General Blowhard's Visit to Kandahar

What bad timing. Another Canadian soldier dies in Afganistan. Just on the day that General Blowhard flies in to Kandahar. To rally the troops and blow some more.

Although he wasn't blowing quite as hard today. He was practically subdued. Maybe it was the death of the soldier. Or maybe he was thinking of all that driving he's going to have to do. I hear that going for a weekend drive in Afghanistan these days can be dangerous.

Hmmm..... maybe Blowhard better take a helicopter when he goes into Kandahar to visit the Provincial Reconstruction Team he was blathering on about today.

"Now, there is a major effort going forward to get that reconstruction accelerated again."

Huh? Do you think he means this reconstruction effort? Surely not? That team is too busy fighting to reconstruct anything. But don't you love all those buckets we gave the Kandahar fire department? Doesn't that kind of sum up our mission? Well intentioned, but completely inadequate, and hopelessly naive.








You see the one thing that General Blowhard won't talk about is that we don't have nearly enough troops to do the job. The NATO coalition doesn't have them. It's not going to get them.

And because of that we're forced to fight the wrong kind of war. And rely too heavily on air power. That's the dirty little secret of the war in Afghanistan.

An officer added: "We are flattening places we have already flattened, but the attacks have kept coming. We have killed them by the dozens, but more keep coming, locally or from across the border. We have used B1 bombers, Harriers and Mirage 2000s. We have dropped 500lb, 1,000lb and 2,000lb bombs. At one point our Apaches [helicopter gunships] ran out of missiles, they have fired so many..."

But at least the Brits have some of their own planes over there. We depend on the Americans. They circle like hawks over Afghanistan. We may find the Taliban. But they kill them. They've got the toys. Boys will be boys.

The only problem is that it's NOT the way to win a counter-insurgency war. You can't save villages by destroying them. You can't use that kind of airpower on people and hope to win their hearts and minds. That's why we're winning every battle we fight. And losing the war. Just like they're losing the war in Iraq.






But General Blowhard doesn't want to talk about that. And he's made sure none of our soldiers do either. He talked big to get us into this mess. Then he talked big to get the pathetic nerd chickenhawk Stephen Harper to sign us up for two more years. Now he's in full cover-up mode.

The Americans now admit they don't have enough troops. And that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are fragging their army. The Brits now admit the same thing. But our gung ho generals are still strangely silent. While our troops keep dying in a war that can't be won. No wonder Scott Taylor accused them of acting like the gorillas in the Planet of the Apes.

You know if people really want to support the troops they should forget about wearing those stupid red t-shirts every Friday.

They should just ask General Blowhard to cut out the cheap jingoism. Level with Canadians.

And start blowing some truth for a change....

Count Harpo and his Vampire Legions

When I heard that President Harper was in Romania exchanging notes with other dictators at the Francophony, I figured he'd also be visiting his friends in Transylvania. To exchange notes on how to suck more blood out of Canadians. Or spill it in Afghanistan. And I had this amazing dream. I dreamed I had cornered Count Harpo in an old castle just before dawn. And was preventing him from crawling back into his coffin. By bombarding him with one clove of garlic after the other.

Then just as I was down to my last clove, and all seemed lost, the sun suddenly came up. And fried him. He hissed and he spazzed out. He begged for the Chimp to save him. He started talking in tongues and filthy neocon babble.Then with a crackle and a pop and a puff of foul smelling smoke he was gone. And Oh what a beautiful day it was!!

Then I woke up. It was grey and raining. Harper and his evil ReformCons were still in power. Still sucking the life blood out of our country. And everywhere I looked the undead were on the march.

There is no need to study the effects of gay marriage on children it's already been done. As this blagher points out.

But of course the jackass homophobe Ted Morton and his religious extremists don't care about children. All they want to do is use them to try to hurt gay families and gay children in our schools. Criminalize gay people, ban abortion, and turn our country into a fascist theocracy. Those are the same kind of crazies who tried to prevent a rape victim with the mental age of four from getting an abortion. They aren't Christians.... or even human...... they're life-denying monsters.

And it looks as if Stephen Harper, who shares their twisted views, is about to give his vampire legions more time to organize their hate campaign against gays and lesbians. By delaying the same sex marriage vote

So we'll have to have to live with all that hate, and the threat of having our equality rights stripped away or diminished, for a few more months. After fighting for them for so many years. It's a drag but it doesn't really matter. When the battle does begin we'll be ready for them. We didn't choose to be in the frontline of the battle against those who would turn our country into a theocracy.

But fate placed us there. And we're happy and proud to be fighting for all of us.









Me and my brothers and sisters are pretty good at that. We've been forced to fight for a long time. We fly the rainbow flag of freedom.
We may have been born in chains, but we're free now.

And we'll never let them take away our rights or destroy our beautiful country. Never let them hurt gay families or make the lives of gay children hell, with their bigotry and their bullying. Or tell us how to live or who to love. Never ever. Not a fucking chance.

We'll take them on in the courts or in the streets for as long as it takes. And in the hills if we have to. We'll never give up.

We know that the war against religious extremists in Canada is more important than the one in Afghanistan. Because only the war at home can ever cost us our country.

We also know that in the end we'll win. Not just because our cause is a just , noble, and life affirming one. And their cause is twisted, inhuman, and evil. But because hatred and bigotry don't stand a chance against love.












And our love is strong. We've been forced to fight for it. And nothing makes you stronger and braver than fighting for the one you love.

As for that stinky old vampire don't worry about him. Forget the garlic and the wooden stakes.

It may seem awfully dark in Canada right now.

But his sun will rise soon enough...

Afghanistan and the Planet of the Apes

Oh Afghanistan, Afghanistan, how you haunt my dreams. How sure I am that one day you will haunt us all. If ever a war was custom built to rip our country in half, this is the one.

It appeals to our noblest instincts, like protecting the rights of women and gays, and helping a desperately poor people rebuild their country. But all those good intentions only blind us to the reality of a war that can't be won. At least not the way we are fighting it.

We don't have enough troops or the right equipment to even dream of success. We can't kill all the Taliban or keep them from coming back like the tide year after year. From their sanctuaries in Pakistan. We can't protect clinics and schools. We can't save the women.

