professor is starting to look like a walking pinata.....two wacks away from getting his stuffing knocked out.

It's brutal.....it's like dog fighting...I can't even watch it. Somebody call the SPCA. As the ReformCon assault continues....and Quebecers laugh at him. The poor know-it-all nerd can't even defend himself.

He can't make a clear and simple point....stay on message or even deliver it. He may speak better English than the Little Thug from Shawinigan. But because of the way he speaks it's much harder to understand. A cartoonist in Quebec used to portray Dion as a rat. But to me he looks and sounds like a mouse on crack.

But at least now some Liberal Bloggers seem to have snapped out of their state of denial . And realized that yes Houston....there is a problem.

This opinion isn't meant to sound defeatist, but I think it realistic. If I had to quantify Harper's chances for re-election, I would say there is an 80% likelihood.

Or have they?

No mention of The Mouse's pathetic performance. No apparent understanding of how fucked they are.

Dion can't jump on Great Big Fat Leader's plan to give Quebec all that dough and decentralization...or look like the Great Centralizer....and The Grinch. He can't oppose him on the environment because when he was Environment Minister he did nothing. He can't fight those juicy tax cut bribes. Because when it comes right down to it, Canadians like those a lot more than Kyoto. Yum.Yum. He can't accuse Herr Harper of having too many socons in his ReformCon Party. Because his party is full of them.

He can't even draw a firm line in the sand on Afghanistan...because he's got The Patrician Mortician Ignatieff....

So if I was Dion I wouldn't even talk about an election...... I would play for time.

Delay, change, but don't block anything the Harper government proposes.

Think of it as a strategic retreat. Anything can be changed later. Anything is better than a Harper majority government.

The Liberals could then use the time to teach Dion how to deliver a simple five-point plan in sentences no longer than five words. And how to talk instead of squeak.

And they could also try to come up with a way to stay on a simple message: That Stephen Harper and his extremist neocons and fellow religious fanatics would change Canada beyond recognition into a right-wing jungle just like Amerika. And help torch the planet. By blowing the Chimp and his gang in Washington...and pimping for Big Oil in Alberta. If you love Canada..... you gotta hate them.

If you wanna win...you gotta kick em in the nuts...

Or something like that...I leave it up to them. I'm not a pimp for the Liberal Party. All I want to be reassured of right now is that somebody will have the guts to tell the Wacky Professor that he's squeaking like a mouse.

And that we need an election, like he needs a scarf....

To hang himself with...


Lemon said...

Brilliant Piece, Simon.

Anonymous said...

You know the jack-asses at www.thepolitic.com are quoting you now eh? They are lame ass homophobes. Just thought I would let you know.