Oh no. Duck and cover. Two weeks ago I accused the Cons of waging a real War on Christmas, by laying off people and killing jobs at this time of the year. Now it turns out they're also in the trenches defending themselves from the imaginary War on Christmas.
Well I see the Cons have finally found a good way to use our Parliament eh? It may be a lousy House of Democracy, but it does make a great Christmas ornament. And it does send out a powerful message to its rabid base: there will be no War on Christmas here.
Oh my Ding Dong. Deck the gazebo with boughs of holly. Or steaming mounds of horse shit. Tony Clement, the King of Muskoka and the Minister of Misery, wants us all to know something REALLY important. He's no grinch, and the Cons don't hate Christmas.
How do you know when it's early November? Answer: when the wingnuts and the Foxtards in the United States start wailing about the War on Christmas, And this year go a step further, by releasing this Christian movie...
I mean Christianist video, DVD, humming piece of plastic.
"This is a feel-good movie, with a lot of conflict and the theme of the Grinch finally coming home," said Anchorage-based executive producer David Cuddy. "The final scene is like 'It's a Wonderful Life,' where his character melts and becomes a good guy."
Gawd. Isn't that blasphemy?
The Grinch and It's A Wonderful Life? Or get down on your knees you atheist scum. Take the Muslim crescent off the Christ Tree. Or we'll burn your house down. SCARY
But wait. It gets worse.
How about a children's book about how Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Joseph Stalin stole Christmas ?
"The Christmastution is being ignored!" she yells to her assembled mob. "If we want to save Christmas, we must stop taking free candy and fire the liberal elves!"
Elf Peloosi tries to sway the children from voting her out of office with free candy canes but they all wave copies of the Christmastution at her and dump the candy into the Camas' lake.
Holy Satan Santa. How do you follow a mastatution like that one?
With the Dance of the Sugar Dumb fairies?
No. That would be too ugly. And too flattering.
How about something prettier, and gayer, and more festive?
Did you notice it? Gap compares Christmas to the pagan holiday called "Solstice." Solstice is celebrated by Wiccans who practice witchcraft! Which makes me feel like saying do what ever you wannukah eh?
But if you can't wiccer or liccer yourselves. Why don't you go pray for a Wii?
Wheeeeeeeeee!!!
Because I LOVE that pagan festival. Presents, food, drink, debauchery.