"As a well known women rights campaigner, she was aware that she was vulnerable to attack and had asked for official transport and personal bodyguards. The Afghan Government rejected these requests."









Or protect gay kids. They may not be collapsing walls on them or throwing them off buildings anymore. But they are still throwing them in jail.

I've warned of this impending catastrophe for months. Watched in horror as all these concerns were ignored, and our troops were sent off to Afghanistan without even the helicopters they need to protect themselves from IEDs. Watched as the coffins came home, and the chickenhawk politicians talked up a storm, and the red shirts went Rah Rah Rah. As if that will help win a war that can't be won.

So I was really happy to read what Scott Taylor, the editor of this magazine, had to say. And how he compared the way our gung ho generals are conducting the war, to the Gorillas in the Planet of the Apes.

"I don't think we can win this mission, not the way it is being conducted," he said. "I don't think anyone up there has got a clear idea. I've talked to them at the top end and I have listened to their arguments. It is the same old rhetoric. And for generals, let us be honest. They are professional soldiers, I mean; they see it as a challenge to themselves."

Yeah well somebody give these King Kongs a banana....coz it's not going to get any better only worse.

Thanks to Stephen Harper's eagerness to please George Bush we're now trapped there for two more years. How many more soldiers will be killed, or wounded? How many more soldiers will go to their deaths thinking they were making a difference? Who will have the guts to tell their families one day that they really died for nothing?

That the war in Afghanistan didn't makes us safer. On the contrary it made us more vulnerable to attack. Just like the United States is more vulnerable because of the crazy war in Iraq.

But that's just the military situation. I worry about a lot more than that. Like what this war is doing to our image as peacekeepers, and what it could do to our country's soul.

The monstrous neocon yankee wannabe ReformCons are using it to enroll us in the Bush regime's insane War on Terror. Using it as a distraction from their war on our children and other poor and vulnerable Canadians. Even as they prepare to pump billions into Afghanistan they're slashing and burning at home.

Today they killed the court challenge program. It was set up to help the powerless take on the powerful. Now the powerful don't have to worry. As Robert McLelland points out, for Harper it was a personal thing. A neocon mob rubout. What a mobster. If he's a leader. I'm a lobster.

But that only makes me wonder even more, what's the use of wasting all those lives and all that money protecting human rights in Afghanistan, if we can't protect the human rights of our own people?

What's the use of spending all that money trying to rebuild Afghanistan, if we can't even build this poor miserable Canadian , and so many others like him, a place to call home?












What kind of country are we? What kind of country do we want to be?

I believe that the choices we make over the next year or so will determine that for a long time to come. For the sake of the Canada I love. As the dark neocon night closes in on us.

I only hope we make the right ones....

Harper's Theocons and the Doggy's Asshole

Ever since I started blogging I've been warning everyone I can that Stephen Harper isn't the man he pretends to be.

I warned that he was a fanatical ideologue from the sinister Calgary School whose sole mission in life is to change Canada beyond recognition. By turning it into a yankee blowing neocon jungle, where our beautiful, gentle, and noble Canadian values would be replaced by violent and greedy Amerikan ones. But by now most Canadians know that.

What too many of them still don't know is that Harper is also a secret religious fanatic with a hidden agenda, should he ever win a majority, to turn Canada into a hideous theocracy. Well now they do.

In an article in the latest edition of Walrus magazine journalist Marci McDonald shines a light on the inner workings of the Harper government and finds it crawling with theocon maggots. Crazy American style religious extremists who are incredibly powerful and may be influencing Harper's decisions on everything from foreign policy to the environment. Here are a few excerpts:

On the strange little evangelical Church that Harper frequents....

According to its Statement of Faith, adherents believe the Bible is “inerrant” and the Second Coming is “imminent.” Women are still not accepted for ordination, and a position paper on divorce does not mince words on a related matrimonial subject. “Homosexual unions are specifically forbidden,” it decrees, “and are described in Scripture as manifestations of the basest form of sinful conduct.”

Or Jason Kenney's real job...buttering up the lunatic fringe who believe that judges are more dangerous than terrorists.

....these days, Kenney may have more clout than any minister, playing emissary to groups with whom Harper doesn’t wish to leave prime ministerial fingerprints, above all on the religious right. Despite being a Catholic, Kenney is a regular on the evangelical circuit, turning up at so-con confabs and orchestrating discreet meetings with the boss. “ Jason,” says one Ottawa insider, “has a lot more influence than you might think.”

Isn't that a frightening thought?

But the scariest stuff is the haunting question that McDonald raises about whether the government's decision to kill Kyoto is motivated not just by its craven attempts to please the Calgary oil lobby. But also as a sop to the crazy religious wingnuts who believe that environmental degradation is a good thing. Because it will hasten the arrival of their so-called Messiah. Wingnuts like one of the theo-cons closest to Harper, the porker homophobe Charles McVety.

For Charles McVety, any mention of the environmental movement sparks a tirade against the 1992 Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro. “The Bible talks about a false religion and one-world government, and what we have developed is exactly that,” McVety rages. “The false religion is the worship of Mother Earth — I call them earthies!” He dismisses Rio’s Earth Charter as “that pagan document.”

Yikes is that scary!! I must admit that after reading that I began to panic. With the same sex debate about to rear its ugly head again it's entirely possible that some wingnuts might end up knocking on my door. And with my anger management problem I simply can't allow that. Not after how I behaved with the two Jehovah Witnesses who tried that a few weeks ago. When I was alone in the bunker....

Geez I'm sure they must have thought I was the anti-christ.I wouldn't be surprised if they were still running .... by now somewhere in Saskatchewan. Still looking over their shoulders. Still waiting for Big Jesus to strike me down and carry them off to heaven. How disappointing. Sorry.

Anyway after that I decided to put up a sign to warn off wingnuts ahead of time.

Although now after reading the Walrus article I'm not sure that's the right approach. It might just encourage them. Make them think they can see Big Jesus by just knocking on my door.

Instead of having to go to all the trouble of starting the Final Conflict in the Middle East. Uh oh. Maybe I better threaten them with an attack dog.

But what am I going to do? I can hardly teach my gentle lab new tricks at his age. Train him to bite people instead of licking them as he likes to do to every human he ever meets. And I don't really fancy the idea of waking up to find my new doberman wagging his tail at the end of my bed, With a wingnut's head in his mouth. Too messy. Might put me off my breakfast.

But I think this dog should be absolutely perfect.(h/t Beep )

Yes I think I can use the pooch to make my point as forcefully as I can. And still please my anger management instructor.

And my point is this. Fuck their little plans for a theocracy. The day I recognize a religious freak government's right to tell me what to do, or who to love, will be the day the world really ends.

You see I don't care from what pretty, pious or self styled divine doggy asshole this theocon bullshit oozes out of. Christian, Muslim, Jason Kenney's or whatever.

As far as I'm concerned.

It's just the same steaming pile of doggy shite.

And the sooner we stoop and scoop these cons, and toss them into the garbage can of history.

The cleaner, and safer, and more Canadian our country will be...

The Peacock and the Chickenhawk

It was the Afghanistan Show on Parliament Hill today. And what a colourful show it was.!!There was Hamid Karzai strutting around like an elegant green peacock. Asking Canadians to please bleed some more.

And above all please please please please send more money soon. Preferably in unmarked bills. So he can payoff all the warlords, corrupt officials, and thugs in his increasingly shaky government.

While out on the lawn it was a sea of red. Or a large pond or whatever.

Hey if some people want to express their support for our troops that way I'm all in favour. Go for it. As long as they don't try to pretend this red shirt shit is a Canadian idea, because it's not. It's an American one.

And as long as we don't confuse supporting the troops and supporting this mission. Like our ridiculous chickenhawk of a Prime Minister did today.

"You cannot say you are for our military and then not stand behind the things they do.."

Oh yes we can Great Leader. Just because we support our troops doesn't mean we're going to give you and your gung ho generals a blank cheque to sign them up for the crazy so-called war on terror. And have them running all over foreign lands killing all kinds of brown people. We're Canadians remember? Not neocon yankee blowing wannabes like you.

And what does this horseshit mean?

"We don't start fights, but we finish them and we won't leave until they're done...."

And when would that be I wonder? How long does it take to win a war that can't be won? A long time I bet. President Harpo should save cheap slogans like that for some pee-wee hockey game. You know the ones where the parents fight in the stands. And throw beer cans and timbits at the referees. While encouraging their kids to kill the other kiddies on the ice.

Speaking of kiddies.......the good news is that we should have all the recruits we need to get the bloody job done. Turns out we're raising a new warrior class. In our skools.

If you want to know what one of those fights looks like, check out this little kick in the nuts.

Wow!! Isn't that awesome? And think about it ....there are 3053 school fights listed on YouTube alone. Isn't that frightening? Quick somebody give those little Popeyes some spinach.

Or better still sign them up right away for the Great War on Terror. So they can make videos of themselves killing brown people, and at least we'll look like we're winning the war that can't be won. One body or video at a time.

Although we don't really have to rush things. We probably can afford to wait about five years or so before signing up or drafting those little savages. After all Great Leader says we're not leaving until we win. So we should be there for at least five hundred more years. If we're lucky.

Or maybe not. I don't know about the peacock. But something tells me that long before that.

The chickenhawk will have lost his feathers. And fallen off his perch.

Fuck the Afghanistan Show. I can't wait for THAT show to start.

Do you think they'll put it on YouTube?

Jan Wong's Twisted View of Quebec

Before I start I want to make one thing perfectly clear. I despise Jan Wong. I started to dislike her when I heard that the spoiled little rich girl had gone to China in 1972, swooned over the brutish Red Guards, and turned in a fellow student for asking questions about how people lived in the decadent wealthy West. Say what?

That dislike grew when she started to write her hideous gossipy lunch columns. Where she lulled a procession of third rate celebrities into a false sense of security by plying them with wine and scampi. And then bit them like a piranha. Jan could you please pass the pepper? Is it bigger than a bread box? Yes. Gottcha. Ouch!!

By the time she wrote her monstrous opus about how hard it is to be a maid, I positively loathed her.








The thought of that little Red Guard scrubbing away and then being chauffered home to her palatial quarters drove me to distraction.Made me think of places where she should stick her broom, that I'd rather not mention.

But her latest journalistic atrocity... Where she blames French Quebecers, and their culture and language laws, for the Dawson College tragedy, and other mass murders. Well that one just makes me vomit.

"What many outsiders don't realize is how alienating the decades-long linguistic struggle has been in the once-cosmopolitan city. It hasn't just taken a toll on long-time anglophones, it's affected immigrants, too. To be sure, the shootings in all three cases were carried out by mentally disturbed individuals. But what is also true is that in all three cases, the perpetrator was not pure laine, the argot for a “pure” francophone. Elsewhere, to talk of racial “purity” is repugnant. Not in Quebec."

Her idiot story has created quite a fuss in the province. If you read French you can read more about about it here Jean Charest was quick to demand an apology. Along with the blowhards from the St Jean Baptiste Society And now so has Stephen Harper. Even though many of his supporters, and sadly many other Canadians, agree with Wong's twisted view of Quebec. But I sure don't.

Maybe there is something about Quebec that can contribute to the alienation of certain new Canadians, caught between the old ways and the new ones. Maybe as Francine Pelletier said the other day it's harder for some new immigrants to Quebec to find their place, when the society they live in is still looking for its place. But I think it could happen just as easily in Toronto or Vancouver because English Canada is still looking for its identity as well. It's part of our common new immigrant story.

But one thing I'm sure of is that the killings in Quebec didn't have anything to do with the efforts of Quebecers to hang onto and develop their rich and beautiful French language and culture. Nothing to do with the so-called "language police." To suggest that they did is outrageous. To suggest that Quebecers are obsessed with racial purity is disgusting and unforgivable.

And she's done it before many times. She's a repeat offender. She once made a big deal of a quote from an Ethiopian cab driver who said separatists didn't give him any tips. I could go on and on about that, and get really angry.But I'd rather tell my little immigrant story.

As I've mentioned before I arrived in the magical city by the St Lawrence when I was a young teenager. And I have to admit I was kind of shocked at first. I knew that there were supposed to be a lot of French people, but I didn't realize there were that many! Tabarnac. Ooh la la.

But when I did realize the situation I made every possible effort to get to know them and learn all about their culture. I think it was love at first sight, but I quickly realized that I would never really know them, or love them, or feel like I was in my home or chez moi as we say in Quebec, until I busted through the two solitudes, learned their language and made their culture part of mine. So I did.

I learned their language, I studied their history, I listened to their music, I read their newspapers, watched their movies. I watched the news and hockey games in French. I learned their great swear words and joualisms, and all the sexy words too. And boy did it pay off. It opened up a whole new world. Made me all kinds of new friends. And one very special one. It didn't diminish my own identity one bit. It just made it richer,

I'm not going to pretend that it was always easy. In a group of French guys I still sometimes feel like the English one. Sometimes we disagree about politics. I want to be both a Quebecer and a Canadian. Most of my French friends don't. Although if Quebecers ever vote to separate I'll support them because I'll know Canada wasn't big enough to deserve them.

But I can truthfully say that never ever has a French Quebecer shown any hostility towards me because I'm an anglo. Or for that matter because I'm gay. Oh and in case you read this post and wondered who the bullies who bullied me were. They were Portuguese not French. Like the guy who saved me was.

I might mangle their beautiful language occasionally and my written French still sucks. Sometimes when Sebastien's friends from the Saguenay talk too fast I can't always follow the conversation. But they pick up on that and slow down. And they always make me feel welcome. They know that I am making a real effort and above all that I respect them. Because that's what it's really all about.

You can shout "We love you Quebec" in English all you like. As they did in Montreal during the last referendum.But you can't love anyone, let alone a people and a culture, unless you respect them first.

Unfortunately some anglo Quebecers couldn't do that. They couldn't accept the new Quebec reality. They couldn't bother to learn French. They couldn't leave their anglo enclaves and embrace a larger world. When French Quebecers finally stood up for their language, many Anglos left the province and some of them started building up a myth of Quebec as an oppressive Nazi place. When in fact it's the most socially progressive and tolerant province in Canada, and its people are among the warmest people on earth. Just as Montreal is still the greatest and most truly cosmopolitan city in Canada.

Jan Wong speaks for those bitter exiles. The pieds-noirs as they called them in Algeria. But she sure as hell doesn't speak for me or most anglo Quebecers.

She really should apologize for her false and crass caricature, but I'm not asking her to do that. I just want her to try to learn more about Quebec before she shoots her mouth off again. And spreads false and dangerous myths that could spread like poison, and come back to haunt us all some day.

I want her to write another huge opus magnus. Even bigger than the maid one. Except that this time instead of playing a maid, I want her to live in French for a month, change her name from Jan to Jeanne, and play being a Quebecoise. Maybe she'd finally learn to respect Quebecers, and celebrate them for the amazing people, culture and nation they are. And tell the rest of Canada how great they are as well.

And if she still doesn't get it? Well in that case I suggest the Globe pack her off to a grim re-education camp in let's see ......um.....Chibougamou. For at least five years.

Oh I know it would be harsh. Terribly harsh. But she deserves it.

And I know the Little Red Guard will understand. And go quietly.

Just like the student she turned in...

Mad Killers and Dead Victims

They buried poor Anastasia De Sousa today and her killer Kimveer Gill after two very different funerals. Not just because one was Christian and the other Sikh. But because hundreds of young people attended hers. And no young people attended his.

"Noticeably absent amongst the mourners were people Gill's age, likely to be friends of his rather than his parents."

No wonder he was so lonely.

An English teacher who once taught him when he was fourteen wrote a column in the Globe today claiming he hadn't been bullied. And that it was all his fault.

"....the real question should be why he did it, not what others did or didn't do. In the sombre aftermath of another school shooting — one that claimed a young life — blame must be assigned to Mr. Gill and not to those on the periphery of his life...."

" .....Only one angel of death can dance on the head of this pin of sorrow and that is Kimveer Gill.....He should not be permitted to become a victim..."

Except of course he was. And a lot of shit can happen between the ages of fourteen and twenty-five. He may have committed a monstrous act of senseless violence. What he did was inexcusable. He caused so much terrible suffering.

But you only have to read his sad and pathetic blog entries, to realize that before he killed... and before he blew his brains out..... he had suffered terribly too.

He's a textbook case of clinical depression. He tried to receive help after his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago. But it just got worse and worse. It must have hollowed him out inside as depression, if left untreated, eventually does.

Until he only really lived in the virtual character Trench he created on his vampire blog. Where he could be what he said he was. And send out one barely concealed cry for help after the other. That no one ever heard.

But as depression and loneliness continued to drain away his energy, leaving him listless and feeling dead inside, even that fizzled out.

His Angel of Death posts once full of bravado and threats were reduced to stuff like "Meh...life sucks..." Or "Fuck the world." Or sometimes just nothing at all.....

His heroes, the Columbine killers Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, choreographed their bloody departure from this world. With their diaries and journals and their infamous Basement Tapes.

Their final words weren't much..... but they were something:

Dylan: "Hey mom. I gotta go. It's about a half an hour till judgment day. I just wanted to apologize to you guys for any crap this might instigate as far as (inaudible) or something. Just know I'm going to a better place. I didn't like life too much, and I know I'll be happy wherever the fuck I go. So I'm gone. Good-bye. Reb..."

Eric: "Yeah... Everyone I love, I'm really sorry about all this. I know my mom and dad will be just like.. just fucking shocked beyond belief. I'm sorry, all right. I can't help it."




Dylan: (interrupts) "It's what we had to do...."

Eric: (eventually) "That's it. Sorry. Goodbye."

But exactly two hours to the minute before he started shooting, all Kimveer wrote in his last post was this:

'Whiskey in the morning, mmmm mm,mm, good!!' on dave chappelle... 'I call white people niggahs too, it's just fun. It's all Dave Chappelle's fault.' mood: 'no mood' music: megadeth - a tout le monde."

By the end of his life he was too sick and dead inside and too deep soul exhausted to even write a suicide note. To try to explain, say sorry, or even celebrate the last act in his sad and lonely life. The one that he hoped in his sick mind would make up for everything that had come before. Or everything that hadn't.

I've seen a lot of stuff in the media recently about how Kimveer Gill was just a monster and an evil person. Some people seem to get their kicks beating up on the dead. As if it will do any good. But I don't go along with that.

He did commit a monstrous, cruel and unforgivable act. He stole a precious life, and hurt so many people who had never done him any harm.

But everything seems to show that he was slowly consumed by a dark depression that eventually blotted out all the light in his life. It's not a question of good or evil. It's so easy to turn it into that in this increasingly black and white world. But you can't just wish something like that away.

Somebody should have noticed what was happening to him. Somebody should have helped him. Somebody should have saved him from himself.

But nobody did.

So as far as I'm concerned he's a victim too.

If we can't understand that how can we save the others?

So it doesn't happen again...

The Nazi Pope's War on Muslims

I must say the Nazi Pope's decision to launch a Holy War against Muslims was quite a shock. I couldn't believe what what he had to say about the Prophet Mohammed, I mean considering the Crusades and all that....... Just like I can't believe what these Fascist Mullahs are saying about him. Considering how many people they've murdered in Iran. But then you see I'm supporting both sides in this Holy War. All I ask is that they mercilessly slaughter each other.

I mean what a mess.

"We shall break the cross and spill the wine. ... you will have no choice but Islam or death..."

Isn't it great?

Talk about manna or wafers or falafels from heaven. Halley loo Jah! Ali Hack Bar! If this doesn't persuade reasonable people everywhere that the planet needs crazy religion like it needs global warming or a collision with a massive asteroid, nothing will.

Although I wouldn't want anything to happen to the Nazi Pope. He's a far too useful idiot. I figure if he survives another five years, without getting whacked by the Mafia or Opus Dei for damaging the brand, he should reduce the Vatican to something resembling der Fuhrer bunker. On the last day of the Second World War. I'm sure Herr Ratfinger remembers it well.

In fact, to show you how concerned I am about El Popo's safety, I have built him a whole new Popeymobile for free. Just in time for his upcoming visit to Turkey.







Nice eh?
Oh I know it's not as stylish as the other one. And he won't be able to show off his fancy collection of Prada shoes, Gemelli robes, Gucci sunglasses, and of course his queeny collection of weird hats.

But when he arrives in Turkey it just might come in handy.

“The person who made these unfortunate and arrogant comments, Benedict XVI, will go down in history in the same category as Hitler and Mussolini,”

Wow. What a low blow. Doesn't that insensitive Turkish lout know that Ratfinger served ....I mean fought the Fuhrer faithfully until the day he died? And that his brief fling with Mussolini was just a simmering passion for anything italian? Like black shirts and Gucci glasses.

On the other hand... when you take a closer look at the Dope's reasons for declaring Holy War on Muslim countries, that Turkish politician isn't too far off the mark. It turns out to be all about that old Nazi obsession. Liebensraum. Or grabbing other people's territory.

Benny wants a chance to make more converts in Muslim lands. So he can build up his sagging brand, get more money and power. And tell more people in more countries what to do, how to live their lives according to the twisted policies of the castrati at the Vatican. Who want to force us all to put faith before reason. Just like the crazy mullahs do.

Hmmm....I don't think it's going to work. It may have worked for this happy couple. Aww... isn't it nice that they're still together? But there are only so many goatfuckers in the world..

And besides doesn't he remember the case of that Christian convert in Afghanistan? It wasn't just the monstrous mullahs who wanted to kill him. It was the whole damm country. They were practically fighting each other for a chance to slit his throat.

Our soldiers may be dying to save them from the Taliban. But who is going to save them from themselves? Not El Popo. He's too busy trying to save himself. If he apologizes anymore, he might as well convert. And change his name to Osama Bin Benny.

But details details....at least for now thanks to my new super Popeymobile, the flashy and flamboyant Ratfinger will not only be safe from the filthy mob aka the arab "street". By the time he visits Turkey, he should also have a brand new outfit, to go with his brand new crusade.














Isn't he lovely?
As his enormous, heavily armoured convoy moves through the empty streets of Istanbul, he can kick up his heels in the back of my little Popo tank, or even raise his arm like he did in the good old days. Or belt out a couple of sieg heils like only the Bavarians can. (It's soundproof.) Or even act out his fantasy of entering Mecca and Medina at the head of an army of pigs. I think I can fit five or six chubby little porkers in there with him.

And nobody will be able to see him or know what he was doing in the back of the Popeymobile. Until the day I release the tape, taken by my hidden camera, to the entire Muslim world. The Pope, the Pigs, and the Koran should be a big hit. Bigger than Paris Hilton's Noisy Fuck. And everyone saw that one.

Seriously though, the day I'm waiting for, is the day when nobody even cares what this twisted old inquisitor, with his feet planted firmly in the 14th century, and his head shoved firmly up his ass, has to say about anything. Like I don't.

He's always telling non believers like me who I can love or fuck or marry. His minions are always making life hard for gay kids. Or gay parents. But I just say why doesn't this crazy old vampire just fuckoff back to the 14th Century where he obviously belongs. And leave us all alone. Before I'm forced to reach for a stake and a hammer. Or a giant garlic suppository.

Maybe you think that's a bit harsh. But never think that he didn't know what he was doing.Or that he isn't dangerous

On the other hand I don't want to take sides. The wingnut Muslims are also fanatically anti-gay , moronic and barbarous. So I'm hoping for a fight to the finish. That both sides lose and eat each other. And the rest of us get to live in a world free from crazy religion.

So come on holy warriors. Are you men or mice or chickens or pigs?

You know god is on your side. So slaughter away as you always have.

And don't you dare take any prisoners...

Another Bloody Day in Montreal

Oh no. Not my beloved city. Not the Dawson kids. Not again. 

When I first heard the news all I could think about was my friends. I was crazy with worry. Then the pictures came in and it all looked so horribly familiar.

Then shock gave way to anger. And it seemed like the pictures were turning blood red.

OMG. Not  again.

The shock and the sorrow are the same. The difference is that after the first tragedy Quebecers and Canadians were able to force governments to bring in new gun control legislation. And now the gun lovin' good ol' boy, yankee blowin' neocons who have hijacked our country are trying to destroy it.

That's what makes me angry.

Not only are the Cons planning to destroy it, they have already gutted it, by encouraging gun owners to ignore the law. Like criminals.

That's what makes me see red.

Talk about posse justice. I wonder if they told the Dawson killer that he didn't have to register his weapon. And what kind of kooky wingnut message are they sending out anyway?

The only good news is that this latest tragedy is bound to increase public pressure for more gun controls not less. Especially in Quebec. Quebecers like most Canadians want Canada to be Canada. Not just a pathetic imitation of gun-crazy Amerika. Harper's hopes for a breakthrough in the province just got the coup de grace.

I think that most Canadians also understand that if we want to drive this plague of guns out of our midst, at least out of our urban areas, we've got to make it as hard, and as difficult, and as permanently inconvenient as we can for gun freaks to own one.

But the only way that can be accomplished is if Canadians throw out these gun worshipping neocon yankee wannabes who want to make us all less safe. Just to appease their rube, mouthbreathing, gopher shooting base.

The same wretched rubes they hope to please with their hatemongering attack on gay marriage.

In other words, if we want to save the kids. As well as ourselves.

First we must save our country...

The Peter and Condi Show

Oh my poor Canada. How much more humiliation can we take? Yesterday President Harpo disgraces us by turning a 9/11 memorial into a stars and stripes plug for the War in Afghanistan. Today we're forced to contemplate the ugly spectacle of our Minister of American Affairs Peter MacKay going ga ga over Condi Rice.......In a Tim Hortons of all places.

Holy Timbits! Is nothing sacred? A Peter and Condi show in a Timmys? That's practically treason. Hit me with a Boston Pie. Aren't the donut kings supposed to be on our side?

And can you believe how quickly Condi changed from thanking Canadians for their help after 9/11. To demanding that we stay in Afghanistan. i.e. Send even more troops. Talk about a double double.

So we're playing an "absolutely critical" role in the American-led War on Terror. I thought we were in Afghanistan as part of a U.N. mission to rebuild the country. I must have missed it. When did we sign up for Chimp Bush's crazy war?

But I suppose it could have been worse. I mean just check out this photo.

Uh Oh.What IS Potato Pete up to? Talk about making sure Condi knows he's REALLY happy to see her. I mean is that a banana in his pocket? Or just a very large coffee stirrer?

Poor Condi must have been mortified. But then the warmongering bitch deserves to be. The only thing that could have amused me more was if MacKay's dog (the one he used as prop when Belinda dumped him) had entered the coffee shop. And started humping her leg.

Still.....with that level of inflatuation we're lucky Dumbo Pete didn't pledge our entire reserves, the Governor General's footguards, The Blogging Tories and the Boy Scouts. So we can lose the war right away. And Harper won't lose any more votes in Quebec.

Besides who does our Minister of American Affairs think he is....Churchill?

"If we leave it to the terrorists that continue to flourish in Afghanistan they'll find us.They'll come here and they'll try to wreak havoc in our lives. That's a given. That will happen..."

"We cannot retreat, we cannot come back. Boats are safe in the harbour, but that's not what they're made for..."

Huh? What's that supposed to mean? Could the Taliban really swim all the way to Canada? Do we really have to go out and fish for them? Or can we just tell Customs to be on the lookout for hairy savages, with black turbans and kalachnikovs?

I'd laugh at all this chickenhawk rhetoric. If the situation wasn't so desperate. NATO commanders in Afghanistan urgently need more troops and equipment. But their calls for help are falling on deaf ears.

If NATO can't come up with more soldiers, Britain and Canada will have to provide them. Oh wait we already are.

And Van Doos too. I don't know if that will cause the Taliban to surrender. But Harper might as well run up the white flag in Quebec.

But they're still a drop in the bucket. If NATO can't rustle up some more, some might even question the value of the alliance.

Hey you never know. The war in Afghanistan might be NATO's biggest battle.

But the way things are going it might also be its last.

No wonder Condi ended up in a Tim Hortons. No wonder she let Potato Pete fall all over her.

No wonder she looked so desperate. Talked about Afghanistan coming back to haunt us.

She's right about that one. Thanks to her criminal regime, and its pathetic little puppets in Canada.

Now we're fucked if we do. And we're fucked if we don't.

Talk about a double double...

President Harper's Crass 9/11 Speech

It's pretty hard to fuckup something like a 9/11 memorial. The memories are too haunting. The pain still too real. But our lamentable lackey of a Prime Minister still managed to do that. And disgrace himself in the process.

Not only did he use the occasion to link 9/11 to what's happening in Afghanistan. Not only did he act really weird and geeky and flash his sharky smile at all the wrong times.

He used grieving loved ones of the 9/11 dead, and anxious relatives of our soldiers as cheap props to try to make his point. As Susan Delacourt pointed out recently Harper is obsessed with back drops. Too bad he doesn't have any class.

Or know what he's talking about.... Let's get one thing absolutely clear. We may have very good reasons to be in Afghanistan. But the so-called war on terror isn't one of them. Once upon a time it was, but it isn't anymore. The 9/11 plan was hatched in a greasy mosque in Hamburg. The real danger comes from places like Saudi Arabia and Pakistan. But wait aren't the Pakistanis on our side? No they're not.

And one more thing... our soldiers may be fighting bravely in Afghanistan. Maybe they can make a difference and improve the lives of the poor Afghan people. I hope so. But nothing they do there will make us any safer in Canada. On the contrary it will make us more of a possible terrorist target. More vulnerable to the danger from within.

But of course Harper doesn't care about that. All he was trying to do was play politics, and try to stop the bleeding on the Afghanistan issue. Particularly in Quebec. But once again he made an unfortunate mistake.You see Chimp Bush was out there today as well, trying to link his insane War on Terror to the crazy war in Iraq.

And that echo is going to cost Harper even more votes in Quebec.

"It's not going to make Quebecers any happier with Stephen Harper's foreign policy....in fact, quite the opposite..."

Hmm...So Quebecers don't like it when Stephen Harper sounds like George Bush.

Imagine how they are going to react when Harper begins his wretched attack on same sex marriage.

And starts sounding like the Nazi Pope....

In the meantime spare a thought for the people Harper used as props today for nothing more than cheap politics.

The grieving loved ones of the 9/11 dead.

And our fighting soldiers in Afghanistan...

Running the Bar in Afghanistan

It's been almost five years since we moved into the darkness of a post-911 world. We're still trying to get our bearings. Figure out what we're doing or where we're going. But at least in Afghanistan we know exactly where we are. Right back at the beginning. And not going anywhere.

"Given the level of resources NATO has at the moment, and the strategy we are pursuing, we simply cannot win. The forces there can't achieve the objectives they have been given."

If General Sir Michael Rose believes that, I figure our gungho generals and politicians better listen up. And level with Canadians. I mean what are we supposed to believe? One moment we're winning. The next moment we can't.

Maybe NATO will be able to find the 2500 extra troops it now says it badly needs. But with every country trying to keep its soldiers out of harms way what are we going to end up with? A Swedish cooking brigade? Lobbing pork meatballs at the Taliban. And then what?

We're likely to get more helicopters which will be good. And maybe more ground attack planes, which will only make a bad situation worse. You see when you don't have enough soldiers on the ground, you don't only take more casualties, you are forced to rely even more heavily on air strikes. And you end up bombing the shit out of everything like the Americans like to do. Destroying villages and villagers to save them just like they did in that other crazy war. And if you do that you can win battle after battle. But you'll never win the war.

If you don't believe me ask this guy.

"We've been grotesquely clumsy -- we've said that we'll be different to the Americans who were bombing and strafing villages, then behaved exactly like them."

And if we are not careful so will we. What a mess. But at least we know more about the road to Kandahar. How a group of Liberal politicos decided to change Canada's traditional peacekeeping role, to please the Bush administration. Without even a thought of what it might cost the country and our troops.

According to the Toronto Star here's what Scottie "Beer and Popcorn"Reid had to say about that:

"It was a question of...after having shown up all those years with a six-pack, whether we were finally going to tend bar..."

Wow. What a great reason to go to war.

What a gang. What a bar.

Remind me to buy a round for the dead...

Harper's Shame and Karl Rove's Gay Daddy

So the cat is finally out of the bag. The terrible truth revealed. The NATO force in Afghanistan doesn't have enough soldiers or equipment to carry out the mission.

A mission that has become deadlier than Iraq.

I've been warning for months that we were trying to do too much with too little. Too bad our gung ho generals didn't seem to notice. Or bother to tell us about it. But never mind. The question is what are we going to do now?

I wish Stephen Harper had been answering that question today instead of playing more political games with a ridiculous appearance before a Senate committee to prattle on about his rube plans for Senate reform.

But that question won't go away. And one day he'll also have to explain to Canadians why he rushed to sign us up for two more years, despite all the warning signs pointing to a fatally flawed mission.

Why he put politics before the lives of our soldiers, just so he could drive a wedge into the Liberals, and get some brownie points from Chimp Bush for signing on to his crazy war on terror. So much for neocon values. They talk like chickenhawks. And act like weasels.

Speaking of weasels and Chimps ...I was almost moved to tears today by the story of White House wunderkind Karl Rove's touching relationship with his 300-pound gay daddy.

But not quite. I mean I was disappointed that if I ever meet that piggy homophobe I won't be able to shout "Whose your daddy bitch?" But it's such a good example of neocon family values. I had a good laugh instead. Talk about a gorilla in the room. Rove should know you can't buy that kind of propaganda. Yuk.Yuk.Yuk.

But it gets worse, I mean better. It turns out Rove isn't really a Christian. Oh Lordy. Lord!

Even though he may have brought in a team of exorcists to purge the Clinton Demon. Doesn't that make it kinda like satanism ......in the White House? Politics and ju ju is such a dangerous mix. So much for family values...

I can hardly wait for Chimp Bush and his gorilla to haul out their anti-gay marriage campaign, just about at the same time as President Harpo starts to beat that drum. Won't they sound lovely together?

It might help the Chimp squeeze out a few more votes. But as for President Harpo, with his polls already going south, particularly in Quebec.

And after what he did to our soldiers. I think it should prove fatal.

Once upon a time Stephen Harper had a chance to fool enough Canadians into giving him a majority. But in the course of one short Canadian summer he blew it all by himself. Soon he'll be fighting for his political life. And the issue of gay marriage, of all things. might prove to be his coup de grace.

Wow. Never mind piggy Rove and his gay daddy.

Would that be piggy justice or what?

Oink.Oink....

Coffins, Bagpipes and the Afghanistan Debate

The repatriation ceremony at Trenton today seemed to go on forever. One after the other the coffins came rolling out of the flying hearse, like some ghastly assembly line of death. The piper played. The families wept. I didn't bother to take any pictures. Truthfully I even found it hard to watch. And it wasn't because I'm getting used to the sight of those coffins, as this BBC story suggests.

"It could be that Canadians are developing an immunity to the once-shocking sight of coffins draped in the maple leaf flag, and the mournful sound of those military bagpipes."

Maybe, but I doubt it. Not in my case anyway. I just want to try to keep emotion out of it. So I don't get carried away with feelings of pride or revenge. And can think more clearly about how we got into this bloody mess and how we're going to get out of it.

I think we all need to do that. We need to take a hard look at the mission. Come to terms with the fact that we might be winning some battles. But we're losing the war.

And put a lot more thought into what we're asking our troops to do, than we did when we sent them in.

Whatever the merits of the mission, the fact is that two Prime Ministers have committed us to a mission for all the wrong reasons, and without any proper idea of what our soldiers would be up against.

Paul Martin did it because he wanted to mollify the Americans for not sending Canadians troops to Iraq. And Stephen Harper did it because he wanted to suck up to them. And drive a wedge into the Liberals as well.

Neither of them apparently stopped to consider whether there would be enough boots on the ground, or enough equipment to do the job. And now our soldiers are paying for that with their lives.

That's why we need a Parliamentary debate.Whatever the Tories say. We need to face the facts. Recalibrate our anti-terrorist strategy. Listen to what our soldiers and other soldiers have to say.

If the British are having trouble holding it together with the troops they have there, imagine what trouble we're going to have with about a thousand troops less.

Maybe Jack Layton's proposal to bring the troops back early next year isn't realistic. But keeping them there for two more years or more could shred our army, like the Iraq war is doing to the American one. It will divide Canadians, damage our image as peacekeepers, and rather than making us safer at home will make us more of a terrorist target.

We've got to stop apologizing for being Canadians and wanting to do things our way. Instead of following the criminal Bush regime in its increasingly insane so-called war on terror. If Paul Martin hadn't felt the need to apologize for not sending troops to Iraq, when no apology was required, we wouldn't be where we are.

Whenever we do decide to pull our troops out, as we eventually will, the end result will be the same. A mission impossible is a mission impossible.

The only difference will be the number of Canadians who died.

Fighting a war that couldn't be won.

If that isn't worth debating in Parliament what is?

Bloody Weekend in Afghanistan

A few weeks ago I took this picture of a Nimrod at RAF base Kinloss. Now the base is in mourning after one of these planes crashed in Afghanistan. I wish I was there tonight to tell them how sorry I feel.

But here in Canada of course, we're also mourning our dead.

I'm really sad for all the families in Scotland and Canada. But right now I'm also angry.

I just turned on the tv to see John Thompson from the MacKenzie Institute being asked about the latest casualties, and here's what that blowhard said.

"Get used to it.....just wait until we in Canada are hit.... and there are 300 or 400 dead."

When he was asked what he thought about Jack Layton's position on Afghanistan, he accused him of looking at the world through the wrong end of a sewer pipe. I'm not sure about Layton's position. But I am sure of one thing. If there is that kind of world view sewer pipe it must be firmly planted up that blowhard's ass.

There may be some really good reasons to be in Afghanistan. Helping to rebuild that desperately poor country, and protecting the rights of women and gay people. But since we don't have enough troops, enough of the right equipment, or enough development money to do that , all we're doing is dying or being mutilated, or killing hundreds and making thousands of new enemies. While the country turns into a narco state.

And what kind of social progress do we really expect in a country that calls itself the ISLAMIC Republic of Afghanistan? Let's face it folks, not much.

As for the war on terror don't make me laugh. Those miserable, ignorant Taliban are about as much of a threat to us in Canada as rabid raccoons. They probably couldn't even find us on the map. Just like we can't find the real terrorists because they live in places like Saudi Arabia, Iran, Syria, and Pakistan. And we don't dare go there.

Besides, as every major terrorist attack on a Western country has shown, New York, London, Madrid. The real threat to our safety in this dangerous world comes from within. From jihadists living amongst us who are are driven to murderous action mostly because of what Western soldiers on combat missions are doing in Muslim lands.

In a desperate attempt to save his Republican Mafia, Chimp Bush has started making more noises again about how the criminal war in Iraq is the frontline in the war against terror But we should be smarter than that. And not let our homegrown neocons do the same thing with the war in Afghanistan.

If we want to make Canada a safer and better place to live in, we should invest way more money and resources in CSIS and the RCMP. and specialized anti-terrorist squads. And use our troops for muscular peacekeeping missions like keeping Israel and Hezbollah apart in Lebanon. Or helping save the dying women and children in the burning villages of Darfur.

Places where we can make a real difference, and peace and hope still have a chance.

Oh I know our brave soldiers in Afghanistan have the best of intentions. That most of them believe in the mission. Believe that they can really win a war like that. But the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And as one grizzled combat veteran once told me: Simon, hope is not a method and neither is enthusiasm...

To tell you the truth I'm so sad, angry, and conflicted right now I don't know what we should do. There are no easy answers.

But all I know is that the Brits have been asking a lot of hard questions about the mission in Afghanistan.

And I think it's about time we did too...

Oh yeah...one more thing. I'm glad one of these ugly critters wasn't at the airshow today. I would have loved to see one again. And cheer its Kinloss crew on.

But it probably would have broken my heart...

Big Jesus and the Barbarians

I used to love pictures like this one when I was a kid. Big White Jesus surrounded by all his little white children. And hopefully a donkey or two.

It wasn't as good as the story of Little Black Sambo, with the tigers who turned into butter. So Black Mumbo could make pancakes out of them. But I have to admit it felt good to belong to a cult that seemed to care a lot about children. Then I grew up of course, and discovered that I was sadly mistaken. Big Jesus may have loved children. But some of those who claim to speak in his name clearly don't.

Can you believe that story? Talk about putting crazy dogma and fetus worship before the life of a real child. And that bejewelled freak isn't just a Colombian Cardinal. He's the head of the Vatican Pontifical Council for the Family. Heil Radzinger! Holy Escobar! Is that a Church or a Cartel?

But it gets worse.... these religious fanatics don't just like to fuck with young lives. They like to beat the shit out of them as well.

Look don't get me wrong. I hate all kinds of religious fanatics. Like these Muslim martyr freaks.

I wonder how many Jewish children they've blown up. I only hope that when a gay soldier dispatches them to Paradise, they won't find any submissive virgins waiting for them. Just a dyke motorcycle gang armed with 14-inch depleted uranium strap ons. God have mercy!Ouch!

Or how about these rabid rabbis?

After all the dead children in Lebanon you'd think they would have the decency to keep quiet. And besides where on earth did they get the ridiculous idea that Christianity and barbarism don't go together?

I remember how my religious fanatic of a history teacher used to lick his lips, when he described how the Crusaders killed so many men, women, and children in one city, they had to wade through a river of blood.

Or how about the pious polygamist freaks who like to throw their male teenagers into the street?Turn them into Lost Boys. So the older men can have their way with the really young girls. Forget about Big Jesus sweety pie. From now on you worship Big Daddy. Barf.

Look I don't care if these religious extremists kill each other. In fact, I'm quite in favour of that. The more the merrier. Onward Christian soldiers, death to the infidels, fifty wives ain't enough, whatever...

I also don't mind if they want to have kinky sex in the privacy of their own homes, of course. By mortifying themselves to a pulpy orgasm. in the name of Jesus. Go for it. And please don't be gentle either. Smack. Whack. Ooooh. Aaah...

But will these twisted monsters please do us, and the future a favour?

Keep their filthy poison out of our lives.

And keep their filthy hands off the children.

Thanks...